Last night I posted a trip report in which I encountered jesters within the dmt tunnel and came back almost instantly. I posted my experience and straight after that went for another blast off and what happened was just unbelievably terrifying. I sat in complete darkness staring into the chamber of my glass pipe as it filled with smoke. Time slowed down as I exhaled ready for the big hit...I brought my lips to the pipe and inhaled as hard as I could and immediately I was there, a majority of the visuals I have forgotten however because they were just so intense. I ended up on a very deep thought trail without realizing I was doing so. It was like I had been hypnotized, put on this metaphysical train that was going at an infinite speed into a void of nothingness while my senses and body disappeared and my mind followed along. I had this similar feeling that I had with an lsd experience a few years ago, that feeling that acid is just melting your brain with the vibes of "You just had to be too curious for your own good" then I would regain consciousness, gain a little bit of sanity then go back to the "You just had to be too curious for your own good" and I was stuck in an endless and terrifying loop of trying to get out of it, tricking myself into thinking I wasn't tripping, then realizing and falling back to it over and over and over again. At this point the visuals had COMPLETELY engulfed my vision, this reality did not exist in the slightest, no touch, no smell, no feeling, the epitome of a boundless and endless consciousness in this void of nothing was all I knew and all I was. I was in this mindset without even realizing it, it was like I had fallen asleep and woke up in this place and when I did that's when the panic started because the more I tried to get out of this loop the scarier it became. I cannot remember how or why but I recall saying "mum? mum? mum are you there?? MUM?", it was like I was a kid who had just been left alone for the FIRST time and I just wanted comfort and to be told everything is fine, I starting flailing around my room (I'll tell you how I know that later on, because at this time this reality still didnt exist for me, I didnt even know I was doing it) I banged my head against a wall, ripped at my carpet and hit a bowl just trying to get out of my own damn head and it just got worse and worse until the terror PEAKED and finally I realized all I could do is just breathe, be in the moment and just breathe, it was the most calming and blissful experience of my life, I just started to breathe and mum popped into my head and a FLOOD of memories just busted into my mind, all the times that she had been there for me when I was scared, when I was down, when I was hungry, when I was lonely, when I was lost, she has been there through every step of my life, and I started to finally get a grasp of who I was. With every breath a new appreciation for my mum, with every appreciation for my mum a step closer to sanity, with every step closer to sanity a step closer to coming back to this reality. Finally I was back, the void disappeared and my room took its place and all that laid in front of me were 3 scared and confused faces. I had made so much noise in my room at 1am in the morning that it had woken 2 of my sisters up as well as one of her friends. I tried to talk but kept choking on my words and kept repeating the words "Where have I been?" "Where have I been?" I tried to move but was so unbelievably unco-ordinated. As i looked around my room taking it all in. slowly slowly I started to realise where I was and what I had done, I had strong visuals similar to LSD but fuck me was I glad to just feel real again. I rubbed my hands on my black shaggy carpet and it was just so fucking beautiful to be able to feel again. I looked up to the 3 distraught girls, stood and up and said "I've probably scared the shit out of you haven't I?" My sisters friend (Who has a beautiful understanding of the world) said "Just glad to see your back" with the most comforting smile I have ever seen. Both my sisters were scared of me while she had this look in her eye like she knew EXACTLY what I had just been through. After just staring at them for a while happy that they existed and I wasnt alone in this universe my sister said "Are you alright now?" and as she asked that my mum came upstairs to check up on me and make sure I was alright, she was there when I had an eye opening experience on LSD and she must have thought I was going through something similar, she just looked at me and let me be. I sat back down, one of my sisters went back to bed while another stayed and my sister's friend stayed and talked to me, not in an interrogation kinda way but a "Totally intrigued and interested in whatever just went through my head" kinda way. I explained to her that I lost my sense of self, had no idea where I was, who I was or how I ended up in the place and that I was stuck in the eternity of my mind. My mum popped back into my mind and I stood up, took a deep breath and said "I'm going to go give my mum a hug" and that's exactly what I did. I went downstairs, saw her panicked face and we hugged it out, my entire journey of self discovery lead to this exact moment. I told her I love her so much. I saw my dad and forgave him for all his misdeeds and told him I loved him too. She went to bed and I went back upstairs to talk to my sister's friend and as we talked things out and she confirmed my belief that we are here for no other reason than to be with each other and love and support one another to the best of our abilities. It truly is all just love, Wherever I ended up felt like eternity, the only thing bringing me out of that void was love. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing in life, as long as the intention stems from love there is literally no possible room for error. From this day forward looking after my mum and learning and growing with my siblings is my newly found purpose. Who are we without those around us, we are so much more fragile then we realize but together we can accomplish the most amazing feats, experience the highest highs and be there with each other for the lowest of lows. You are all my brother's and sister's, DMT has shown me what I needed and it has done it in a way that only DMT could do. I have never experienced so much hopelessness in my life just as I have never experienced so much Love and bliss. This existence is a sigh of relief and having it all taken away from me has been so humbling. I hope this made even a little bit of sense, I have a lot of integration to do but i'm glad I have some hope for the future. Wherever I was or whatever I was thinking in that pit I would never wish upon satan himself but at the same time it has opened my eyes, perhaps there is more to suffering than meets the eye and approaching everything with love is all we can do. I would love to know if anyone else has experienced that loop or scared themselves with their own insanity and how they brought themselves out of it. Much love my brother's and sister's <3