DOSE:
smoked
DMT
(powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT:
145 lb
So much to say. So much to say and yet no words for any of it. I mean what kind of affect could a five minute long experience really have on your life....? Detrimental.
I�ll try to start at the beginning but I�m not entirely sure I know where this whole thing began. I would imagine it starts off like most of these accounts: my me staring nervously at a small amount of off white powder inside a small glass vial standing next to a small crudely made tinfoil pipe sitting on a small wooden nightstand...
I had longed to experience DMT hyperspace since my early teens, but after one botched Mimosa Hostilis extraction that yielded nothing, I doubted the time would ever come. A few years after the initial extraction attempt I decided that I had grown a little older and a little wiser and that perhaps another extraction would be in order. A week or so after acquiring my Mimosa and the other various supplies I needed, the word 'SUCCESS!' shattered the silence in my otherwise quiet residence. I was jubilated to say the least and could hardly wait until my 300+mgs of DMT was fully dry before tasting the precious chemical.
A few days later the time had come.
With no appropriate smoking device available and certainly not going to wait for one to pop up, I quickly fashioned one from Al. foil with a bit of ash from my Newport for a screen. All seemed well. A quick test of a small amount of the material (approx 5 mg) produced VERY pronounced effects. Blown away by such a significant and successful trial run, I assumed that perhaps I was hyper sensitive to this particular compound. 'One more 'low dose' try for this night.' I told himself, as I added perhaps another 15mgs to the pipe, brought pipe to mouth, flicked my lighter, and inhaled deeply...
'OH SWEET GODDESS WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?! THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAAA...(mumbling noises).' I didn�t quite finish the word mistake before the DMT bitch-slapped the ego right the fuck out of me. After a moment (or perhaps it was an eternity, for the distinction between the two was impossible) I had no idea what I had done to himself (thank the Goddess for that, another author nailed it, 'And in un-being I had lost my fear' wish I could remember who said it so I could give them credit.) or how I found himself in my current predicament 'WTF, I know I left my body around here somewhere...'.
Nothing, no wait, colors! Lots of em! Enormous Fractal patterns. 'How did I get like this? Was I always like this? Is this normal existence? No, no, no this isn�t right at all. What happened? I must be dead, nothing else could explain this...'
'Wait a minute, I smoked a very strong psychedelic substance! Yes that�s it! Ooooh look at that I recognize my room again! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!'. The effects fade after two or three minutes and reality is starting to seep back in around the edges. 'JESUS H. CHRIST! � There is no handling this stuff. I wasn�t quite sure where 'The Fear' came from, but I�m sure the crazy fast onset didn�t help. No sir, not one bit.
After five minutes or so I literally had tears streaming down my face from both relief and the awesome power of this chemical. An odd side note: I started getting very bad tremors a few minutes after the peak was over, and that these tremors escalated to the point of near convulsions, yet they passed within a few minutes. I�m not all sure what that was about but I seemed fine after they passed.
'God-damn, if 15mgs could do that imagine what the full 50mgs would be like...I can honestly say I`m not sure If I�ll ever be in the mood to do this again. Maybe I should just put it in the stash box and wait to see if it ever calls me again.'
Sure enough a few short weeks later I wake up at the un-godly hour of 5:00am for unknown reasons. RING RING. RING RING. 'Hello? Who�s there?...Oh it�s you mister N,N. What�s that you say? You want to hang out again? I dunno...you really got to promise to play nicer this time. Yeah well we�ll see....' To this day I swear I had no idea what prompted me to pull out that pipe and vial or why I woke up at such a strange hour, and I am quite the sleeper.
After some debating I load up an unknown but large amount of DMT into the pipe. I sit breathing deeply trying to calm my racing heart. I stare melanchololy (is this a word?) at the pipe. My palms are drenched with sweat. My breathing comes in strained, ragged pulls. I hears the call loudly now. The promise of the profound whispers to me. I bring the pipe to my lips, holds a flame a bit away from the material, and draw in deep. I decide one huge hit will do it. I hold the harsh synthetic tasting smoke in my lungs for what feels like an eternity before exhaling. I wait....
Nothing. Nothing? Yes nothing. Five seconds after I exhaled still nothing. 'Why isn�t it working?'. The anticipation is unbearable. Cause without consequence. 'Perhaps slightly off kilter' I think 'One more hit I guess...'. I reach for the pipe but wait something�s happening. 'I think its hitting meeeeeeeeee.'. At that moment the sound of my inner monologue became hideously twisted into a high pitched squealing sound getting louder and louder, always rising in pitch.
'Carrier waves are really something to behold.' I thought to himself afterwards, not many other psychedelics that I had tasted had any auditory aspect....but this one sure did.
Pings, pops, sproings, and groans fill my head. I attempt to wonder why I did this to himself again, but that concept is soon lost in a swirling roiling haze of twisted awareness and perception of the nothing filled with fractals that surrounds
me. On some level I am dimly aware of the place I reached on my last visit as it soon flies by me in a seething, sickening wave of geometry. I resist. Swimming up Niagara Falls with arms and legs tied would be easier. I know I need to relax and not fight it but I can�t and am swept in a torrent of violent light and color.
A female voice screams at me 'Relax.'. 'I can't' I reply. 'Yes you can, you've done this before. Remember? Everything will be okay, I promise.' the voice beckons. The voice is so beautiful, so inhuman, I can�t help but trust it. I listen, I obey. Let go and hold on! Resistance is futile anyway, I am sucked deeper and deeper into this whimsical, mystical, magical abyss. I�m not sure if the voice was actually an auditory hallucination or more my own instincts.
'The colors duke, the COLORS!!!' Visuals isn�t the word. Designs and geometry everywhere. Impossible designs! Such patterns are FAR to complex to exist! Complexity that is so great that if one were to ever gaze upon such a thing while not under the influence they would surely go completely insane. Damn things won�t sit still long enough for me to figure out what they represent, I mean come on, such things would never exist without purpose, I mean nobody would ever go through the trouble of making them if they didn�t have some function.
They are...the word is 'machine like'. The whole thing bodes of high alien technology. How else could it be explained? But wait they aren�t just machines, they are....organic? No they are sentient! In some far fucked up way they are alive! How can such a hugely complex, impossible, gigantic thing be self aware? I don�t know, yet they most certainly are. Maybe I�m just imagining things. I don�t stick around long, I continue my downward/sideways/diagonal spiral into madness....
More fractal machine entities. They are getting bigger, more complex, they join with one another, they break apart, they dance, they sing. THEY SING! Their songs are so far beyond beautiful, sung with such amazing grace and practiced ease. The beauty of it is unbearable. The sound creates more of the crystalline fractal creatures, which in turn start singing in unison with the others. I can�t stand this much beauty. I can�t fucking take it! The sound flows right through me as certain notes and pitches resonate through the entire fiber of my being. Heaven.
'You've done this before. Remember?' echoes in my head. Yes I have done this before. I`ve been here before! I have come home. An overwhelming sensation of Deja-Vu overcomes me. In this moment everything that happened before this doesn�t matter. I don�t care how I got here, just that I am. Nothing matters anymore. Joy completely overcomes me, and I allow it to, no longer fighting, just thanking whoever or whatever put me here, in this moment with these creatures. Love is the message the tune carries. They are what inspires all love to be. These crystal/gel creations are love�s cause/muse. This is the Goddess or God or Buddha or Allah, whatever you call it. The song remains the same, the message unflinching...love, unity, peace, harmony. Corny but no other explanation will suffice...hell this one doesn�t even begin to do it justice. I stay here with these entities for several thousand eternities, dancing, singing, being. Bliss.
The song starts to fade...I�m falling awake. Shit. The compound wears off. I�m suddenly and violently pulled backwards through their world, a world where humans can�t exist for too long. I�m already seen far too much, been there far too long. The room swims in my vision, which is still totally fucked and useless. Objects start to become recognizable again. Bed, TV, chair, computer, lamp, etc. Slowly but surely, one by one they all come into focus.
Amazement beyond words. I am totally completely stunned and speechless. Words flow forth from my mouth but they don�t even begin to scratch the surface of what I just experienced, yet I feels compelled to try, feels compelled to explain out loud what just happened even though I am alone.' HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ON LIVING AFTER THAT? Am I really just expected to carry on with my life as usual after this. Impossible!' I say out loud. The tremors come and go, worse this time but I am okay. I stare at the wall, tears streaming down my face, screaming the words 'THANK YOU!' over and over again to who I�m sure but it seems the least I can do after receiving such an amazing gift of eternity.
I fell asleep shortly afterwards, had incredibly vivid dreams, and woke up feeling great. New lease on life one might say. I feel an awe and reverence to this day...the song is still heard to some extent and I doubt it will ever leave me entirely. I will never forget...
I hope I did my experience some kind of justice but for anyone who hasn�t experienced this amazing compound I doubt this will do any good. I pride myself on being somewhat well-read (Don�t be fooled by the puncuation and spelling :)) but words just seem hopelessly inadequate. I'm not sure what more needs to be said, or could be said for that matter, so we'll leave it at that. Wish I had some cool final sumation, some final bit of wisdom that ties this all together nicely but alas, I don�t. Words just aren�t enough.
Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 76492 Gender: Male Age at time of experience: Not Given Published: Dec 30, 2009Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
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