DOSE:
smoked
PCP
(powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT:
120 lb
In the summer of 2004 my perception of the world changed dramatically. As a girl who had never so much as thought about the possibilties of mind-altering substances and even if I had I would never had fully comprehended the effects, I naively allowed my friend at the time, a boy called Alex whom I knew to be quite an enthusiast when it came to chemicals, to offer me a small silver pipe filled with small little crystals.
I remember thinking how much they looked like salt rocks but ground down and more shimmery. Curiosity killed the cat and when offered the chance to sample these delights I accepted not even bothering to ask what I was about to inhale because the thought of something mind-altering had never once seemed to occur to me, nor had I even the slightest apprehension for what was about to happen.
I lit the rocks and as I was doing so heard Alex tell me to inhale as much as I could so that I was red in the face and my lungs gave way. After about 5 tokes from the pipe and each time inhaling as much as my lungs would allow, I decided that was enough and went to sit down in the local pub just next to us. Upon entering the pub I felt nothing and was about to tell Alex what a waste of time it was when my head started to feel extremly light and fuzzy as if I were about to lose consciousness.
I sat down at the table, collapsed and looked at some of my friends before giggling and uttering, 'god, im feeling really drunk'. All of a sudden I sat bolt upright as if I had just had an electrical shock and realising that I had not drank any alcohol, started to panick. The room around me was seeming to close in on me in a threatening way, my hands trembled and my face felt hot. All of my friends at the table were now complete strangers to me and even those who were laughing and joking in my mind were menacing and hostile. The room seemed to take on a dark atmosphere and in front of my eyes were buzzing dots and lines like that of television static.
I shouted at Alex to help me as I felt he was the only one who could save me from this nightmare. To me, he was like God, the giver and the taker. People's faces in the pub room were looming close to mine, invading my personal space. I saw the most trivial things in a much more prominent light. My friend Lara's foundation stood out clearly from her face, I could see the exact smudges and finger prints where she had put it on, things that I wouldn't have noticed in the slightest before. Peoples facial expressions were exaggerated in grimaces or twisted smiles and their laughter seemed to fill my head. I could see people talking yet their mouths were moving quickly and their speech was slow.
I went to the bar staff cautiously and asked for some water. All the while I was convinced that everyone was watching my every move. I drank the water carefully and ran outside of the pub taking the pint glass of water with me. The cold air was a sharp contrast to the buzzing heat energy that I felt perspiring from my head. My nose and forhead felt numb. I was convinced that I was dreaming and that any second I would wake up in my own bed where I could laugh it off. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry either. The world around me seemed so desolate and barren yet so small that I thought I would suffocate. The familiar surroundings that I was so used to before were alien and I couldn't feel part of it. It was like me against the world. The sky was so empty and the stars were so distant that all I felt was paraniod fear. The ground felt like it was tilting at about 45 degrees and every time I walked I felt as though I were walking on a conveyer belt going the opposite way.
I was so worried that I decided to call my parents to get me home safely as I was scared that even if I stepped foot on a bus, the world would some how get the better of me and I would not make it back. I phoned up my dad and my fingers felt sluggish trying to dial up the number, it seemed to take hours. The dial tone was harsh and shrill in my ears and ran through my head like a blade. When my dad finally did answer and I blurted out what had happened, the man on the other end did not sound like my dad at all. He said my name so I guessed it was him but his voice was slurred and I couldn't make out some of the words he was saying. This freaked me out to the extent that I ended up throwing my phone onto the floor as to be as far away from it as I could. The phone started to ring almost straight after and I grabbed it then as I tried to think rationally and answered it. My dad asked me what the problem was and I tried to make out the words to use but scrambled my words and the lack of communication was evident.
All that kept entering my mind was what kind of god had deserted me like this? I had a deep sense of sadness within me and all the religions I could think of were flashing through my mind in colours and vivid patterns. I had a vision of god being in the stars way out in the distance punishing me for being naive. I found this odd as I was not religious. I kept hearing my dads voice on the other end of the phone distantley saying 'no I didnt' over and over. I managed with strength to heave out the words I was looking for and told him to pick me up in the center of town almost immediatley. My head felt numb and fuzzy still and I wondered if I was ever going to get back to reality again. I didn't want to be in a world so vague and vacant anymore.
I was relieved when my parents came to pick me up. The effect seemed to be wearing off gradually as I entered the car and I felt strangley secure and homely. As I managed to get home, I felt the battle had been won and the darkness lifted to make way for light, being around those I cared for the most had somehow helped me pull out of the darkness, like God or some spiritual entity had forgiven me and I could be at peace. Then I drifted to sleep safe in the knowledge that I was where I belong.
I wouldn't take this again, although the end feeling of peace and contentment was a blessing compared to the rest of it. I have learnt not to take things without knowing what it is and to be closer to the beauty of nature and thankful for life.
Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 45154 Gender: Female Age at time of experience: Not Given Published: Nov 12, 2007Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
PCP (113) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2) -->