Hello, I created reddit account just to post this. I like to read other ppls tr's and mine was very important to me and I couldn't let you guys get away without reading it. Also, worth mentioning now, it's been almost a month since the trip and I still feel good. If you'll ever read to the end, you'll see what I mean.
Setting: night, dark room, no sounds, comfy couch, window facing busy street
I had four glasses of wine, couple of joints and meditated a bit. My friend M eyeballed the dose and I remember M saying "it'll be enough". M fired up the pipe and held it in front of me, so I could comfortably focus on inhaling. In the middle of the first and only toke, everything was already pixelated. 144p or less. Sound was heavily glitching. At this point I thought it's the highest possible trip I could get out of it on that day, and definitely my most intense trip ever. M left the room and turned off the light. Sound of the bulb going dark glitched infinitely bouncing from my left to right ear, like ping pong delay, but accelerating into one, solid frequency. I was left alone in the dark with incense burning. I looked at incense and thought it had been a good idea putting it here. Ember somehow started moving and ended up in the centre of my viewing area. I remember feeling of movement, like super fast transportation, but I didn't see or remember any of tunnels, funnels or going through space kind of thing that people describe. Suddenly everything filled up with bright blue light. In front of me I could see a blue crystal spinning and emitting some light. I think I looked around and at my hands and I believe they looked like an environment in TRON films and games. I looked up and freaked out.
Three blue entities are standing in front of me. Infinitely long blue arms seem to be reaching out in my direction. I am freaking out even more, I can't stand looking at their faces. It is so weird. "To know the face of God is to know madness". I am panicking. I focus on my breathing, but I don't really have lungs or mouth or hands or belly anymore. I turn my head to look for the window, as I always have felt safe looking through windows, I find the window and my mind is blown. World turned into a mosaic and froze in motion, I kid you not. Everything is building itself from triangles and hexagons, all the time mutating, reshaping. Colours are amazing. A tram is passing by, infinitely, turning into a long black shape, infinitely. Completely flat, two dimensional. Same happens to cars. Sound, light, objects feel like infinite mirrors or a ping pong game with ball leaving a visible trace that is not fading and all of those infinite repetitions are creating new shapes constructed from those infinite repetitions creating new shapes from repetitions creating new shapes. It looks beautiful. A tree is morphing into a fountain built from only one black shape, like a monolith from "2001", splitting into two at the top and then turning to touch the street. The world has this weird, cold feeling. Like big, cold, metal cogs. Or a perfect cube melded from the coldest metal and darkest fears. I forgot I had ever smoked. I forgot I had come to this house. I'm thinking I'll be left in this state forever. I want to scream for help, but I don't have a mouth anymore. I promised myself "never again". And then I saw something terrible, that my mind couldn't comprehend. People turn into triangles. Black triangles. And they walk around like it's a normal thing being a fucking triangle. Heads were the worst. I could accept triangle knees, feet, hands. But head is freaking horrible. They even have stupid triangle hats. I can't compute anymore. Stack overflow. Halt and catch fire. I believe at a moment like this people say they feel like they are going to die. I let go.
"This is how my brain looks like from the inside" I remembered how M once said I could use DMT to map my brain. And I realised I don't have a brain anymore! It's being dissolved, dissected, piece by piece flying away up from my head. I look back at the crystal, but it's gone. Everything is gone. Only existence among three blue entities. I could see them in front of me and their hands behind me at the same time, which seems to be possible without limitation of physical body. I don't have any memories. I don't judge, think, analyse, see, breathe, live. I don't feel time or space. I exist and not-exist at the same time. In an infinite space. An infinite being. Entities are not important anymore. I see their calm faces. Nothing is important. I feel like some kind of God. Seriously. Or a substance that binds life with death, dark with light and without it worlds would fall apart. It's really hard to describe something that was me, but wasn't really me as there was no concept of "I". Only pure existence.
After spending an infinite time there, I'm being transported back to this world. My body is slowly rebuilding: ears, eyes, hands and all coming back to life. I saw a door of a washing machine and it was the first round object I saw during an entire trip. I realised I'm back on earth. "Why am I back here?" I asked myself. It felt like a beginning of another trip here on earth. I took a first breath. Really. Big, loud and long inhale. I was born again, or maybe for the first time. Whomever I was prior to the trip, this person definitely didn't come back. Memories of 30 years of my life on earth and whatever will happen in the future feel like a 1% compared to 99% of what has happened in the infinite space. Next 40 minutes, in reality probably 2 mins, I am spending looking outside of the window taking elaborate notes of the trip, which results in five very hard to read sentences.
What is not clear:
I am not sure anymore if entities were with me in an infinite space, or only before I got there. My mind already created a few fake memories. I think it was more like this: dark room with incense > blue room with crystals and entities > outside world (hyperspace? someone pls explain it to me, because as I understand it now, hyperspace is 'reshaping world', but not an infinite space) > back to the blue room with entities without crystal > infinite space without time and ego and shit > back on earth.
Also, according to my notes, I saw "long blue hands with writings on them" but I don't remember seeing it in a trip. Peculiar. It seems possible to remember more from trips if you take notes or record your voice straight after you're back, when you are still tripping a bit.
Also, voice recording. M recorded me describing everything right after the trip. Curious lines:
"I couldn't believe you can hallucinate so hard that it feels like reality and everything else doesn't exist." "Quantum CPU, light and dark at the same time." "Taking the toke felt like 5 minutes, I felt I'll be sucking forever :)" "I know it was a hallucination and it doesn't exist, but I still believe in it. I wish I could take you there and show you how heaven and hell feel at the same time. I didn't believe you can exist in infinite space without time." "I felt my brain was being formed again." "Entities were neutral, they could kill you and resurrect you." "I didn't know it was possible."
Afterthought:
On the next day I went out to pick up some stuff from shops. It was already dark and I had a constant feeling that people will turn into triangles and trip will start again. Really anxious feeling. Similar thing happened in the shower. My ankles were swollen after days of traveling and walking. As I looked closer, I saw a very familiar, triangular shape. I am a triangle. We all are triangles.
Symbolism and feelings during my trip are getting me closer to the theory that Moses' burning bush was a DMT trip (heard this theory on Joe Rogan). In christianity, three figures, triangles, even jesters somehow symbolise heaven. And if God made us in his image, therefore we must have a piece of him in ourselves, hence feeling of being God during the trip. This stuff is really interesting and I will definitely dig deeper into that. I'm an Atheist, by the way. And a very sceptical person. Science > all.
People looking for a secret message in DMT trips often expect it will be shown or said to them. In my opinion, it's a wrong expectation. When you're born, you don't know language, but you know feelings and emotions. Don't expect your brain to suddenly know or understand any sort of communication at times when your ego and mind is gone. You have to FEEL it. Once you look with your heart, you'll understand. When serotonin receptors are affected by DMT, LSD or Zoloft, Zoloft is not saying anything to you in writings, but you can definitely feel its effects in your life. Or whatever. Just my theory.
Best thing happened a few days after, on my way back home on the plane. I realised I'm sitting in a giant box filled with people traveling above our lonely planet that is 'flying' in the universe. It all seemed so new. I remembered I'm going back home, but I couldn't tell why and what home is. Really interesting feeling. I realised my depression and anxiety is gone. I can't remember how I felt in the past. I accepted everything for what it is.
A week after the trip, I still feel like this. And I don't think this feeling is going away anytime soon. I read an interesting paper on Ayahuasca and it looks like this DMT-serotonin-headspace feeling stays with a person for up to two weeks. I wonder how I will feel in coming weeks. For now, I believe DMT cured me and will do so again in the future, as most likely this clarity of mind will diminish. In the past I used to feel anger and despair. Now I feel silence. And this silence is truly fucking amazing. Never in my life have I felt so calm. My purpose is clear, I don't second guess anymore, I exist. I look around and I see harmony. All has place in the universe. War and peace, poor and rich. They won't exist without each other. The infinite cycle of life consists of being alive and being dead. DMT is not about entities, hyperspace or trips. DMT is here to fix your soul and mind and to put you back on tracks. Quite an experience to live in balance, isn't it?