I would consider myself to be a veteran psychonaut. I've had my fair share of earth-shattering, life-altering experiences. I've seen the beauty and complexity of man and nature through hundreds of doses of LSD,. I've even had brushes with the divine on DMT or Ketamine before, but those were either fleeting or I maybe had thought the drugs were showing me what I wanted to see...
And then, this past weekend, I had the most intensely spiritual psychedelic experience of my life. I communed with what was very apparently to me a deity of an extraordinary nature. I have done ketamine on and off for years, with various periods of high activity, and recently have started a new phase of frequent usage. Nothing I have ever experienced comes close to the sheer divinity of what ocurred to me the other night. Though I have always experienced and loved the OBEs and psychedelic visuals, it seems as though I am "learning" to better access the immaterial k-hole space. I now believe this space to be what some describe as the Akashic Records, a place of 5th or n-th Dimension through which all living entities are connected.
The normal k-hole visuals, which are usually a kaleidoscopic mixture of dream-like imagery and bizzare visual patterns, had suddenly connected into a crystalline, fractal web that was surrounding me and this deity. I couldn't "see" it per se but the presence was awe inspiring and undeniable. I distinctly remember my physical body gasping and tears of joy streaming down my face all while in a near state of comatose. It was showing me the sheer possibility and vastness of opportunity that we humans beings have. It was teaching me how to manifest these possibilities into reality by navigating my consciousness with willpower. Through this time I kept thinking to myself "holy fuck if there's one trip you remember in your life this is the one". I was humbled and awestruck by this being's sheer force of divine energy... hot golden-white rays were piercing through every fiber of my being and showering me with this feeling of unconditional cosmic love. I knew of nothing else to do but try and communicate my awe and surrendered myself to this deity. Mind you, I grew up Catholic, and became an atheist. I definitely considered myself more of a spiritualist, having no proof of a god but believing that something must be responsible for all of the beauty and chaos. But I tell you now, as a person who once staunchly defended atheism with vigorous logic, that I have no doubt in my mind that I was in the presence of a god.
I was bewildered in the most amazing way because I kept expecting it to end or change since the k-hole usually shifts around so much. But it stayed with me the whole time. I could only meekly offer myself to this great presence, and ask what it would have of me in return for the seemingly priceless experience it had just gifted to me (had already known before coming down that this experience would change me forever). It laughed the way a parent laughs when a child offers them a gift, the same way a parent laughs when their heart melts from their own child's thoughtfulness. I interpreted this as it was not expecting anything in return for what it had given me, but was thankful nonetheless. At this point it began submitting these gems of undeniable truth into my core being. As the thoughts entered my mind I wanted to remember everything so I began thinking a mantra..
"Learn Skills, Be Real, Learn Skills, Be Real"
What this being was telling me were two things I had already "known". But now I understood with every atom in my body. These were not just pieces of information, but a comprehensive understanding that was coalescing through me in waves of emotional and context. It was telling me to improve myself however I could during my time on Earth, that if I kept improving my intelligence it would create a feedback loop that provided self worth and motivation for all of the challenging moments in life. Next, it was reinforcing a sense of pride in myself and requesting I be genuine. It said that it loved me for who I am, because I was as a unique iteration of DNA that would only happen once in time. If I could cry out and scream in utter happiness I would have. Surely if a being like this was capable of loving me, I never had to fear being inadequate ever again. How could I ever worry about what another human being thought of me after feeling love like this from such a pure source?
It was telling me this mantra as personal matter- this was not some series of priorities that applied to everyone, it knew that this was what I SPECIFICALLY needed to do. That was what caught me by surprise. I had thought that I would hear some divine truths, some codex of laws that applied to all mankind. Ironically there were no such thing, at least that I know of at this point.
There were other extraplanar deities, but more "subservient" if you will. They looked like Spectres or shadows that take a humanoid form but I perceived them to be quite large relative to me. They seemed to be welcoming me into this place, and I could tell that they knew I was a being from a material realm. I don't know if anyone will understand what I mean by that but there was no verbal or visual communication going on, it was simply telepathic communication. These communications seem to be coming comprised of both an intellectual "knowing" and an emotional understanding. It's something you just know and feel in your head and heart at once. Anyhow, they were showing me how the material plane is just the place that is manifested out of the consciousness and dreams of living beings. Through our will and desires, we weave a giant net (the Net of Indra) which becomes the material plane because it is common and understood between us all so it is concrete.
At this point I was starting to come down, I could feel my chest riding with my breaths and that's usually when I start to reclaim my physical body. I was slowly leaving the astral realm and wanted to make sure I remembered my mantra. It was almost like that scene at the end of Interstellar, where Matthew McConaughey is communicating through the tesseract. I sent some telepathic whispers back down to myself in the hopes that they would reach me when I returned.
I slowly came down to a more common k-hole realm, reliving past experiences, thinking about life in general. The visuals were incredible, it was like a beautiful puzzle of interconnected thoughts and feelings. Some of the puzzle pieces were people in my life- friends, past lovers, family members. Others were memories, moments in time. Some were just dream-like objects. Everything was materializing in and out to the music as I travellee on the roller-coaster voyage.
When I came to and opened my eyes, the mantra entered my conscious thoughts and it literally shook me to my core. Hearing those words was like a golden ribbon or a trail of breadcrumbs that provided me the proof of that what I had just experienced. I had come out of the k-hole and my third eye was pulsating with pressure. My whole body felt like it was static energy, and snowy static noise was all around me in my room. I was still seeing visuals blended in with my normal vision. The energy that was pulsing through me caused me to reorient in a meditative pose. I put the bottoms of my feet together and put my hands and fingertips together. It seemed to help the energy resonate that way. I don't think I truly believed in chakras up until this point, but there was absolutely some sort of energy that science cannot explain coursing through me.
I literally sat there and experimented with my vision. I was able to like "phase shift" my consciousness almost like tuning a radio with a dial. I have no fucking clue what I was tuning it to but I could see like shadow people again that almost looked like they were from alternate realities or something close to the material plane.
I came down finally and relayed my experience to my friend who also does a lot of K. He basically validated what I had seen in one way or another. Before I had even told him what happened, he said he did some k the other night and thought someone was communicating with him too... Crazy coincidence (or not). He said that he believed that now I have a connection with that entity and that it will continue to communicate with me.
The next night I lined up some more. Sure enough, almost identical experience. But this time the deity added two more lines to the mantra:
"Perservere, and spread prosperity"
So that's where I am. I hoping to work on improving myself in the future by communing with this presence I have found. If someone else has told me this, I would probably have thought they were just seeing what they desired or that their brain was making associations... even though I had experienced some completely crazy shit on ketamine before.
But I guess it's just a matter of personal belief anyhow :)