Started self-medicating with Xanax about 16 months ago. Coming from the UK, I had no real knowledge of the drug besides the stereotypes. Bought 100 bars cheaply and thought worst case I could resell them.
After a few days of experimentation, I found the anti-anxiety relief I had been craving. I could finally leave the house for more than 15 minutes. Within two months I was comfortable at 4-6 bars a day, sometimes more. That is a 12mg daily alprazolam habit.
Every morning I physically and mentally craved bars the moment I woke up. My previous drug abuse with ecstasy (3-7 pills a day, 3-4 times a week), plus crystal MD, cocaine, ketamine, and heavy alcohol had likely destroyed my baseline anxiety regulation. The Xanax felt like a cure but was just a temporary fix that became an even worse problem.
Getting off has been the hardest thing I have ever done. The withdrawal is genuinely terrifying. I am working with a doctor now to taper properly, switching to a longer-acting benzodiazepine. If anyone is heading down this path, please understand that the deeper you go, the harder it is to come back. The drug borrows happiness from your future and charges interest.