I hit two years sober in November 2018. I am currently in college, and the day before finals I decided it would be a good idea to get drunk with my friend. Their roommate comes home around 5am and I realize the severity of my situation, that I'm drunk and have the most important day of school in a few hours. They offer me some crystal so that I can wake up and get through it.
I had seen some white over at their house previously and remained strong, but I decided to go for an hour long walk because I felt like I couldn't be there. I come back and ended up asking them for it anyways. I smoked with them, took my final, and went home. It was an awful day, but fuck if I had not craved that feeling. It satisfied the dreams, the pain, the nostalgia, everything. I went over there randomly about a week later. Their roommate offered me some again. I couldn't say no.
Next thing I know it's January 24th, and I have spent all of two days at my own house since mid/late December. I have been smoking almost daily for a month now, I've fucked off one of my biggest responsibilities and have relapsed wholly.
I still have my job, am responsible enough to take some sort of care of myself, and am successfully saving money. My life is still together, but my soul and heart are immeasurably heavy. I don't have a single person I can say this to, and reddit has been there for me in my darkest moments.
If you are tempted to use, please let me be your example. It's not worth it, as much as I've been telling myself it is.