DOSE:
330 mg
oral
DXM
(liquid)
BODY WEIGHT:
160 lb
For a very long time, I had a lot of negative feelings associated with drugs and their use (whether it was responsible or not), many of which I realized were irrational. Approximately 9 months ago, I became involved with someone who had a large amount of experience with substance use (experimentation, not abuse), and I was introduced to this fairly quickly (she smoked marijuana at a frat party on our first 'date'). I was completely naive in the entire realm concerning illicit (and licit) drugs. In the beginning of the relationship, I felt a false sense of openness to new experiences, probably more in an effort to impress her than anything. I smoked marijuana with her twice (feeling nothing on the first occasion, and becoming very sick on the second), and used nitrous oxide as well. I started drinking alcohol at parties with her, and sometimes smoking cigarettes, tobacco and clove. As time went on, however, I discovered how much I disliked doing these things, and that I had a very strong aversion to them. I grew to hate whenever she would smoke marijuana, or use nitrous oxide, and my entire disposition changed at these times.
If she was going to smoke marijuana with some friends, I would completely shut her off, become extremely uncomfortable, and do anything I could to try and drive thoughts involving her drug use out of my mind. I would play very loud music on headphones, I would play violent computer games, one time I even jumped in Lake Michigan when it was quite cold. This sort of aversion to drug use put quite a strain on our relationship. On at least two occasions, it led to very nearly breaking up. There was a lot of stress and anxiety in our relationship because of this aversion I felt. And I did not lie inactive on this issue. I read as much as I could about drugs, hoping that if I were better informed on the real effects of drugs, then I would not be so violently opposed to their use. Erowid.org was my favorite site over the summer, not because I especially liked drugs, but because I thought the path to salvation of our relationship lay therein.
Unfortunately, mere information appeared to do nothing to change my opinions of drugs. I knew quite a bit, I thought, but I still felt many negative feelings about it. All during this time, I had the suspicion that what I really needed was some BIG event to occur, something much more than just information on a web page, to change my mind. Something like me using some drug. However, I felt so incredibly hypocritical about attempting something like that, and uncomfortable doing it in my girlfriend's presence (especially if she were using the same drug, which would inevitably be the case), that this idea remained on the back burner of my mind.
When I read about DXM, the dissociative anesthetic found in cough syrup that could produce trips similar to those induced by Ketamine (something I considered to be a really 'hard' drug), I knew I had found something that could serve as catalyst for that really big change I was looking for. It was easy to find, it was legal, the ingestion method was easy (I don't know how to smoke, really), and its effects were certainly nothing to be scoffed at.
Secretly, I bought an 8 oz bottle of generic brand Maximum Strength Cough Syrup, and put it in my drawer to think about, perhaps waiting for just the right time. On October 19, I knew it was time. My girlfriend didn't want to do anything that evening, it was the start of a weekend, my roommate was gone, and I had no work that needed to be done for that entire weekend. I felt bad that I wasn't going to tell my girlfriend what I was doing, but I was sure that it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. Also, I felt embarassed, and if it was going to produce the change I was hoping it would, it would be much easier for me to confess afterwards.
Starting at 9:00pm, and going until 10:00pm, I drank 22 teaspoons (110mL, or approx. 3.7 oz), in quantities of 2 and 4 teaspoons. It tasted absolutely awful, but with such small quantities spaced over an
hour, I felt minimal nausea.
At about 9:30pm, I started feeling the first effects of the DXM, feeling a bit lightheaded and dizzy. I had already chosen some music for the evening, before I began ingesting the cough syrup. I had a repeated playlist of Paul Oakenfold's Tranceport, Paul Oakenfold's Ibiza Essential Mix, and BT's Ima. When I started feeling dizzy, I turned off the lights in my room, turned the music on a bit, and lay down on the couch with my eyes closed. Over the next hour, until 10:30pm, I felt the intensity of the effects increase until what I felt was a plateau. At some point in this elevation, I began having very vivid dream-like visions. I don't think I fell asleep, though I can't be certain about that. I closed my eyes, and saw wonderful things, many of them driven by the music I was listening to. The music itself was extremely enjoyable, and even now, 5 or 6 weeks after this experience, I still feel a bit of a thrill when I listen to that music. I turned into many different positions lying on the couch, and surprisingly, I was extremely comfortable in every one of them. Some of them I knew should have caused me to be uncomfortable, yet I thought I was in ergonomic bliss. I also noticed some numbing effect, at least at skin level. I pinched myself to test this, and I felt nothing.
On one or two occasions, I had to rise to visit the restroom, and on each occasion I had quite a bit of difficulty walking. Indeed, it felt like previous occasions on which I had been quite drunk, only this time I felt complete clarity of thought and though my walk seemed to be somewhat clumsy, I realized my movements were very deliberate, and probably appeared unusually rigid to observers, instead of unusually loose.
This state of having my imagination stimulated by the music continued until approximately 1:30am, when my roommate unexpectedly returned home. He not a fan of listening to Ambient Trance played at high volumes, as was the case in our room at the time of 1:30am. Also, he was not aware of my experiment that night (nor was anyone else), and is completely naive as far as drugs go, so would not have realized what was going on. Thus, when he came in at 1:30 in the morning on friday night and turned on the halogen lamp (which nearly blinded me), I felt obligated to turn down the music and try and act normal. This was a remarkable amount of change that I had to go through, in behavior and such. It took quite a bit of effort. So, the music went down, all the lights were on, and I had to act normal. At least, not under the influence of half a bottle of Robitussin.
I sat at my computer, playing minesweeper non-stop, trying not to make eye contact with him (I had seen my eyes in the mirror in the washroom, and knew there was little color left because my pupils were so dilated), or even speaking to him more than necessary. That same day, I had gotten a bottle of whiskey, and it was in the cabinet next to his desk. I decided to tell him that I was drunk, that I had been taking shots of whiskey. He asked if he could have some for a nightcap, and I urged him to do so. When he took the bottle out of the cabinet, he thought it a bit odd that the bottle was full, and was in fact still sealed, but he didn't think anything of it in his very tired state. As I said, he is very naive, even more naive than I was.
He eventually went to bed, and so I was forced to turn the music off completely. I eventually ended up lying on my bed, bunked above his, tossing and turning all night, still with intense visuals, but somewhat disturbed by the abrupt change in setting that occurred at 1:30am.
The next morning, I discovered I was still feeling the effects of the DXM quite strongly, and I also discovered I had an appointment to make for my job at 11am, which involved letting my superior into the building, and sitting with him, troubleshooting a computer problem, for about an hour. That was quite an exercise in appearing normal, or at least just hungover (from alcohol). I don't know how well I pulled it off, but he didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, even with my pupils still fully dilated, my walk clumsy, and my speech somewhat stuttering. Eventually, that ended, and I was able to return to my room.
This feeling of being strung out last for 3 days. I am sure this was aggravated by the fact that between 9:00pm on friday night, and 9:00pm on the following night, I ate and drank nothing.
As for the effect this experience had on my psyche, it had completely the desired effect, and then some. It reversed my entire philosophy on drugs completely. It surprised my girlfriend so much so that she remained mystified by my change until perhaps 3 weeks ago. Since this experience, I have read voraciously on the topic of psychedelics, most hallucinogens. I have developed a very specific personal regime about what drugs I will allow myself to experiment with, and which ones I won't. I have become much more confident in making decisions concerning personal policy in this area. I never liked the taste of alcohol or alcoholic beverages, but I always thought I'd drink them anyway. Now, I know it's really not worth the trouble, and I have given alcohol up completely. I will not do amphetamines, opiates, or narcotics. I will always be as informed as possible about a drug before I experiment with it. I have read everything by Leary and Huxley that I can get my hands on, as well as numerous articles and books about altered states of consciousness (including The Natural Mind by Andrew Weil), I bought PIHKAL and have been reading it with much enjoyment, and I have talked to many people for hours, whom I had shied away from previously because I knew they used, or approved of the use of, drugs.
After this experience, I find myself changed greatly, moreso than I ever thought possible, and I LOVE IT! I don't think it could have turned out any better. The evening of the experience, just an hour or two into it, I knew it was just what I had been looking for, and the joy I felt in that realization is indescribable. I felt like whooping and throwing up my arms in ecstasy. That probably added quite a bit to my entire DXM experience. I still feel thrills when I think about how it acted as such a catalyst for radical changes in my life. Now I look forward to going home for Thanksgiving, and seeing everyone in a new light. My high school friends may not approve of my new found lifestyle, but I can't be bothered by that sort of disapproval. I am still basically the same person, but I think I am immensely improved, and I would not give this up for anything.
P.S. - two weeks later, I decided to try the DXM experience again, this time drinking the rest of the bottle in one go (4.3 oz), along with grapefruit juice and EZ Cheese. That was incredibly awful. An hour later, I was puking in the bathroom, barely even making it to the bathroom to do that. It was the first time I had vomited since I was two, when I drank liquid candle, perfume, and heart medicine, on 3 separate occasions. Since then, I have sworn to never again take cough syrup, whether for its intended purpose or not, and I will only use pure DXM, if at all.
Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 3870 Gender: Male Age at time of experience: Not Given Published: Dec 26, 2001Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
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