If you saw my previous post you'd know I'd been planning on doing 2 bottles of robocough and a 100ug tab of LSD. However I wasn't in a good mindset whatsoever, I didn't really want to trip that night. I was extremely tired (I did acid the night before so I didn't sleep) and was feeling reluctant about doing the LSDXM combo. I should have listened to myself and saved the trip for a few weeks later, however my friend (who had just received his free robocough sample and was planning to call me during our trip) wanted me to trip with him. Eventually I decided to dose.
10:20- Drank both bottles of robocough, they didn't taste terrible and were small enough that I could down them in a few gulps. Much easier than any other syrup except Delsym.
10:30-Turned off every source of light in my room as I always end up being extremely annoyed by them when I trip.
10:50- Starting to feel the come-up effects so I lay down in bed and put the tab under my tongue. Feeling slight nausea but I figured I would be able to control it and refrain from vomiting.
11:30- Body load is getting increasingly heavier and starting to feel disassociated, tab is completely dissolved and nausea is not going away. I realize I'm inevitably going to vomit so I clumsily walk to my bathroom. I end up puking twice. I instantly felt a large amount of relief and told myself "See, you feel amazing, this trip is gonna go great" As is tradition on DXM I lay down in complete darkness and listen to music on my wireless headphones.
At this point time becomes a complete blur so I wont be doing any more time stamps. As I listen to music the visuals start to get extremely intense. Fractals and geometric patterns swirl and contort my vision that remind me of what people describe during DMT experiences. This is about the only part of the trip I enjoy.
I find myself in a dark room made of complex geometry that I can only describe as 4th dimensional, I turn my head and see a multicolored insect that looks like a Praying Mantis. He shrugs at me and looks disappointed as if saying "sorry, can't help you, you've really screwed yourself this time". This unsettled me but I tend to enjoy these kind of experiences.
The geometry began morphing into faces of clowns that closely resembled Pennywise from "IT". This of course terrified me but I tried laughing it off (as I have done in the past when trips turned dark and it usually works). It didn't work but eventually the faces went away the the geometry returned.
The rest of the trip took place in a weird, alien looking room that I didn't recognize. I saw multiple entities that I asked many questions such as "is God real" and "should move to Norway" which are two questions I've been asking myself a lot lately. They didn't answer these questions and simply conveyed to me "you are the universe, do with that information what you will" After this my ego began to dissolve completely. I had no idea who I was, where I was, or what my life was. All I knew was that I was the universe.
Then began the most long-lasting and intense thought loop I've ever experienced. From around 12:30AM to 4:30AM I would do the exact same routine over, and over, and over, and over. The loop consisted of me calling my friend (eventually he wouldn't pick up anymore), hearing his voice which terrified me and sounded demonic, hanging up, being convinced I killed my friend (by giving him robocough which I for some reason thought he was allergic to), pausing my music, taking out my headphones, looking at my ceiling, turning to my side, unlocking my phone, going on Instagram, turning off my phone, putting my headphones in, pressing play on my music. Rinse and repeat over and over and over for what seemed like multiple life times. This was absolute torture as I became aware I was in a loop multiple times, only for me to forget I'm in a loop and continue doing it.
The loops only stopped once I felt something warm run down my face, I put my phone to it and shined the flashlight on it. My nose was gushing blood. I have no idea what caused it but the amount of blood coming out of my nose was terrifying, even my sober self would have been disgusted. I got up to go to my bathroom to stop the bleeding only to collapse on the floor after taking a few steps, I rolled on my back so the blood wouldn't get on the floor. For about 5 minutes I laid on my back, swallowing an ungodly amount of blood which i thought would stop the bleeding. I realized I couldn't keep this up as it tasted horrible and stood up again, this time making it to the bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror and was absolutely horrified, my face looked like an alien creature and my eyes were facing completely different directions. My arms and face were covered in dry blood and my nose was gushing. I grabbed toilet paper and applied pressure to my nose to stop the bleeding. For some reason it just wouldn't stop bleeding and in my mind I convinced myself "Your brain is bleeding, you've finally done it. You've put a hole in your brain and you killed yourself" I could feel my brain bleeding into my nose. I took my pants off and sat down on the toilet and immediately began dry heaving, it was extremely painful and i began to spit out the blood I'd swallowed earlier. I began to get light headed and my body started tingling. In my head I said "you've lost too much blood, you're going to bleed out and die".
At this point I accepted death and it was strangely peaceful. I wasn't thrilled about dying pants-less on a toilet but I accepted it nonetheless. After probably 10 minutes of just sitting on the toilet something in my brain said "you can still save yourself you fucking dumbass, go get toilet paper and stop the bleeding" I got up and desperately began trying to stop the bleeding. This time I managed to do it. I wasn't going to die. I tried cleaning up the blood that was all over my bathroom floor but I just wasn't physically coordinated enough to do it so I gave up.
I was absolutely exhausted so I robowalked to my bed and laid down. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. I woke up at 11 PM, absolutely shook to the core. Still very foggy I went to my bathroom and began cleaning up the blood. I went through almost half a roll of paper towels before it was fully cleaned up.
The rest of the day was extremely foggy, I took my mom out for Mother's Day to her favorite restaurant, but I couldn't stop thinking about how I "almost died" . It genuinely terrified me and caused me to fear for my life, something that has never happened to me before. As someone who's never had a bad trip until now I was not prepared in the slightest. It taught me valuable lessons though. I realized how much I love living and how much I love my family and friends. I also know now to only trip when I'm only 100% enthusiastic about tripping. I'm going to take a couple months off of drugs completely, I'm going to Spain from June to July and I'm probably not going to trip until after summer when I get back from Spain.
I'm thankful to be alive and just wanna remind everyone that set and setting is everything when it comes to preventing a bad trip. If you have a bad trip make sure to take something from it and use it to improve yourself and you won't have suffered in vain.