So I just vaped the largest dose of 5meoDMT I've had to date. I wanted to share my experience asap as it was only 15 minutes ago that I partook.
I just wanna say: Thanks but no thanks? It felt like being punched in the chest by God... I understand why the mantra is "breathe..." for many... The sensation is one of losing all touch with the former existence. It's very unsettling and I can only say that it felt like I was actually dying.
I had to go to "relax it will be over in a few minutes" and tell myself Breathe Breathe... The strangest thing was I had to evacuate my bowels while I was peaking... might have a buildup of toxins I realize, but this was sudden and overpowering.
Really zero visual effects, no shimmering this time, just a kind of fading out that went from my peripheral senses to my center of perception...
You have to accept because you have no choice once you have vaped or ingested any amount... It's like your soul is literally being torn from your body. If you've seen "Travelers" on Netflix it's like when they do an "overwrite," your former consciousness is making way for a new one, or something..
I can see why the experience lends itself to acceptance and love, but I feel like the bodily sensation is a bit much for this fella. I realize I was at threshhold or light, perhaps light-medium in terms of trip intensity.
It's now worn off and I have realized the state I was hoping for- relaxed and content on a Saturday morning with a feeling of complete acceptance. Thoughts and sensations feel more accurate or appreciable. Silly things seem sillier- my friend is making silly jokes over messenger and I have zero interest in attending to or really even considering them. I do like how it feels just chilling in bed, kind of like melting...
I really don't feel the need to ask for another powerful soul punch in the chest any time soon. It's too uncertain whether one might actually die toying with this. Sure, trip reports mostly indicate everyone comes back and feels an improved state of being following a 5meoDMT "breakthrough", being reborn and all that, but I feel like a touch of this possibility is all I need for now, and I trust that the natural death and rebirth experience will encompass all of this and more, in a way that is not disruptive to my existence.
...because if you die on this, it might be too easy to carry guilt/shame about hurting your loved ones, leaving too early and such... sure none of that matters in the great beyond and ultimately one has no choice but to let go and give in, but I get the strong feeling that the information received before your conscious state of being is shattered, stays with us as a kind of imprint for our next carnation. Maybe so and maybe not, but life must be the polar opposite of death for SOME reason. Really being able to let go and carry no regrets is probably a good way to close the chapter, compared to fooling with a substance.
Being gone and letting go might just be the transition to dying, so ultimately becomes cozy and warm, but never heard any 5meoDMT tripper say they were encouraged to remain on the other side for eternity. What I mean is that might just be transition to the next stage.
I can accept all these notions without feeling like I am dying... I get that I am talking to myself and I am a silly human, but babies are reborn, they are silly, all of life is anew, and we encourage them to grow and act upon the world and such, rather than induce death in a four-year old for example. It feels like that: Is there any reason to venture to the beyond too soon?
It feels like peaking on a huge dose of mushrooms, compressed into a few minutes, a huge body load that induces a feeling of being renewed and relieved when the peak is over.
To anyone who has experienced large doses of 5meoDMT... thanks. I am in your debt and humbled by your courage, however I am going to let this all pass.
If there was a threat of nuclear war and you had 100mg of this preloaded so you could Exit Stage Left before tragedy took, you heard nuclear bombs in the distance and your city was next- I feel like it wouldn't matter if you flipped the switch and vaped it and peaced out, or if you accepted your fate and let natural death occur. They might be equally uncomfortable.
Overall it occurs to me that indulging in ego dissolution or the sensation of death is an intense way to enhance one's life. A typical DMT breakthrough hasn't included the actual possibility of death, and even on huge doses of Salvia I have always felt I was "there."
Strong stuff this is. Use caution you must.