DOSE:
44 mg
IM
Ketamine
(powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT:
161 lb
I�m a 66 year old male, 5�11� and 161 pounds (73 kg). I�m tall and thin. I mixed 44 mg (0.6mg/kg) of crystalline powdered ketamine into 1ml of water and injected it into my thigh with a 1/2" long 30 gauge insulin needle. I stayed conscious the entire time. I had impaired vision and felt quite high during the time period from 12 minutes to 40 minutes after injection. I took notes before and after that peak. I often felt a bit nauseous, and, if I moved, had a tinge of vertigo. My tinnitus seems worse since then. I achieved some self-inquiry as intended, which yielded some insights into one of the six questions I had written in advance. Overall, it wasn�t a pleasant/euphoric high, although it had very pleasant aspects. On the positive side, I got to see clearly how happy I am with my body and in relation to my parts. That was quite nice. I got a visual of the part of me that procrastinates. And I could really use that same energy applied elsewhere! The biggest benefit was to realize that I�m much happier with myself than I realized.
This journey took place in my apartment where I�ve lived for a long time. I feel comfortably private as my housemate is very unlikely to get out of bed before I expect to again be �normal enough.� I�ve been in a good head space for over a week. Practicing Rosenberg�s Nonviolent Communication and Schwartz�s Internal Family Systems, I try to practice loving kindness and compassion toward all of me and my parts, as well as toward others and their parts. That said, I struggle with depression, which seems to be founded on harsh self-criticism. But I�ve been feeling more grounded, resourced, and centered than normal for this last 10 days or so. So, I felt empowered. My intent was to do some inner inquiry, ideally conversing with some parts within me that I don�t understand with loving curiosity and gentleness.
Due to struggles with depression and major procrastination, roughly three years ago I purchased a gram of a white crystalline powder with the understanding that it was ketamine. The seller, who I have reason to believe is credible and truthful, directed my focus on the tiny linear crystals telling me that crystal shape was typical of powdered K. Recommending that I start conservatively, we both snorted a very little bit off the end of a key. Over the next 15 minutes, we both bumped a couple of times with similar amounts. The effect was quite mild. He was surprised that I was still quite talkative. I experienced no noticeable unpleasant effect, during or after.
And today at 2:30 am I woke with a jolt of adrenaline and fear, suddenly realizing that my procrastination likely caused me to miss an important work deadline. I decided I was ready to really try ketamine hoping to boost clarity as to what�s going on within me.
For hygiene reasons, for 10 minutes, I boiled a cooker (similar to the small aluminum cups that hold tea candles but smaller in diameter and taller walls) and a tiny mixing spoon. Using a scale designed to be accurate to the mg, I weighed out 44 mg of the powdered K (hopefully K!). To measure 1ml of water, I drew into the syringe some of the same water that had been boiled, but was now cooled a bit. I then squirted the now-measured water into a cooker with the 44mg and mixed it with the spoon. It mixed easily (matching the literature that says the K is pretty water soluble) with about 1 minute of stirring. I then drew the mixture back into the syringe, careful to minimize touching the tip of the needle so as to protect its fine point (which minimizes the hole in the skin. Turning the syringe so that the needle pointed toward the ceiling, I then tapped the barrel to cause the air bubbles to rise to the needle and then pushed the syringe plunger slightly to expel the air.
I had my notebook and pen on my bed with my self-inquiry questions, an old Gatorade bottle as a �sharps� container, and in case my housemate found me in a K-Hole, a note explaining that I took some ketamine and should be relatively normal in about an hour. I felt very nervous and a little agitated about �injecting a drug,� something I never thought I�d do in my life. I could feel my discomfort in my armpits.
I forgot to swab my thigh with the alcohol, plunged the needle in at a 90 degree angle and then over about 45 seconds slowly depressed the plunger. Initially there was a tiny pain, but that passed quickly. I used any lack of comfort as feedback to modulate how fast I injected. I re-capped both ends of the syringe and dropped it into the Gatorade bottle. I placed the bottle where it would be seen, if my housemate came in. I jotted down the exact time.
Within a minute (all references are from time of injection), I felt something, but got up twice in the first 5 minutes or so, to pee and adjust the clock so that I could see it while lying in bed. My vision was getting blurry, and I walked carefully, lacking confidence in balance and coordination did seem poor. When I got up to pee, I noticed a small drip of blood that ran down from the injection site. It was then that I realized that I forgot the alcohol swab.
When I got back into bed, I assessed the situation and risk, realizing that I was pretty clean and a very healthy immune system. I became convinced that I would not get an infection (we�ll see!). But then I realized how much I love my body, how healthy it is and how important it is that I really take good care of my body. That was a powerful and enjoyable insight! I realized how much I love my body, how healthy it is and how important it is that I really take good care of my body. That was a powerful and enjoyable insight!