DOSE: T+ 0:00 1 shot oral Ayahuasca (tea) T+ 1:00 0.5 shots oral Ayahuasca (tea)
BODY WEIGHT:
170 lb
Ayahuasca: a rookie's bumbling notes
Among the myriad of vines that make the Amazon jungle their home, there is one with particularly unique properties. The name of that vine is Ayahuasca. When mixed with other Amazonian plants and shrubs into a tea and ingested, it is said to produce powerful hallucinogenic effects. Moreover, it is consistently reported to facilitate healing, epiphanies, deep introspection, and an endless list of spiritual experiences. It was with this in mind, that after a year of research, reading, and talking with Ayahuasca veterans about their own experiences did I summon the courage to embark on the journey myself.
The past 15 years have seen me become increasingly conscious of what I put in my body. And thus, it was not without a little angst that I committed to my first Ayahuasca retreat a few short weeks ago.
That retreat came with a recommended shaman, and a recommended property. This eased my mind, and I relaxed a little into its potential.
Why go on such a journey? Why would a practical prairie-gopher greeneck such as myself want to partake in this? It sounds like all kinds of crazy. Isn't this what junkies do? Sit around in a circle and get high? Fuckin A man. Why would I want to ingest a substance that often causes hallucinations, has a high probability of making one vomit, and as I've heard via the grapevine, caused one participant to continually experience ghosts?
Because it's fascinating. Because it's a bucket-list kinda thing. Because the plant is a reportedly amazing healer. Because I believe humans have largely abandoned their former multimillenial connection with plants that traditionally, have had much to teach us. That lack of connection (I believe) is intimately linked to many of the problems we see in the world today. Because some very grounded, compassionate people I trust call it the most spiritual experience they've ever had. Because I've heard it called (more than once) a real medicine. Good medicine.
Because I know I'll regret it if I don't.
So, late in the afternoon, I arrive on the property in my little truck. I set up my tent, meet a few others, and wander through the garden trying to focus on breathing and allowing my mind to be still. More than one of my trusted Ayahuasca friends have suggested focusing on my breath (especially during the ceremony). I keep this in mind as I watch the other participants (all 14 of them) trickle in. From varying backgrounds, most of them have drunk before, only a few are rookies such as myself.
The ceremony space is in the living room of the main house, and soon everyone has staked a claim for their own little mattress. A collection of foam islands for this internal pilgrimage we are about to collectively embark on. In addition, everyone has with them a small bucket in case of vomiting (termed 'purging'). To the untrained eye, it has all the hallmarks of a massive adult sleepover.
It grows dark. People saunter into the house. Soon the living room is full of eager (and for my bit, slightly apprehensive) participants. The shaman begins to talk about the plant. He talks about how it is a medicine. A mirror. Ayahuasca is a mirror that allows you to look at yourself. Deeply. In ways you may not have done before. In ways that you may not find particularly comfortable. It is an experience, and its effects are somewhat impossible to truly document (a point which I can now vouch for). Ayahuasca is an energy that works at the spiritual, mental and physical levels. To this end, it facilitates healing and experiences where people need it. Not where they want it.
The Shaman calls for lights out, and the room is suddenly black. He sets a candle alight. He discusses how, during the ceremony, he will be moving about the room. He may be singing, he may be smoking sweet tobacco, he may be blowing that smoke onto us. Everything is designed for our benefit. One by one, he signals for us to come forward. Each person sits in front of him. As I do so, I am given a full glass (they're quite small) of the brown brew. Here we go, I think. I chuck it back like a shot of whiskey. Gahhhh. I'd heard it was nasty, but this is something else. Even still, I choke it down, and wander back to my mattress.
I sit up as more experienced drinkers say this seems to facilitate better experiences. Most other folks (from what I can see) do the same. 20 minutes pass. Nothing. I've managed to largely clean the nasty taste from my palate. 40 minutes. Many people are beginning to occasionally moan. A few vomit (into their buckets). Most are beginning to drift downwards towards their blankets.
60 minutes pass. By this time, almost everyone (from what I can tell), is under the full influence of the brew. Random vomiting happens, and the occasional cacophony bubbles up from beneath some covers across the room. I'm sitting there, slightly dumbfounded, as I feel a whole truckload of nothing. What gives?? Am I Ayahuasca immune? I feel a whole truckload of nothing. What gives?? Am I Ayahuasca immune?