Unexpected Ego Death

DOSE: T+ 0:00
oral Cacao (edible / food) T+ 0:00
vaporized Cannabis
T+ 5:00 1 shot oral Alcohol - Hard
T+ 6:00 0.2 g vaporized Cannabis
T+ 6:00 1.5 - 2.0 shots oral Alcohol - Hard

       BODY WEIGHT:
   155 lb
     

Last night, I had quite an unusual experience: I had a trip, including what I believe was partial ego death, brought on by a moderate amount of alcohol, cannabis, and inability to sleep. But the trip only occurred when I closed my eyes, and I was able to effectively stop the trip at any time by opening my eyes.

For background: the first time I tried LSD was in my senior year of high school. I experimented with LSD for about a year after that, trying it around 5 times with up to 2.5 tabs. At the end of this year, I had a bad trip on 2.5 tabs, which turned my off from psychedelics completely. I was fairly confident that the reason for the bad trip was improper set and setting, but from the intensity of the experience I had no desire to use psychedelics even with better planning in the future.

Fast forward six years: for various reasons, I�m now interested in experimenting with psychedelics again, with my main goals being to improve my emotional health, interpersonal skills, and mindfulness. I got some mushrooms and have been using them in small doses (from microdoses to 1g) for the past month to gradually become used to more intense trips.

I�m now going to describe the events leading up to this trip; given how strange the circumstances of this trip were, I think these details are important to mention. For the entire week, I had been working long hours on a project for work, and my sleep schedule had gotten pushed back a bit from staying up late to work. I was getting 6-7 hours of sleep per night, which compared to my usual 8-9 left me feeling exhausted every day when I came home from work. On Friday, the night of the trip, my exhaustion led me to fall asleep from around 7-8pm.

Another important detail is that I was particularly sensitive to caffeine as I had quit caffeine about a week ago (I was taking 50mg/day before that). My roommate had left out some cacao chips from some brownies he had baked the previous night, and without thinking about it, I ate around 10 while I was in the kitchen microwaving some food to eat after the nap.

Around 10pm, I vaped a small amount of cherry diesel, a stimulating strain of cannabis, mixed with an indica strain of hemp known as special sauce. During this high, I had a number of significant thoughts, including a realization relating to my career goals which I had been thinking about for years. I mention this for completeness but don�t think it was related to the events that followed.

Later that night, I got in bed around 1am, but as I soon realized, the combination of the nap, my caffeine sensitivity, and the cacao chips had completely throttled my ability to sleep, even though I felt completely out of it. I laid there for a while and read a few articles on my phone to pass the time, getting up to use the bathroom every so often. At some point, which I think was around 3am, I went downstairs to have some alcohol � roughly 1 shot of spiced rum � which I thought might help based on past experience.

I felt quite buzzed (I am very sensitive to both alcohol and cannabis), but was still unable to sleep. At 4am � the latest I had been up in around two years � my frustration grew and I decided to up the ante. I took some purple punch cannabis, a strain known for inducing sleep and euphoria, and vaped around 0.2g, which I knew would get me quite baked. I then went drank more spiced rum � around 1.5-2 shots� worth, although I didn�t measure it.

Very shortly after I laid down again, I noticed very powerful euphoria in my entire body. I remember in particular an ASMR-type sensation in my forehead, which I often get while meditating, and very deep relaxation in my legs. Shortly after this, I also felt an orgasmic sensation in my stomach, a feeling I occasionally feel after taking cannabis but am not sure how to trigger.

At this point, I started feeling a sensation which is difficult to describe, but to do my best, it felt as if my mental field of view (with my eyes closed) was spinning. As soon as I felt this, I realized that I was beginning to have a psychedelic experience. When I was experimenting with psychedelics 6 years ago, I had noticed that cannabis sometimes brought very mild trips, but this had stopped happening to me long ago. So while I was surprised to find myself tripping, I didn�t get scared or anxious. I shifted my goal from falling asleep to engaging in the trip. I didn�t get scared or anxious. I shifted my goal from falling asleep to engaging in the trip.