DOSE: T+ 0:00 12 mg IM 4-AcO-DMT (liquid) T+ 1:00 120 mg IM Ketamine (liquid)
BODY WEIGHT:
150 lb
September 4th, 2010
12mg of 4-acetoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine (psilacetin) via IM injection
Introduction:
Life is strange and different for me these days. I have been in a serious relationship of one form or another since I was 17, and living with a woman since I was 19. Except for a couple off year breaks in 2000-01 and 2003...this is the first time in seven years that I am alone. And let�s just say that living alone, and being happy about it, is a big challenge for me to say the least! My natural inclination is to go towards being extremely bored, depressed, and somewhat self-destructive.
To avoid going back to old bad habits that I never wish to visit again, I compensate by doing other things. I take a three-mile long walks nearly every night, I�ve started my exercise regimen again. I am taking it slow but I already feel the effects and clearly look more toned than before. I certainly get many compliments that stomach and other areas are looking good! I�ve started using the �E-Cigarette� and have reduced my smoking down to three or four cigarettes a day, instead of the usual chain smoking. This really has made me pleased. Other things I do to keep busy are to work compulsively on around-the-house chores. I tend the fish tanks, clean cabinets, the dresser, and closets�in short I do anything I can to keep busy. The house has never looked better! But all of this is just a diversion. I miss her.
I do meet new people so I am not always alone every night. Most of these encounters do not involve physical contact, but some nights have and they were wonderful, new experiences that I needed. So it is good to know that life goes on, even if I wish I were on a different path.
Prologue:
I had a three-day weekend for Labor Day and I decided I needed to trip again, and was determined to take it a bit more seriously than with the mescaline I had a week before. I selected psilacetin for my vehicle and there were no other drugs mixed in until well after the peak�beyond maybe a hit of pot here and there. I was expecting company in the afternoon of the next day, and had a ton of chores to do before I could begin. Already being late in the day, the time factor influenced me to make a sterile solution of the psilacetin for intramuscular injection. I knew this would cut down the length down of the trip by at least half. I spent a little time looking for reports and dosage recommendations, but I just could not find what I was looking for.
Instead, I asked a few on-line fellow psychonauts I speak with, and they said I should try 2/3rd of the normal oral dosage. That seemed to make sense so I just had to figure out what a normal oral dosage was! I had taken psilacetin twice before�once with MDMA and once without anything else. So I really am not an expert on this particular tryptamine. And naturally, I did not remember the dosages for either of those prior excursions. But looking at the data for the parent drug psilocin, I figured somewhere between 10 and 15mg. So I asked my Magic Simpsons Ball what to do�and it said to try 12mg. It seemed reasonable at the time.
The Experience:
I picked up my room, made the bed, put all of my supplies around my bed (water, pot, fruit, nitrous oxide, and a syringe of ketamine for after the peak.) I burned some sage and walked around the house putting out good vibes and I asked for any lessons that I needed to to be shown to me. I then lay down on my bed and at 3:27AM injected the solution into my left thigh, put on my headphones with the soundtrack to �Conan the Barbarian� (music from the scene where James Earl Jones turns into the snake, they have the orgy and eat the soup with bodyparts, then Conan and Co Kills 'em all but the snake escaped), and waited.
Within two minutes the effect of the drug began and I was tripping like that. With eyes closed, the music began to form visions which would then take on a life of their own, morphing into new objects right before my eyes. I listened to the entire song from the Conan soundtrack (about nine minutes long) and then selected Hendrix�s 'Axis: Bold As Love' for the next soundtrack to my trip. Just as I was putting on my headphones, I noted that I was not alone. All of the surrounding objects in my room were actually an illusion. They were hiding what really was there all along�what many would call �DMT entities.�
By ten-minutes in there was so much motion in the room, I feared it would all shake apart. And I kept seeing �people� (or entities) looking down at me, or walking past the bed. All throughout the experience in fact, there was a never ending array of beings moving in and out of the space I was in�as though I were in a hallway where beings past from one place to another.
At times there was �The Fear� and a couple times I would turn on the lights. This made the space I was in transform back into my room. The entities were gone, but I had all of the �classic� psychedelic effects you would expect...trails, breathing, intense colors, etc. Boring! I would turn the light off and the entities would reappear on schedule.
With the lights off, I became lost in the music. It was as if I were not hearing it anymore. Rather each song became a different room, a different experience I traveled to. Each space was filled with different entities that surrounded me and tended to me. The entities were nurses and specialists working on my soul. Was I was in some kind spiritual hospital being repaired? I could feel them working on my brain telepathically, removing things that needed to be removed, and repairing bad parts that served no positive purpose, replacing those by putting in new, healthy parts.
As the last song on Axis played, I felt myself coming down a bit. I looked at the clock�4:50AM. The entities were still present, but seemed to be packing up. It felt like we were just strangers passing in the subway station. They were there and I was here and we did not pay attention to each other. Was this a lesson I was supposed to be learning? Either way, I felt like a shower so I would have to ponder that later. I stood up and my legs were wobbly, but I soon gained my ground and made my way for the bathroom. I tuned all the lights off and lit a candle, then started the shower.
What a delight! Even with the drop in intensity, the visual effects of the water falling down were striking. Everything was bathed in a colored sheen of greens, blues, and orange. When I moved my hands, the trails made trails of their own. Like a triple rainbow, I had triple or quadruple trails. The water felt great and I did not want to leave, but I felt a rapid decline and wanted to k-hole this trip, so I rinsed and got out.
I had a snack of a banana and an apple, then lit some incense and walked around the house thanking the universe for such a wonderful experience, and asking any bad vibes to leave so as not to cloud the next part. I went back to my bedroom, said a prayer for myself, and injected the ketamine into my right buttock. Whoosh, it came on fast. I quickly selected a disc to listen to�.Pink Floyd�s �Meddle� and lay down to wait for what was coming.
Once again, each song was not a song. I heard no singing or guitars. The music became a different space/place where different processes and procedures occurred to my conscious mind and subconscious mind. At a personal level, it seemed as though I were a baby. I could hear the music and see the room, but I had no frame of reference to understand what any of it was. It really was like seeing and hearing for the first time. There was no concept in my brain for �guitar� and �singing� to recognize �Fearless� as that beautiful Pink Floyd song I have had some many experiences with before. I had no understanding that the objects surrounding me were just the wooden storage devices we humans use to store our clothes in, and sleep on. All I could do was lay there and experience it. It all seemed a diversion while those unknown forces continued to perform their procedures on my mind and brain so I could function again as I deserve to function.
As the last few notes of Echoes rang out, I was suddenly back in my body as if on schedule. I got up, and wobbled over to the bathroom to make water, and full my cup to take some. I could tell I was going to fall asleep as I hit the pillow, so I took only half of my usual Ativan and skipped my usual cup of wine. I fell asleep as soon as I laid down, and awoke the next day feel great and very thankful to the Universe for such a forgiving experience. My company came over later in the day as expected, and I had no problem pulling of the usual expected social graces.
Epilogue:
Once again, psilacetin has shown itself to be an class A-1 psychedelic. IMing it did change the nature of the experience�it seemed much more DMT-like than I noted it before, and it cut the time of the actual experience in half. On the other hand, I have only taken psilacetin two other times...and one of those times was with MDMA. So I do not know this material as well as some of the other,
Regardless, this time with it again showed relaxing properties that make it easy to tolerate, and an easily accessible spiritual/mystical side that seems to set apart from the rest of the mushroom analogues in my brain, save for maybe iprocin. Only a couple of times did any irrational fear creep up, but by simply acknowledging and feeling the fear, I was able to make it go back from where it came. This is one of those trips that really seemed to work on a more subconscious level because I feel so different, while I don't exactly have a lot to report on.
It is exactly one week later since having the experience that I write this, and many of the initial improvements have remained with me. I continue to use less sleeping medication and less wine. I continue to stay on my E-Cigarette, and it is now to the point that I don�t even enjoy real tobacco anymore. I also no longer get nervous or compulsive if I know I am going to be alone for a night. I do not have to seek out someone to make company with. I am able to enjoy the �Me Time.�
�Me Time� is something new to me. It has taken me quite a bit of time to learn that it isn�t a bad thing. Learning to enjoy the 'Me Time' is how I will learn to deal with my emotions without going down the road of temptation. This is how I will learn to be happy just for the sake of being alive and being me. This is how I am going to learn to survive, and move on to the next stage of my life, happy and healthy and ready for whatever comes next.
Post Script:
My apology for this is more of an autobiographical trip report, with not as much �trip� content as some of the others I have written. The truth is, the content of the actual trip itself was so personal, and there would be no way to explain any of it without giving you some background of what has been going on with me. Forgive me if it seems self-indulging but wanted the reader to understand the context of the entire story. Besides, writing trip reports in general is self-indulging. So what can ya do anyway!
Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 98997 Gender: Male Age at time of experience: 34 Published: Jan 18, 2013Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mindfulness (405), 4-AcO-DMT (387) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Relationships (44), Depression (15), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1) -->