Time Travel

DOSE: T+ 0:00
oral Vitamins / Supplements
T+ 0:00 160 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals) T+ 0:00 100 mg oral Pharms - Sildenafil
T+ 0:45 40 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals) T+ 2:45 80 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals) T+ 5:00 20 mg oral 2C-B (capsule)

       BODY WEIGHT:
   165 lb
     

I am a 29 year old yuppie. I recently came into some 84% Molly and what were sold as 2C-B capsules, which I took last night.

I am a drug dilettante. Before last night, I had only experienced alcohol, cannabis, cocaine and MDMA. I had never experienced any true psychedelics/hallucinogens. I experience mild sepia/orange tracers on MDMA when the lights are on, but do not consider MDMA to be a true psychedelic, especially after last night. I have taken MDMA 10 times in my life. The first time was my only experience with candies - every other time, I has taken reliably pure MDMA. I has incrementally increased the MDMA dosage with each experience as I becomes more comfortable with the way my body reacts to it.

I wanted to try 2C-B because I had read that it pairs well with MDMA, especially when taken towards the beginning of the come down/let down. I had also read that 2C-B, much like MDMA, can be an erotic, empathogenic aphrodisiac, which was relevant to my porn-based setting last night.

I took the drugs by myself - I had time off work and my wife (who generally disapproves of all drugs, including weed) was out of town. It was my plan to listen to music, roll and enjoy the feeling of my carpet, and then whenever I felt ready or able - masturbate. To this end, I took generic sildenafil (Viagra) at about the same time as the first dose of Molly, hoping to achieve orgasm during or soon after the Molly's peak.

T(-4:00) I took all the usual precautions - 5-htp, magnesium, amino acids, vitamin C, Pepto Bismol and grape seed extract. Then I began taping black trash bags over my windows, hoping to use my new strobe light without bothering my neighbors, and hoping to make it seem later than it was (this was at noon, and the sun wouldn't be setting for another 7 or 8 hours). I set up my laptop on the coffee table in front of my TV, and started a playlist of porn videos, then played photo slideshows of naked/topless women on my television and on an IPad, which I had suspended above my laptop screen with a microphone stand. (Weirdly, these details are actually important).

T(0) At 4pm, I took 160mg Molly powder orally, and one 100mg Viagra tablet.

T(+0:45) Worried that I might have finally developed a tolerance to MDMA, I, like an idiot, took another 40mg.

T(+1:00) The roll hit in full force, and I was spontaneously and compulsively dancing before I had even put the music on.

T(+2:45) I re-dosed with another 80mg.

T(+5:00) my roll was business as usual - extremely enjoyable, but predictably, I was unable to orgasm during the peak, even with Viagra. As I felt the peak subsiding, I took one capsule that was alleged to contain 20mg 2C-B.

T(+5:30) I was still rubbing my bare feet on the carpet and trying to masturbate, having practically forgotten that I had taken the 2-CB, when suddenly, the face of one of the girls in the photo slideshow turned greenish, and drooped for a moment like a Dali painting. I was not happy about this. Even though the hallucination only lasted for a moment, it was startling and disturbing. I thought to myself, 'if the entire experience is going to be like this, there's no way I'll be able to masturbate. There is nothing sexy about melting green demon faces.'

T(+6) Fortunately, the hallucinations took on a much more pleasant, and non-threatening form soon thereafter. The pictures came alive, and moved, almost as if with the music. Colors occasionally went alien green like the first time, but I quickly recognized that this was only when photos contained a garment or background that was green.

I can obviously trick my brain into thinking porn videos and images are really happening to me, otherwise I would never use them to masturbate in the first place. But this was different - the images and video WERE real, and present in the room. With the lights out and the strobe light on, the women in the photos turned to face me. And whenever I wasn't looking at a photo or video, the computer and IPad shook, as if someone in a black body suit was standing behind them, waving them in my face.

The porn was being 'served' to me. Everything was 'for my benefit.' This was a mantra that I kept reciting to myself whenever anything became alarming, 'relax, even if there is an invisible stranger dancing two feet in front of you, wearing your IPad like a sandwich board, she means no harm - in fact, all the ghosts lifting your chairs, tv and ipad are here for your benefit.

I - probably already in a sexy mindset from the MDMA - instantly recognized the erotic potential of these hallucinations. I was not worshipping airbrushed idols. For the first time, they were worshipping me. The single sexiest hallucination - which recurred with almost every other photo - was that the women were BLUSHING. They were flustered and turned on by the sight of me. It was intensely gratifying, and a huge turn on. Strangely, the best and sexiest hallucinations all surrounded the photos, and not the video. The video was only rarely distorted. Weirdly, while the photos were coming alive, the video felt flat and one dimensional, almost as if the two had swapped roles.

T(+6:15) I realized that I had still not called my wife since around two that day, and that she would probably be calling soon to check in. My extreme lack of short term memory and concentration from the 2C-B made me certain that the conversation would go poorly. It would be extremely obvious that something was wrong. So I turned off my phone, hoping that she would believe it had run out of batteries, and set an alarm for 1:00 A.M. to be certain I called my wife after the trip had subsided.

T(+6:30) Time travel. THIS was BY FAR the most interesting hallucination of the entire night. I had not previously experienced any audio hallucinations the entire night. It probably would have been difficult to discern anything over the blaring music anyway. But then, suddenly, out of nowhere, the music slowed down. I was listening to Deadmau5's Random Album Title on repeat, as I usually does while rolling. I knows the album inside out, and in particular, knows that it keeps the same bpm (128) throughout the entire album. On two separate occasions, the music slowed down in the middle of the song! Picture a DJ using his fingers to slow down a spinning record. The audio gets distinctly deeper, voices take on a slo-mo distortion. This is exactly what happened - to life!

I initially dismissed this as an audio distortion, but later in the night, I began to really consider what had just happened. I knows that if a white piece of paper suddenly turns red during a hallucination, it is only my subjective perception of the paper that has changed. The paper is objectively white. And when the hallucination is over, the paper will be white again, usually in a matter of seconds. The enduring, real paper that exists in the shared concrete world is white.

Even if humans had never developed sight, the paper would be white. I can perceive the world differently from another person, and in that sense, there are three worlds - the world inside my head, the world inside that second person's head, and the real world. Maybe if I could get into another person's head, I would realize that what that person calls 'white' is actually 'blue' to my eyes. But they can each recognize it as a distinct color, and the same color - 'white' - every time, despite this difference in perception. This is because the whiteness of the paper is a FACT, and does not change just because they both see different versions of white.

Now consider time. I can perceive that time is passing slowly or quickly. Staring at a clock, I might think that time was passing slowly, but this does not CHANGE the speed of time, any more than my idea of 'white' can change a piece of paper. Time advances at the same rate (or so I thought). If person A is driving a car at 60 mph and person B is driving a car at 60 mph on the same course, they will cross the finish line at the same time. Even if person A thinks the race is boring, and the time seems to pass slowly for me - that does not make him FASTER.

When I experienced these audio or 'time' hallucinations, I could literally DO MORE in the seconds that elapsed. There was MORE TIME. I knows this, not merely because the music went into slow-motion, but because I was stroking to the beat. Keeping the same stroking tempo, I was achieving more strokes than I had been ten seconds ago IN BETWEEN the beats of the song. The best analogy I could come up with is this - imagine you're hallucinating and you get the sensation that you're levitating or flying. How surprised would you be if you ACTUALLY BUMPED YOUR HEAD ON THE CEILING?

You can make of it what you will, but I am starting to believe that time, unlike the whiteness of a sheet of paper, can be altered by the human mind. And maybe this is the real basis of heaven - or hell. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying. And neurons continue to fire after humans are outwardly dead. Maybe we remove ourselves from the stream of time - get in one last neuron fire that sums up our lives, and live perpetually in that flashback. If your life was full of good deeds and happiness, you could see how that eternal flashback might be extremely pleasant. On the other hand, if your life is full of regret and selfishness, that flashback might be hellish.

T(+7:00) I finally reached orgasm. Perhaps it was the lack of short term memory, but the orgasm lasted an extremely long time. I could not feel my hand, just a vague wetness - which made the sensation that the girls were real and in the room all the more real. I showered, and was still having an extremely hard time holding a thought in my head for more than two seconds. I had to recite each new task to myself so I wouldn't get lost in another. 'Go downstairs, turn off the music. Go downstairs, turn off the music.' I knew that I was still completely incapable of carrying on a conversation with my wife, but this began to worry me. I had read that the duration of the trip might be as short as 4 hours, but might be as long as 8. If it was going to be 8 hours before I could even talk, I might have to keep my phone off all night. I knew that this would worry my wife, and that the fallout from not telling my wife good night would be so much worse than the fallout from talking to her funny. She might just assume I was drunk. So I turned my phone back on and called my wife, with the room still shaking. I did not lie - I told her that I was tired, and wasn't feeling well, and that I was just planning on going to bed early. She told me that was fine, and we told each other good night.

I loved my wife intensely in that moment. I realized that my wife was not my enemy, but my best friend, and that even if I chose to lie, to take drugs she didn't approve of, or to lust at other women in porn videos when she was away, none of these things was nearly as bad as closing her out. Lying to my wife is not something I am proud of, or happy about, but turning my phone off and cutting off communication to cover the lie is the worst thing I could do in that situation. Even though I am a selfish liar, my wife loves me and just wants to talk to me and be with me. I suspects that even if I am ever caught in a lie of this magnitude, she will still love me and want to be with me. I feel blessed. I went to sleep and slept deeply.

T(+16:00) I woke up at 8:00 A.M. with a slight headache from the viagra (which is par for the course), and a little fatigue, but generally not much worse for the wear, which was an enormous relief, considering there were moments during the night when I wondered if I had just given myself Alzheimers. I rubbed my feet on the carpet while writing this, in a nice warm afterglow.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 97467 Gender: Male Age at time of experience: 29 Published: Oct 22, 2020Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]

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