Five grams of Penis Envy — a variety known for above-average potency. Complete darkness. Silence. Alone. This is Terence McKenna's heroic dose protocol and I prepared for two months: meditation practice, journaling, clean diet, clear psychological state.
T+0:30 the come-up was a freight train. Rapid onset, overwhelming body load, immediate closed-eye visuals. T+0:45 language stopped making sense. The concept of "I" began dissolving.
T+1:00-1:30 ego death. There is no way to adequately describe this. The construct of self — my name, my history, my body — disassembled completely. What remained was awareness without a center. I experienced something like being the universe observing itself. Infinite geometric structures of meaning. Time did not pass because there was no one to experience its passage.
T+1:30-3:00 I encountered what felt like a fundamental truth: that separation is an illusion, that consciousness is not generated by brains but is the ground of all being. Whether this is genuine mystical insight or neurochemistry is a question I cannot answer. The experience felt more real than ordinary reality.
T+3:00-5:00 gradual reassembly of self. I remembered my name, my room, my body. I wept with what I can only call cosmic gratitude.
This experience fundamentally reoriented my relationship with death, meaning, and connection. I do not recommend it casually. This is serious psychological territory that requires extensive preparation, stable mental health, and deep respect for the substance.