DOSE:
repeated
insufflated
Cocaine
BODY WEIGHT:
140 lb
Cocaine, Revisited
So it�s been a few weeks since I did what responsible adults do and nurtured a cocaine habit. I forget the specific justification, only that it involved being more productive and more engaged in school. The funny little lies we addicts tell ourselves are not to be trifled with.
Several sleepless nights and psychotic episodes later, I thought it apt to make something out of it and recount my experience with cocaine, past and present.
I was prompted to write this as several doses of cocaine were leaving my system on the drive home, when I was overcome with a profound awareness of the world around me. Driving down the highway, it was truly a beautiful sight. From the big picture to the minutiae of the blue sky reflecting off of the still-wet storm drain, breathtaking. It reminds me of one of cocaine�s primary effects: it shifts awareness inward. For me, when I �do things,� there is an ever-present, if sometimes unnoticed, connection to the world around me. In an instant, upon taking cocaine, this connection is severed and I am all that�s left. It makes once-enjoyable tasks like working on homework or cooking somehow difficult and foggy. I simply don�t feel integrated.
I think it was different in the past, when I was less self-aware. I was content to spend my nights at the local pub with my friends, doing lines in the back where no one could see us. We carved our names into that table, but they�ve since replaced it. It may not be a fair comparison, as my primary objective back then was to do cocaine, and nothing more. At any rate, cocaine kills. It pains me immensely to have been having a genuine interaction with a friend and then, upon insufflation, my ability to connect is lost and algorithmic responses are all I have to offer.
Please take it to heart when I say, the best part of the cocaine high is the comedown. It�s like traveling a big circle only to discover what you were missing was in front of you the whole time the best part of the cocaine high is the comedown. It�s like traveling a big circle only to discover what you were missing was in front of you the whole time