A modest 15mg of 4-AcO-DMT went down the hatch just a moment ago. It will be my first experience with a psychedelic. I'm incredibly excited - also a touch nervous of course, but nothing terrible - and ready to open a new door in life. I've been patiently learning about the psychedelic world for months through reading and listening to so much content, and I couldn't do much more to be in a good headspace. I know the dose isn't anything record breaking, but it's my first, and that certainly makes it special to me.
Good vibes to all you amazing people out there tonight as I join the ranks on what I hope will be the first of many beautiful experiences. :) <3
Edit: I think I'll add to this post like a live report, albeit perhaps a fairly plain one. Could be fun! I am inside for the night since it's quite cold anyway.
T+0:45 I'm not sure if it's placebo because of my expectations or not, but I keep going to look at this wonderful tapestry I have with art by Cameron Grey and it seems to sway and spin ever so slightly. It's very early in so it might just be my eyes playing tricks for now. :P
T+1:10 I have five LIFX bulbs throughout the room. They're each set to a different color. It's fascinating how moving between colored sections of the area has a subtle effect of shifting how I feel. It's not really something that goes into words. I have a 5mg "booster" capsule I may go for if things don't get much more intense than this, but even now the body load slowly seems to shift and spin in a slowly greater manner, so that may not be necessary. This is definitely quite fascinating and fun already. :)
T+1:35 This apple is absolutely delicious. It also seems to take up a significant portion of my attention when I eat it. I've taken the booster, as this is still extremely controllable. I wonder what will change.
T+1:50 There's certainly a comfortable but noticeable sense of time dilation. Three minutes feels somewhat longer for sure. I'm staring at my tapestry and it shows me these beautiful visuals. Like the nature of its material is amplified. It sways and swirls and melts - wow typing with proper spelling is a moderate challenge right now huh? - and all the different parts have so much more dimension instead of seeming entirely flat. This is beautiful. I have wonderful music in the background. I feel so happy. Smiles keep appearing on my face just because. I think I'll lay down a bit shortly.
T+2:30 It's very controllable if I want it to be at this level. I can open my eyes, stand up, and generally choose to exert willpower to keep it very calm if I want. The feel of the physical and mental space changes quite a lot to lay down and listen to some music. In the dark it's very much like a solitude that isn't entirely uncomfortable but just very new. With lights they seem to intensify and influence the visuals. In either case, visuals aren't overwhelming, but they're there - closed eye ones, that is. I can sort of feel and sense them as they warp and melt. I know this is just the tip of the iceberg and it's great to see all the effects and their possibilities start to show. I'm going to probably stop updating this, at least for now, and more fully submit to the experience to see how deep it will let me go tonight. <3
T+3:40 Perhaps I'll come back to this tomorrow to add detail and whatnot to it. For now...how am I feeling about all this? Yeah. Wow. This is something else. Familiar. Dark. Light. Cold. Warm. A total synthesis of so many different senses. A powerful, forceful teacher that shows you what you need to see without holding back for a second, and a loving caretaker that wants to show you the beauty in the universe. At this moment I completely understand when I've read and heard about how it can be hard to take things back from this. Even though for the most part I'm currently grounded, I know I'll forget some of the things I'm thinking about and that have been shown to me about myself in even a few hours. Just trying to even type them here makes it more confusing too. And right now I'm trying too hard to apply meaning to it all with this paragraph. That's definitely one of the things it's showing me - I need to try less hard in some places and harder in others. Where I put my effort isn't always the best use of it.
Okay. I'm out for the night. This is a sobering experience but ultimately it's still a very positive one! There's so much to think and feel I'll never get it all out here. I've got to be willing to let go of it. Okay. Night. <3
T+3:55 One more thing. The mood right now...it's a solemn sort of melancholy. But it's good. This is catharsis perhaps? Release. Letting go of tensions that have been holding me back. This is that nature of duality. Experiencing different pains so wholly right now is what I need so that I can appreciate the beauty and incredibility I've been neglecting. Crazy that this is just the tip of the iceberg, really. Wow.
I feel gratitude. Thanks. Love. Peace.
T+5:50 I'm down, more or less. Readjusting a bit. Digesting. What a ride for such a miniscule amount of powder, huh? I'm intensely glad I went through with it; the experience was sort of like a washing of my mentality in that I feel somewhat reset. It definitely made a lot of things apparent to me which usually aren't, and some of those are far more challenging to face than others. All in all, I'd do it again, and I will. The next time I visit 4-AcO I want it to be day, with a dose that's some amount above 20mg up front, and to have some time ahead of the dose in a sort of ceremonial mood. Before that may be an experience with ALD-52 though. In any case, this was incredible.
I wrote a single thing on my phone that wasn't included in this "journal" as I was writing it. It was personal and all-encompassing at that moment, as you can probably imagine. It is this: DON'T FORGET. APPRECIATE THINGS MORE. SHOW LOVE. THIS IS WHY YOU TRIPPED.