Dose: LSD, 100ug
Prior Experience: quite experienced with psychs, 4th time with Lucy; quite experienced with meditation (body-scanning and breath mostly)
Duration (had no sense of time, so I’m going by the albums I had planned out):
Come-Up (Animal Collective album), dosed at around 11am, lasted less than an hour, could still stand
Peak (PF - 4 albums; Shpongle - 1 album; Tame Impala - 2 albums), I’d say that’s about 6 hours?, incapacitated on bed writhing like the possessed exorcist girl
Come-down (Boards of Canada - 4 albums), maybe 4 hours, could walk, go to washroom, eat and drink
After-Effects preventing me from falling asleep, possibly another 4+ hours
Total Duration: roughly 15 hours
Set: nothing to do that day, nor the day tomorrow; ate breakfast, then meditated for 3 hours before dropping
Setting: planned to have nobody home, at least during the peak hours, in bedroom, incense filling room, with music
Possessed by Demons
As peak came up, I was lying down on bed, and started experiencing immense tension in back of neck, and upper back near shoulders. When I explored its source, the back of my skull, I would lose motor-control of body, and begin writhing around on the bed in rhythm to the music, like a snake dancing to the sound of a flute (funnily enough, PF’s Piper includes some snake-like flute playing).
My Ego, big man CEO upstairs in my head, was struggling to regain control. He was never in control. The dictatorship of Ego became an anarchy of animalistic bodily processes.
Being well-trained in meditation, I let the music fling my head and limbs around like a ragdoll, while being careful not to fall off the bed. Go with the flow. At some points, I worried that Lucy was constricting my muscles; but I reminded myself that Lucy is physically safe. This tension was “my” doing; that is, I realized that the “feeling of being a Self”, and the “feeling of physical tension in the body” are the same feeling. I am Resistance. So, I knew the strategy was to “let go”.
I also realized the oxymoron that is “Let Go". I was telling that to my scared child-self, long-forgotten, holding on for dear life to a vine, and down below him was certain death. This is more than just a metaphor, the vine is the muscles around the spine being constricted. To let go is to die, and be replaced by someone more free. Luckily for me, ego-death was a familiar experience, so I did what I knew had to be done: I allowed myself to die.
“Thought-loops” are when you keep thinking about the same topic over and over. I hi-jacked this special ability in order to meditate for the entire peak and come-down almost non-stop (roughly 10 hours meditating, body-scanning). I healed possibly years of childhood trauma that trip (but man, is there still more to do). So anyone who tells you psychs can’t be used for spiritual work have no fucking idea what they’re talking about. That being said, using psychs without meditating… that’s mostly recreation, imo.
The Cells Remember Everything
I saw the all-seeing Eye of God (or rather, it saw me?), I felt the Oneness of all things and the universal Love frequency. But… I had seen these things before, so I just went back to meditating.
The cells remember everything. Every emotion that was ever bottled up, they remember. Due to my childhood traumas, I was carrying a lot. There was so much of it. At one point, I felt a sadness that I had not felt for a long time, it was my child-self crying in desperation. I wept tears for a while. I let the emotions express themselves. You are free now, child-self. I’m sorry that I couldn’t let you express yourself before.
After the crying, every cell in my body vibrated with pleasure and bliss, and the tension completely disappeared. A mere distraction, I thought, and so I returned to my meditation. Later tension returned. It was a game that would repeat: I would resist the tension and be possessed by demons, then I meditate on the tension, then it disappears and I would express powerful emotions, then I would feel waves of full-body cellular ecstasy. My past karma was being burned off by the second; here I define karma as the repressed emotions seeking expression stored within cellular memory.
Other Distractions
At some point, I saw magnificent CEVs, archaic imagery in high-speed. It was a mere distraction, so I went back to meditating. With eyes opened I would see visual distortions, patterns, tracers. Distraction. Back to meditating. My mind flowed with profound insights into my life, and the universe. Distraction. No words can compare to this cellular wisdom. Back to meditating. I realized that all minds are connected, and that “I am every person who ever existed”, e.g. Jesus and Buddha. More distractions. Back to meditating. As you can see, I was committed.
The Spine is the Information Highway
The spine is the information highway. The chakras are doorways where energy pours out into this physical universe. My throat chakra was extremely blocked. Solar plexus too, but less so. The other chakras seemed fine. I recognized that I would never want to learn Kundalini yoga; it’s like trying to turn on a hose with a knot in it. Rather, I would use the all-seeing “Eye” of consciousness to untangle these knots (muscular tension along the spine). I was careful not to rouse the serpent at the base, and also careful not to “knock on heaven’s door”, at the crown of the head. I knew that “Union with the Infinite Cosmos” was waiting for me up there, but I figured I wasn’t ready yet. Also to be honest, it seemed like it would be another distraction.
Come-Down
Throughout the come-down, it became more difficult to meditate. The thinking-mind loved to chatter about random things. I felt a metaphorical eye-roll from every cell in my body. Big Man CEO sitting up there in his office thinks he’s in charge again. Still, I learned a great deal from meditating during this time; it taught me how the mind will try to do anything it can to distract attention from seeing its false nature.
Other Intellectual Insights
I also realized that everything else that can possibly be done in life, at least for me, is a complete distraction from this. That includes making money, saving the world, etc. In fact, even enlightenment is a complete distraction. The only goal is Nirvana: the cessation of suffering. The total letting go. But my karma (which I defined above) might pull me into playing such games anyway. Not quite ready to be a monk meditating in a cave just yet.
Oh yeah, I should mention that music is excellent for distracting the mind from pointless thought-loops, not to mention they “draw out” repressed emotions quite well, although I’m iffy about ever listening to Shpongle again...
PS. Pink Floyd... those guys "know", if you know what I mean
tl;dr got possessed by demons, my Ego CEO got fired (temporarily), my cells taught me a lesson about my biology, they remember every emotion ever repressed, and I used thought-loops to meditate non-stop for 10 hours