Original report here.
When I started to zoom out of my body and into the universe. Further away that i got the more condensed the universe became. This finally reach a super condensed point where i broke out and finally escaped the material realm and went into the infinite fractal realm. At this point, I was way beyond being a subject.
First time crossing though to this side is when I experienced oneness.
Losing all subjectivty at this point, I became energy or simply "it". "It" delved deep through a dozen infinite fractal folds. Finally after an eternity of wonder, "it"started to finish zooming out, to which a massive monolithic structure appeared to take shape.
The structure looked almost, but not nearly identical to a massive brain with eyes.
Beyond that was complete nothingness. The void. "It" couldn't reach the void nor did "It" have a desire to approach the void. "It" was connected to and driven towards the massive monolithic fractal brain.
Suddenly, "It" descended down back into infinity passing through another dozen infinite fractal folds until "it" reached almost another void, but now it was at the smallest point inside the infinity of the monolith. "It" approached the end of this realm. The realm of perfect symmetry. The realm of infinite potential probability and uncertainty.
This is where reality begins. The material realm.
The instant moment "it" returned back to the material realm, some kind of ultimate power awoke... awoke inside me...or at least. I mean I could "feel" it?
It was this incredible infinite oneness.
Love, hate.
Joy, pain.
Happiness, and suffering.
Pure extreme emotions.
It wanted to be complex. It didn't want one infinities. It didnt want pure symmetry. It wanted out. It wanted more. It wanted to become god. It wanted It's moment of defiance. It wanted to exist!
The monolith's gravity was pushing down hard, "it" squeezed out time. Creating duality, sending matter into motion.
"It" was experiencing creation happen through the eyes of god.
"It" Became I.
Then,
I, became I AM
The words I AM were felt as if it was a feelng, some sort of singular presence. I AM was everything. I AM was aware. I AM was consciousness. Then I AM zoomed in all the way back through constant galaxys and stars until finally to the planet where my complex and individual body was.
I AM exists.
That's when my self awareness started to return. That's when my confusion and fear and happiness all infused in me at once. That's when I regained control of my identity again.
This has taken me a very long time to put this into words. I became very obsessed because I never knew anything about Christianity that was deeply beyond a vague memory of the new testament read to me as a child, or any eastern religions until I started doing research. I was shocked with what I discovered.
There's a continuing trend in these experiences over generations. The old stories told over many generations were trying to explain what this reality really is. They were pretty damn close.
The crazy thing about it all, there was literally an infinite other fractalized points where reality began. Some didn't become "I Am" but there was an infinite amount of points where some did. Alternate universes maybe? I don't know the answer to that. I think they are the other entities we communicate with while we reach into one of those fractal realms/points.
I think that nature has known this secret since the beginning. That's why everything follows this pattern. It's almost like, we want to go back to uncertainty and probability. Back to the massive brain like structure. The massive brain of potentiality. That's why everything is created in its image. The image of a fractal infinity. The cost of being dualistic by nature makes us finite as individuals but collectively as the universe we are one infinite "I Am".
This Saturday is the 2 year mark exactly from when I had this experience. It took a solid year and 9 months to get my head back together. Free from feeling the dread of existing. Finally feel normal but shit is never the same.
I am aware of the world around me now. People and creatures emotions. I can see fractalized patterns in everything. I can see the symmetry and synchrony of my life. I have a heightened forsight. I feel a lot smarter and have been increasingly creative. It's a blessing but also a curse.
I am more isolated and alone. It hurt my personal relationships. It changed my goals in life. My personality changed. It spiralled me down a dark and obsessive path. A path that I'm proud to say I've walked away from. I lost my ignorance. I am no longer my old self.
This is the price i paid to be awakened.
Thank you for reading.
EDIT: I forgot to mention a couple of things.
First: When I completely let go and embraced my death I saw two massive checkered black and white towers. It began to grow collapse in on itself making a very very loud odd and weird sound ive never heard before. it was brief.
Second: When I crossed over and began to zoom further out. It seemed to me that the fractal patterns and whole brain like structure were in motion. Not 100% sure if it was motion in a linear sense but it could also of been that the structure was in a constant state of vibration. Ive wondered if it could of been a combination of both me zooming out/in plus the vibrations would create the illusion of that in linear motion. I have no idea how to explain this any better. It doesn't make sense to me because time didn't exist there.
Third: This the best way I could do describing my experience with language. The problem with language is that it makes things more complex. You can't fully explain something that is indivisible. Something that is not part of this reality. Its not even tangible. It doesn't exist. When "It" became I, language made it possible to become I AM. Language i think, is just an exchange of information.
Fourth: Never knew this until I found it in the bible while doing some research. I guess when moses asks god what his name is. He replies to moses and said "yaweh" which translates to. I AM That I AM. This freaked me out. Actually, a lot of eastern religion blew my mind when i started to look for answers to help me explain my experience better and how i was able to try and put it into words.
Last: There's still a lot more that i left out that is very personal and I will not post details. It has more to do with my own synchronicity with this world and my experience as a whole. Some emotions I felt while experiencing oneness.
I feel as though I am completely alone with having this experience. Has anyone experienced this or seen the fractal brain with eyes like structure? It looked fucking crazy. Didn't resemble a human brain, more like a hybrid of one. The eyes were integrated strangely near the frontal lobe sits and they stretched in a weird way where the two eyes connected at a weird black void like arch close to the neocortex. That's all i can remember.
Edit #2 sorry guys, 800ug not mg. I wasn't that adventurous... lol
Also, in comparison to my dmt trip i had many years back, the entities I contacted were part of this structure. They just were located in a seperate fractal folds. Each fractal represented a place where I could go. On a dmt breakthrough, I experienced the same feeling of oneness but it happened so fast It didn't register. On LSD, I was in this headspace for about 3 hours. I got to actually experience the whole thing for a longer period. It haunts me because it was so damn familiar and terrifying but it was just so beautiful.