I had been preparing for this experience for months — reading reports, meditating daily, and making peace with the idea of ego death. My sitter was experienced and we had discussed the plan thoroughly.
I measured 5mg of 5-MeO-DMT freebase onto my ceramic vaporizer and took a single, slow, deep inhalation. Within seconds the room began to dissolve. Not visually distort or warp — dissolve. The walls, the floor, my body, my sense of self all simply ceased to be relevant categories of experience.
What replaced them was an all-encompassing white light that was not light in any visual sense but rather a total saturation of awareness. I was not observing this — I WAS this. There was no observer. There was no experience being had by someone. There was just this infinite, boundless, vibrating field of pure existence.
My sitter later told me I made deep guttural vocalizations and my body moved involuntarily for about 10 minutes. I have no memory of having a body during this time. The concept of time itself was meaningless — it felt simultaneously instantaneous and eternal.
Coming back was like remembering that I was a person. First came bodily sensations, then spatial awareness, then the slow reconstruction of identity. I wept with gratitude and awe for about twenty minutes. The insight that settled in was simple: everything is already perfect, and trying to control it is the source of suffering.
This was without question the most profound experience of my life. I cannot compare it to any other psychedelic. It is in its own category entirely.