Blacked out for 12 hours — lost my phone, my dignity, and almost a friendship

Took two bars at a party thinking I could "handle it" because I'd taken 0.5mg before. That's 8x my normal dose. I remember taking them at around 10pm. My next memory is waking up in my friend's car at 10am the next day.

In between, according to friends and phone evidence: I got into an argument with a stranger, tried to climb a fence and fell, sent incoherent messages to my ex, ate an entire pizza from someone's counter, and apparently tried to fight my best friend when he tried to take my keys.

I have zero memory of any of this. Not hazy memories — absolutely nothing. Twelve hours of my life simply don't exist. My friend almost called the police on me. I had bruises I couldn't explain and a cracked phone screen.

The terrifying part is the "delusion of sobriety" — apparently I insisted I was completely fine the entire time. I was walking, talking, making decisions. Just none of them were good decisions and I wasn't actually conscious in any meaningful sense.

Benzodiazepines are not recreational drugs. The dose-response curve between "anxiety relief" and "blackout" is shockingly narrow. I will never take more than my prescribed dose again.