Preface:
19 y/o male.
Yesterday I decided last minute to use some of the 250mg I had stored in my freezer for a few weeks. Was waiting for the right time, then it hit me that it needed to be done before 2018. I needed a New Year's revelation not just another resolution. Given that I still live with my parents I took off around 9 a.m. and told them I was going hiking for a few hours, but actually checked into a hotel around 9:30. Dark and cold outside, probably not good pretext but I went ahead with my decision.
It was much nicer than I expected for under $100, recently renovated from what I could tell and very very clean. Bright lights too. Doing this in a hotel was necessary because I didn't want to risk getting caught at home or have that anxiety hanging over my head. So I got settled in and took about 50+mg measured on a scale orally. I say 50+ because there was a little on the side that I just scraped in my cup because I didn't want to waste it. And boy did I get my revelation.
The trip:
Disclaimer: these times are all estimations as I did not accurately keep track during the trip. Very hard to do on such a powerful dose.
t+0:00: Consumed the God molecule and laid down on the bed. I had a gallon of spring water by my side to stay hydrated.
t+0:30: Sounds became slightly enhanced/distorted and tracers began but nothing crazy yet.
t+1:00: Light CEVs start and they are very pretty. Light geometric patterns covering the ceiling as well. Everything is taking on an oily/wet texture and I feel like a slug with organs everywhere. I can hear the juices flowing through my body. A reminder that I am just a pile of flesh and that is OK.
t+1:30: The peak begins. "Shadow nurses" starting to materialize over me, hanging from the ceiling. They were faceless and had large heads with ghost-like bodies. I call them nurses because throughout the duration of the peak they never touched or communicated with me, just watching almost like to make sure I'm OK. Not scary or anything - just stationary observers.
t+1:45: CEVs become more powerful, impossible geometric patterns dance around, carving a space out for me in time. Also was seeing a lot of beautiful abstractions of human concepts, some of it was very sexual in nature. For example, when I thought of an idea it became animated and turned into a full blown film. But you had to be intoxicated by 4-Aco-DMT to comprehend any of it. At one point I remember seeing a wall of agonized human faces - something from hell maybe. I remain calm. An intermittent buzzing/humming noise begins and from what I can best describe it was the amalgamation of all pain and pleasure in the universe. The vibe it was giving off was both disturbing and blissful.
t+2:00: My animalistic nature is released. I distinctly remember slapping my ass and making incoherent noises/trying to iterate some unknown language. My nose was very runny and I was drooling a lot as well. Sounds took on a distinctly organic and physical form and were also my "anchor" to the dimension we live in. Think of the "tears" from Bioshock Infinite: something like that. I had built a small playlist for this trip but after a while I was going back and forth between taking the headphones off and putting them back on, writhing and squirming then laying down. So eventually I just stopped listening.
t+2:30: Ego death. It began with me laying on the bed, chilling out from the hysteria. I could hear everything around me: the people talking in all the surrounding rooms of the hotel, children laughing, and the cars zooming by on the highway outside. Every gust of air, every creak and every breath. Everything existed and poured through me. "Om", sound of the universe, along with that other conflicting noise I mentioned were both humming in full force. Then I was detached and saw myself break into a million pieces. I entered character customization and was picking random things like my hairstyle, etc. but that was irrelevant. After this I saw myself as a grown man: extremely confident, handsome, happy, strong, and with beautiful children that were little extensions of my personality. They had the cutest smiles. I remember sitting one of my little boys on my left leg and he was so full of energy and youth. "Old Violin" by Johnny Paycheck started playing in my head and the verse, "soon to be put away, and never played again", became a living metaphor for the old "me".
t+3:00: After that happened I decided to see what it's like to turn off all the lights, and I didn't really like it. Some sort of giant entity with black tentacles stretched out into infinity and became more imposing the longer I left the lights off. I had a feeling it was malevolent in nature but was not scared, just slightly uncomfortable. Felt like it was going to "get" me if I didn't make it disappear with the light.
t+3:30-6:30: The comedown was still full of CEVs and I was slightly "drunken", but I was functional enough to drive home around 2pm or so. Given that I was still lightly intoxicated it was a bit risky but I didn't want to fall asleep at the hotel and wake up 12 hours later. Hiking for that long wouldn't be very believable. Everything on the way home was beautiful, even the ugly cars and roads and chemical plants. All cars looked like they had fresh, shiny paint jobs. Got to my house and ate chicken and asparagus. The chicken was writhing like a decayed carcass so that was pretty unappetizing, threw it away then walked my dog. Maybe it was the drug's way of telling me that all life is precious or something. Now the CEVs and all the visuals leading up to this point were pretty alien, but the afterglow makes everything around look 100x better. We went to view the bay and it was breathtaking: I could see each individual ripple on the water and all colors were enhanced. I laid down in the grass and just looked up at the blue sky and smelled the leaves. Looked to my right and my dog is standing in front of the sun like some majestic lion. After I got back in I tried to go to sleep and thoughts were still taking on an abstract film-like character. When I closed my eyes I could still see the room and it was decorated and very futuristic looking. Quite odd. Didn't fall asleep till about 6 though. Was expecting some crazy ass dream but unfortunately didn't have one (or I didn't remember it).
Some takeaways/conclusion:
Do not take such a high dose for your first time. I had only taken 20mg and 50mg (highly degraded) in the past and even that I don't think was enough preparation. The only reason I took 50mg this time was because the 50mg degraded left me very disappointed. Well, comparing a degraded dose to a fully potent dose is not a smart thing to do to say the least.
Buy a gallon of water. Seriously. You will end up drinking all of it and your brain will thank you later. I surprisingly woke up with no headache this morning whereas after my 20mg trip I had a splitting, miserable headache the entire next day. Be sure to have quick access to a bathroom as well because you will pee a lot (obviously).
4-Aco-DMT is not euphoric at all from my experience. Actually quite dark and mechanical. I went in with high expectations because people had described mind-blowing euphoria and maybe it's true but not for me. The setting I suspect probably had a big impact on that. If I had done it on a sunny day with blinds open and in my own room it probably would have been totally different. If you don't think you can handle the possibility of seeing dark shadow entities and experiencing no happy emotions then don't fuck with this shit. I would not say it was a bad trip, I was relatively calm and rational the whole time, but it certainly was no cake walk.
If you plan on listening to music, make a uniform playlist. Similar sounding or same genre. I say this because songs have different vibrations on psychedelics and although all the music I put together was good it made me feel very confused. In retrospect I should have done all classical or all electronic or all Sigur Ros. You get the idea. Also, play the music over some good speakers as opposed to through your headphones. After a while you get restless and uncomfortable so you want the music to be playing no matter how crazy you act. Put that shit on auto play and let it go. Don't worry about what song to play next, just go with the flow.
There is a reason powerful psychedelics are illegal. Please consider this. Of course there is the obvious reality that drugs are outlawed because it is profitable for the prisons/pharmaceutical lobbies but there are two sides to this coin. I had always been convinced that the government was keeping sacred knowledge from us but the simple fact of the matter is these compounds have the ability to turn the average John Doe into Charles Manson. I actually remember losing time for about 15 minutes or so during the peak. Probably my brain just shut off because I saw something humans are not able to handle. I am not fear-mongering on this point, it is extremely important you know what you are getting yourself into. And as a side note: no, I did not go insane. There was mild depression for a very short time after but I am back to baseline now and I think I know what path I should take to secure the fate that was shown to me.
Maybe a year or two from now when I have my own place I will try again but do it on a sunny day and with 20 minutes of meditation before-hand (that's another thing you should really do that I didn't). For now though, I think I have been taught a good lesson that I need to decipher for the next few months and apply to my life.