DOSE:
3 hits
sublingual
LSD
(blotter / tab)
BODY WEIGHT:
280 lb
At this time in my life, I had a trustworthy and steady supply of all the basic necessities an up and coming psychonaut would ever need. All it took was a small chunk of change and a quick phone call to my plug, and I was the proud owner of some of the most mind altering substances known to man. Obtaining the acid was easy enough, however, this time it came with a warning. My dealer told me that this was some of the strongest acid he had ever tried. He then told me that the blotters were double dosed. Being somewhat experienced, or so I thought, I thanked him for his time and shrugged off his suggestion for taking a smaller dose to start off with.
After I made the purchase I made my way over to my friend's apartment. I'll call him C for anonymity and simplicity�s sake. Once I arrived at C�s apartment, I greeted my other friend D and sat on the couch. The plan was to wait for C to get off of work so that the three of us could trip together. Other players that night included C�s sister A as well as her boyfriend B and D�s brother E, as well as E�s girlfriend J, however, D and I were the only ones at the apartment at the time. After about an hour of playing video games, E and J arrived at the apartment and informed us that C wouldn�t be getting home until late in the evening because he had to stay late at work, so D and I decided to dose early.
We both dropped 3 blotters each under our tongues and sat back to wait for the effects to kick in. While I had tripped several times on acid prior to this, D had only done it twice at this point. The most I had ever done up until this point was 2 tabs, so I remember being slightly nervous, but overall, not extremely worried for what the night would hold for us. While the four of us were sitting in C�s room, we decided to turn on his color changing LED�s as well as some chill music to ease us into our come up.
The first thing that I noticed was the tapestry on the wall. This tapestry was something that I never paid much attention to prior to this experience. It was an extremely vivid psychedelic artwork containing multiple tie dye colors, fractal geometric shapes, and symbols. While I was staring at the tapestry I noticed that the symbols began to breathe with the music, almost as if they were floating on the sound waves like a boat bobbing up and down in the middle of the ocean. The fractal shapes were popping out at me like I was in an IMAX theater wearing 3D glasses. The thing that bothered me at the time was that it had only been ten minutes since we dropped.
I knew one thing at that very moment, and it was that the acid we had just taken was stronger than anything I had ever taken before. Usually, it takes around 45 minutes for the come up to start, however, this time it was happening much faster, and stronger. I repeated to myself the age old mantra that I had been told the very first time I had ever tripped, �ride the dragon man� and that's what I did.
Everything was going fine, I was slowly getting higher, more confused, and more visuals, and that was to be expected. However, shortly after I had acclimated myself to the initial phase of the come up, our dynamic, and as a result, the atmosphere changed. E and J looked at me and D and told us that they had to leave. It had only been 30 minutes since we had dropped, E and J had an emergency, so they had to leave us behind to go take care of their situation. I instantly felt a pit in my stomach. I had been told only a few minutes prior to this that C and A would not be off of work till 10 o�clock that evening, which meant that D and I would have to be by ourselves for the next 4 hours until they got home.
The time it took for E and J to pack their belongings and leave took around 2 minutes, however to me, it felt like an hour had passed. Then, they were gone, and it felt like it had happened instantaneously. I remember thinking to myself that time was already starting to become irrelevant and it had only been 35 minutes since we had put the blotters under our tongues. My anxiety continued to increase, even after E and J had left, meanwhile D was sitting playing on his phone, or so I thought. I found out later that he was attempting to snapchat his girlfriend at the time with little success.
I asked D if I could change the music, since he was playing it on his phone. He obliged and handed me the phone so that I could change the song. My visuals were so intense at this point that nothing in the room looked familiar. It looked like I had just traveled through a wormhole to an alternate dimension where everything was a weird shape or color. My open eye visuals consisted of millions of spirals and buzzsaw fractals, as well as the constant morphing of everything in my vision. I quickly realized that I had no way of deciphering the alien piece of technology that I was holding and I could only press random buttons on the screen, not knowing what I was doing.
I went through a thought loop of trying to change the song, where I would turn the phone on, attempt to unlock it even though I didn�t know the password (not that it would have mattered) and then turning it back off after becoming frustrated. This went on for several minutes until I finally gave up and accepted defeat. At this point I couldn�t even remember what I was trying to do in the first place. While the simple task did help alleviate my anxiety for a short amount of time, it all came rushing back once I found myself with nothing to do. I looked over to my friend and realized that he had been watching me frantically typing away at his phone's lock screen for several minutes, never attempting to ask him what the password was. I can only imagine what was going through his head at the time. I didn�t care though, to me he just looked like an alien, or an NPC in a video game. Nothing about him looked familiar to me, it was almost like I was looking at a new creature never before seen by the human eye. Deep down though, some part of me knew that he was still my friend even though he looked nothing like the D I once knew.
Barely remembering how to speak English, I asked him how he was doing. Then he replied with, to this day, the most terrifying thing that anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. He replied, �This is fine.�
The next couple of hours are blurry, and I am still struggling to piece together my memory of the events that took place during this time. However, I do remember one thing. I remember my friend repeating the phrase, �this is fine� over and over again, for what seemed like an infinite amount of time. At first it was an annoyance, but then it developed into anxiety, and then a full blown panic attack. I was so high that the words held no meaning to me, however, just the sound of his voice and the utterance of that phrase were driving me to insanity. My visuals were so overwhelmingly intense that I couldn�t even see what was right in front of me. However, they were moving in sink to his voice, and his repetition of the phrase, �this is fine.�
I attempted to escape, and fled to the living room. Somehow I remembered that TV existed and I turned on the TV in the living room to drown out the noise of my friend, however, it was short lived as he entered the living room to be near me. I think that he was just as freaked out, if not more, than I was at the time, but I could not handle what he was saying to me. I turned the volume on the TV to the max, and tried to focus on what was going on, but everything on the TV looked just as foreign and alien as the world around me. Still, through the blaring sound of the TV I could hear my friend screaming at the top of his lungs, �THIS IS FINE.�
This went on for a few minutes, until I finally snapped and ran to the bathroom for some respite. After getting lost in my own eyes and thoughts in the mirror, I decided to take a shower. For my entire life, hot showers have always calmed me down when I�m having an anxiety attack, and the feeling of the warm water over my face helped a little bit, but I could still faintly hear my friend in the background repeating the same phrase. At this point I couldn�t understand english, so he could have been saying anything, but deep down I knew that he was still repeating the same thing over and over again. I remember looking at the falling droplets of water and being able to control and predict their paths of movement with my mind. My memory is fuzzy but I believed that I could control the temperature of the water with my mind as well, almost as if I had some slight form of telekinesis. I dried off and re-entered the living room after my shower, only to find D in the same spot I had left him. He was still repeating the same phrase, however, this time his mouth wasn�t moving. He was staring at me with cold dead eyes, and in my head I heard the phrase �this is fine� over and over still.
This truly has to be the most existential dread I have ever experienced in my entire life. Since this experience I have had conversations with DMT jesters and aliens, met the mushroom gods on multiple occasions, however seeing my friend communicate to me with his mind while staring into my soul was truly more terrifying than anything else I have ever experienced. I have had conversations with DMT jesters and aliens, met the mushroom gods on multiple occasions, however seeing my friend communicate to me with his mind while staring into my soul was truly more terrifying than anything else I have ever experienced.