I had laparoscopic hiatal hernia surgery to pull almost three quarters of my stomach out of my chest. As someone with over five years clean from opioid addiction, this was terrifying. My drug of choice had been pharmaceutical oxycodone, and I had loved it from the very first pill back in 2005.
I allowed one shot of morphine following the surgery mainly because I was still half asleep from anesthesia. Then when they gave me ten oxycodone tablets, I took them home and used them as prescribed. Literally for the first time ever in my life.
I cannot overstate what a milestone this was. For years, the idea of having oxycodone in my possession and not abusing it would have been laughable. But five years of recovery work, therapy, and building a life worth protecting gave me the foundation to handle it.
My strategy was simple. I told my wife about every dose I took. I kept the pills in her possession and asked for them only when the pain was genuinely bad. I set timers so I would not take them a minute earlier than prescribed. And most importantly, I had already arranged with my surgeon to not get refills.
The pain was managed. The pills ran out on schedule. And I did not spiral. I am genuinely proud of myself. This experience showed me that recovery is not about never encountering substances again. It is about having built enough structure and self-awareness to navigate those encounters safely.