Hello my fellow explorers. I have finally achieved what I have wanted. And that is piecing my mind back together after a long 6 months post-trip. So here is my story and I hope you enjoy.
It began the day before The 4th of July. I knew that I didn't not have work on the 4th as My work observes this holiday and gave me the day off. A week previous to this, I bought 1 Rick and Morty tab from a good trusted friend of mine that I grew up with. I knew from other friends that have taken his tabs that it was pure acid. Previous to this trip I had my first trip which was sadly N-bombe with my friends down in ASU (don't trust people down there), then the second time with a couple of friends at my house on my birthday which was a trip and a half. Wild way to spend my birthday. So this third trip I was excited for because I felt I finally had control over this chemical but oh boy was I wrong. So me and my friends were going to a party and we were gonna have a good time. For whatever reason I couldn't get in (probably because I didn't know the person super well) but it didn't really matter to me. So I left my friends at that party and went back to the friend's house as there were other people partying at his house. So I get there and at this point I'm like, I wanna take a tab. So I took that tab out of the back of my phone case and popped it on my tongue, let it dissolve then swallowed it. Then this is where my 6 months of struggle begin.
As I just finished the tab I go into the backyard where other people are smoking some weed, so I join in. We're sitting there for about 30 minutes before I look at the lights hanging around the backyard start to begin to look very very bright. And I was entranced. So I stared. I stared until I realized all the people around me were gone. Not sure what time it is, I pull my phone out of my pocket, which at that exact moment I see a shadow type figure dart across the room, as I said, "Did I just really see that?" Not thinking much of it, I go upstairs to this game room where people are laying on the couch playing PS4. Most of these people I know very well and others I recognize their face but don't know them as well. I was probably in there playing PS4 for about 3 hours when the friends from the party came home and saw that I was tripping nutsack. At this point everything around me has changed, infinite fractals etc etc. So a couple more hours go on then everyone goes to sleep or goes home. So at this point, I'm all alone in my friend's gameroom. So, I decided oh I'll just lay down and go to sleep. So I tried for 10 mins but thought to myself, Hey, I took LSD I should be enjoying it! So I throw on the PS4 and go on youtube and watch some trippy music videos artists etc etc. As I was listening to this music, something just clicked in my brain like a light switch. Like this music I was listening to, just made sense. And how everything just kinda makes sense. So I started analyzing the world around me and how it works. And I realized that everything around us is just within our mind. Everything we see is created because our mind perceives the world and sends electrical signals to your brain which sums up the reality you see! So with more music and weed, I kept diving deeper down the rabbit hole. I wondered how is it that I (keyword I) am able to perceive this world. And then started thinking about myself. But for some reason I couldn't remember who I was. So it freaked me out. I thought I lost my mind and really dove too deep. But at this exact moment, It was as if I was seeing a vision of the exact room I was in with me in that EXACT present moment. It was as if I switched over from first person vision to third person vision. And I didn't understand. Then a voice came in my head saying, "You know it and have known it all along." In that instance, I completely believe I was speaking to my higher self. My higher-self playing this game we call life. This is the person, soul, consciousness whatever you want to call it, guiding me through the universe. This is just my subconscious thoughts! So I asked, "who am I" and it told me to listen. And in that moment, Youtube put on One Love by Bob Marley. I started really grooving to it. And I really listened to the music. And it finally clicked. It made sense. That I am God. We are God. Every human standing living and walking on this Earth is God, and We are all just one collective consciousness living in the same reality at the exact same time. One Love. And that the meaning of this life is to just live and love. To get to be able to wake up and perceive this universe as you please. That in itself is amazing.
But I couldn't move on. Something about this idea of being able to know that we are One Consciousness living this reality was tough if I was the only person to be able to know this information. You can go to someone and say hey, I learned this from LSD. BUT. You can't. Society will deem you as crazy. They will label you a guy that took too much acid when in reality you're just awake in the dream while everyone is kinda like a zombie in this reality. So with this idea of One Consciousness being on my mind 24/7, I couldn't connect with people. I couldn't relate. Because no one could understand me. So I went into a depressive state for about 5 months because I felt so disconnected from society and my life. Slowly it took me awhile to build confidence and energy back up to be able to at least attempt to communicate with others. But the one idea that helped push me through it all is that, we're all living this same reality. There's nothing I can do to change how I see it, but maybe by spreading love, I'm in turn helping myself and others as we are all just kinda dazed and confused in a strange world. Because Love and Living is the only meaning we need! I hope to move on with education, hopefully find myself a girlfriend, move out of my parents house, and just continue hoping that I can get another day to live and see this beautiful and blessed time we are alive in! Peace and Love my fellow travelers and may my story help you in your endeavors.