I do not recommend dabbing this much DMT I don't consider this a bad trip, but it was definitely tough. Don't see myself ever doing this much again. Sorry for the long read.
"I became aware that I had lungs. I have a body, I can breathe. I am thankful to be back. I hugged my bed, feeling grounded once again."
I consider myself an experienced psychonaut, but this trip kicked my ass. I've experimented with DMT 25+ times, mostly performed by dabbing on a quartz nail or in a vape mod. I've read stories about "breaking through," and really only got the fully multidimensional experience <5 times. I feel like some people use the term "breakthrough" lightly. This is my first trip report.
I had 3 glasses of wine to take off the edge. Prior to the breakthrough, I heated up my nail and dropped in about 60-70ish mg of fluffy white powder all at once. I think it was a little too hot, as it all combusted pretty quickly. I took it all in one big hit and held in. Exhale. I enjoyed the experience and sat in bed reflecting. Often while taking DMT alone, I'll find myself in a state of scattered thinking (I want to open my eyes, no wait - I want to close them. No wait, I want to focus on this, no - I want to listen to this song while watching Mandelbrot zooms on YouTube), which I think takes away from the experience as a whole. Sometimes I can't help it, there's just so much going on at once.
After about 20 minutes of reflecting on the experience, I decided I wanted to try a slightly bigger dose at a lower temperature. This time without headphones on, in darkness while soft music is playing. I wanted to fully soak in the trip without external stimuli. I dug out a big scoop of fluff - probably somewhere in the 70-90mg range. I waited for the nail to cool down and proceeded to let her melt down the side wall of the nail, capping it with my phone screen (lol). I received a significantly larger amount of vapor/smoke than my last dab. One hit. One BIG hit.
Upon exhaling, I quickly realized it was gonna be a long ride. I get the usual buzzing and frequency shift, but on a much heavier scale. My vision begins to vibrate as consciousness begins to dissolve. I lay back on my pillows. What happens next is very dark (color-wise) and difficult to recall. Almost like a blackout. In previous trips, I usually have some sense of self. I suddenly no longer existed as I was before (complete ego loss - zero, and I mean zero, sense of self). The next thing I can recall is the void. Almost like an infinite stream of idle formless data flow. Purposeless, yet purposeful, with continual loops of creation, destruction, creation, destruction. I am nothing but a single point of confused awareness. No me. No body. No sense of what anything meant, except for the loop. My point of awareness was tethered to this everlasting synergistic cycle of creation and destruction. One moment "I" am existing as a page in a book with infinite pages. As I began to focus on what the page meant, another page abruptly turns - I'm now existing as the next page. The last page didn’t matter because I am now the next, and so on. None of it made sense. There were no entities, only movement through hyperspace. The book is a metaphor for what felt like an intangible & highly concentrated dimension of information. The cycle continued in intervals of what seemed to be a second or 2. To be honest, it was very uncomfortable in a sense that I began to feel that this was how things were. This was a greater reality, a merciless grid-like supercomputer dimension of continuous flow, where I may exist forever in its waves as a single byte of everchanging information
All of a sudden, I had a sense of breathing. I had a body. I am laying down. At this moment I was so thankful to be alive. I began to focus on breathing deeply. I had no idea what was going on. It was a very WTF moment. It brought a tiny bit of satire to the moment, which was much needed. I turned on my lamp next to me. I see a rig next to me (and some holographic cats??). What did I take!???? What am I on??? I recalled back to earlier in the day when I was handling some mushrooms. For a moment I thought I ate a bunch of mushrooms and was just returning. Upon further thinking, this was not the case. Moving on to the next probability. I must have inhaled some Oxalic Acid earlier (Was carefully using it to clean buildup on quartz crystals I dug up). I need medical attention!! I am tripping BALLS from inhaling that stuff! A few more moments pass and I finally piece together that I dabbed DMT.
I'm happy and thankful that I'm able to walk away from this experience without any psychological problems. It's funny, because one of the first things I recall when snapping out of it was - Why the FUCK didn't I have a trip sitter?? Take care of yourselves. Much Love! I won't be returning to hyperspace for some time.