Piss lips. What? What? Whut. Wuh. Wuhwuhwuhwuh.... Fuck, what was I just thinking about? It felt so profound... Puh ruh foe ooundeeeeeeyuhhhhhhh... Fuck. What?
The purpose of this post is primarily to dispense hopefully somewhat more obsure information into the DPH junkie's considerable zeitgeist, and secondarily, in the interest of personal catharsis.
I have never written of my experiences anywhere before, save a few recent and since deliriously deleted live reports in this sub.
When I (21 f) was fourteen, I and a friend, on a dankrupt day, found out (from bluelight) that you could trip on high doses of dph. Prior to this, i had smoked pot about a year, and had drank a few times. He (m 21, then 14) had taken 'sass' once, and smoked pot about a year.
Somehow we decided on 2500mg for me and 1250mg for him.. (using 50mg script pills left over from my brothers time in hospital with a staph infection), 'trip-proofed' (ha!) the room, put on the mars volta, and eagerly downed a life threatening dose of DPH!
It came on slow, and we layed side by side in my bed waiting patiently for effects.
0:45- A marked deep feeling of weirdness had already well soaked into the whole house, and I noticed the shadow of my blinds as clear as day begin behaving like an EQ visualizer to the music. I asked Silas if he saw it too and he said yes. However we had no suspicion at all it wasnt really happening.
1:00- A rapper began masterfully, mindblowingly rapping in clear english over every instrumental section, but without any syntax. (Ex: "alligator gay tornado oh way tomato etc."). I knew this wasn't right as I loved TMV, but when I went to express this, I could barely muster a low croaking noise. This alarmed me, and I nudged my friend. When he opened his eyes, they were full of that chemical schizophrenic look of pure fear that our parents and horrified witnesses all know so well.
He slurred some similarly syntax-less words, rolled his eyes back, and resumed closed eye twitching and wordless whining, which i now realised had been going on for some time. I thought nothing of it and listened to imaginary technical hardcore mexican rap metal.
2:00?- After this, time ceased to have any relevance to our situation. The fully 3D opaque flesh ghost people paraded in and out for probably hours.
At this point, we were both mute, intermittently seizing, dehydrated to the point my eyes were rubbed raw by moving them, and lapsing in and out of the ability to understand we needed help. After a couple hours of responding "what?" to thin air and frantically thinking at one another, sure we were talking, in total silence, we finally got a grip enough to, in perfect unison, to roll onto our faces and knees, butts in the air, and lay like this silently, alternating between seizures and total paralysis until we blacked out.
We woke up the next evening, still unable to stand or speak. He texted his father to pick him up and i went into the kitchen to smoke imaginary cigarettes and make invisible waffles and an entire plate of syrup.
We survived, avoided the ER, and he never touched it again. That night my boyfriend came over and found me unconscious naked in the bathroom. He held my head up, I came to, and with foam in my mouth and shaking and groaning, began trying to seduce him. He carried me to bed past my family in a towel and patiently tried to ascertain what the fuck was happening from my delusional nonsense. I told him wed done all sorts of drugs, most of which don't exist.
He took me for a walk and i moved in slow motion, often stopping to stare into space. We ran into two of his friends who instantly saw what a state I was in (i thought id been playing it totally cool. I felt myself a charismatic master word smitch, eagerly croaking quiet panicked nonsense to anyone i saw.
That I survived was itself a miracle, and I can only attribute managing to wander around the next night without police incedent to whatever patron saint keeps safe the junkies, bartards and winos who make a poor decision to wander their communities in such a state.
After this I used DPH 100's more times. (highest dose being the majority of a strewn about bottle of 1000 25mg pink B pills. This first trip was the -most enjoyable- trip I've ever had. I used it to escape a lot, attempt suicide a couple times, ive taken road trips on it, gone to work, had sex, made important calls, taken tests, attended family holidays, wandered around blacked out half naked lost and cold all night, and lately have been using it in witchcraft and rituals. Ive tripped with a handful of other people, none of whom like me much now. I for a long time considered myself the shaman of delerium.
I dont use anymore, tho do still binge 1-3 times a year. For seven years i used sometimes daily for months, at doses well above any trip report currently availible.
I feel tempted to say that I dont know why, but I do. Its simply that English can't go to the places I've been/lived.
I can flashback for about one hour at will, into what exactly feels like an 800mg dose, even after months of sobriety. I have awful tremors late at night or when i read reports. The brain zaps are every day life, and even just xmas lights in a dark room cause horrid, explodey, high pressure migraines. (permanent extreme light sensitivity. If i walk during the day i have to wear sunglasses and keep my eyes closed whenever possible. Constant throbbing at the base of my skull.
I also read books only ever in one sitting, listen to hours long lectures in days long marathons and sleep three nights on, four nights off. I play the guitar and practice in 8 hour stretches, have played fingers down to requiring an ER visit many times. I cannot socialize with strangers. Not anxious to, can not.
In school i tested with an IQ of 149, and while i have difficulty with mundane simple tasks, my long term memory and ability to comprehend intricate ideas feels unaffected. My conversational memory is useless and my muscles are weak to the point i cant turn on lamps with twist/click switches or open 2 liters or wine bottles.
I faint if i walk into a bright room with my eyes open, my near sight is almost blind, and far sight is unaffected. Everything I drink i pee out within minutes (no issue w bladder control, while sleeping for example.)
I've completely trashed my liver and kidneys, though i also have chronic Lyme disease treated with heavy antibiotics that I take 1 month a year because i cant stand the nausea or permanent state of brown-out any longer.
I see the translucent 4D strings and orbs in my periphery at all times.
Reality is a fucking joke, and a flimsy one at that.