I don't know where else to put this but I feel like I have to share.
So after a few years of first learning about DMT it finally decided to show itself to me; A buddy from highschool hit me up out of the blue saying that he had liquid DMT. Me being the psychonaut that I am jumped on the opportunity to finally experience it.
Now when he said that he had liquid DMT I was skeptical since I've never heard of DMT coming in liquid form other than ayahuasca. It was a little vial full of brown liquid meant to be vaporized so maybe it was dissolved in some sort of vape juice? I went home, loaded up a cheap vaporizer I got on the way home and decided to test the waters by dipping my toe. I took one hit and before I knew it there was an intense ringing in my ears that got louder and louder and I started seeing geometrical patterns in my vision, mainly the flower of life. Thats when I knew what I had was real. This was a few days ago.
Today, after taking single puffs over the past few days, decided that I was ready to try to break through. I had experienced ego death under the effects of LSD a few years back and just last month I took an entire strip with no ill effect to my mind or body so I was confident in my mental fortitude. I now see how foolish I was.
I started off by testing the waters yet again by taking a single puff and listening to the intense tone ringing in my ears, watching random scuff marks on my wall dance and swirl into geometric shapes. I took another puff and the tone got even more and more louder, the wall marks were swirling by even faster but I wasn't seeing just geometric shapes anymore. Were those eyes? A face? I didn't have enough time to watch it, I had to keep going before I lost the wave.
On release of the third puff I felt the tone was deafening me, yet I could still hear the outside world. It felt like the tone was starting to resonate with my cells. A vibrating feeling was coming over my body. I looked around my room and it felt sterile somehow, like all the fine details of every object was somehow missing. That's when my eyes locked on my closet door.
I knew it was a door but it didn't look like any door I've ever seen. All the details were gone; the cracks in the paint, height markers, even the scuff marks. It was like I was just looking at a group of lines making a door. Thats when I realized what was happening. I was stripping away all the details and looking closer and closer at the hologram that is our reality. What I was looking at was a hyper-realistic 3D model of a door. It was the same for all of the objects in my room but the door stuck with me. I slowly took in a deep breath, reminding myself to breathe and let it out just as slowly. As the air left my body a sort of feeling came over me and I felt like I had to cry. Why the hell was this door making me cry? I've had worse trips on LSD and have come out of it with a poker face. (well, maybe not the ego death but I wouldn't call that a bad trip. just unpleasant.) All of a sudden my cat jumped on my bed and came towards me. In the room full of fake hyper-realistic 3D models of my things, she looked the most real. She cuddled up to me and I pet her as I started to come down, holding back the tears still.
Why did stripping the layers of reality's details fill me with such emotion that I felt the need to cry? I've already learned that the universe is a hologram but actually seeing it for yourself is an entirely different beast.
I come here asking for help. What can I do to prepare myself for my next trip? I won't be deterred by what I've seen despite my mind screaming at me 'never again!' I will break through. Would smoking pot or tripping under the effects of LSD take the edge off?
Thank you for getting this far and reading my story.