I guess I should post this story because in my opinion it's actually an amazing experience for me. I have a feeling it's going to be long, but it was a story that's been burning my mind a lot and I suppose I can share it here. I wish I had this sub two weeks ago because the need to share was so compelling. I think I felt the after effects for two days. Anyways apparently you guys like these stories so I'll go ahead and share. It's okay if it's boring. I'm going to enjoy writing this out for myself so feel free to feel how you feel. If you want to just skip all the boring pretext stuff I'll bold the first sentence of the paragraph when I finally start feeling it.
First, a little about me. I am a pretty chill guy. People tell me I'm nice and easy going and I like to believe I am. I have extremely high tolerance for people being weird or doing things that normally make others uncomfortable, like meeting someone for the first time and having him puke all over my apartment floor. Doesn't make me mad, I'll just give him a bucket, wipe it down with towels, start the laundry, and tell him to sleep on my couch. Maybe even give him some towels to sleep with and such. However with myself, I'm very structured. I have a strict budget down to the cent for every single category. I save $6.50 a month for a haircut that I get every two months. My work and studies as a programmer are just as systematic. I graduated 4 years ago so full on career now. It makes me good at my job so I've always been happy with it. My major money sinks had been video games and mma gyms. The point of this paragraph is to just explain that I'm really structured, haven't been spontaneous since college.
Two weeks ago I moved to a new city, only two hours from where I was currently living at the time. One of my friends came to help me move. He was from that city so he was going to show me around after and I'd treat him to dinner and such for helping me move. We'll call him John. Well, after the move we met up with one of his childhood friends called Jacob. Jacob was a DJ so he was connected to the scene and he really wanted to check out this new underground rave that was going to happen. I'm more used to mainstream hip-hop/rap clubs so I wasn't particularily excited about it but he really wanted to check it out so hey, I follow where they go.
We get to this warehouse and it was $25 to get in. Feeling sketch about it already because then we have to buy alcohol inside. Whatever. I wasn't feeling it but hey, new city new experiences. We go in and it was a large empty warehouse with the dj/lights setup in front. Maybe ten people were there. It was only 10:30 pm so pretty early. One person had a giant hulahoop and was spinning on it Da Vinci Man style so that was pretty awesome. Already felt like a great thing to experience. That's when the 3 of us met some guy that apparently John and Jacob knew pretty well. I don't want to break the rules so I will just say my friend John ended up having what we verified was Orange Tesla, and it was a total surprise for all of us. They got excited and I confirmed I would be willing to try. I've thought about it before.
We went to a nearby kid's house, Jingle, and decided to do some pre-gaming there. Just drinking beers we talked and yeah we all agreed to do it. They both took a look and I guess they verified it's safe and real and not fake. I only met Jacob and Jingle, but John I knew for years and trusted. I also knew his party life and knew he would make the right calls. And he knew Jacob really well. Also, Jacob decided to be the sober one. He was DD and would also just make sure we were all chill the whole night.
After an hour or two of chillin we all go back to the warehouse where it's much more packed and crowded. Before we go in, we use a water bottle and took half each. It was a smallish (200 people or so) warehouse rave so they weren't wanting to go all out, and I took only half because of course it was my first time. Again, Jacob didn't take any. We go in to an upstairs balcony area overlooking the crowds and just checked them out.
Twenty five minutes go by and we're still up there sipping beer. I was actually incredibly antsy with anticipation, just waiting to feel something having no idea what to expect or what was going on. I felt completely normal, bored even. I was not enjoying the music because I didn't listen to much electronic or house or whatever it was. We were still just people watching. Being guys, we noted some cute girls we saw. Some Russian girl with red hair dancing very well. Another girl in overalls with brown hair who I thought was pretty cute and she was just rocking back and forth. Some blonde, a girl with glasses, some hula hoop Asian girls, very cool.
As we keep people watching, I get more and more bored, pissed even. This was supposed to be some of the best there is and I don't even feel anything. Hyped myself all night and now nothing is going to happen. I also start feeling a little tired. I tell my friends I'm going downstairs to just sit on one of the couches against the wall because I was so tired of just standing there.
So I sit on the wall, getting sleepy and literally close my eyes and rest my head against the wall. I start getting really sleepy and honestly just decided to rest there all night until it was time to leave. I listened to the music and the beat and the rhythm. The music was so loud, I didn't mind, but it was loud enough to completely vibrate the walls. My head would shake on the wall, but I didn't mind it. I was slightly tipsy so it didn't bother me. The techno music dropped to a rhythm. I play piano so I just metronomed it in my head. But as I metronomed it, I started noticing bigger gaps between the sounds and the vibrations on the wall. As in, I heard the sound first...then a noticable gap later felt the vibration. To me, that made absolutely no sense at all. Why would I hear the sound if vibrations are the sound waves? When someone fires a gun, the bullet hits the target before you even hear the sound, right? How can I hear the sound before the vibrations even reach me and the wall? It must be that I'm faster than sound. That thought started repeating itself in my head. What the fuck? I'm faster than sound? That's stupid. But it made so much sense. And that's when my brain started getting tingly and funny. And that's when I knew, even before my consciousness realized it, that I was feeling it. I kept thinking that thought. I am faster than sound. I knew it was ridiculous and completely untrue, but at the same time I knew it makes sense in the weird abstract way it did. And I also knew that it only made sense because of the drug, and that the logic that made it correct would go away later. Oh shit.
I opened my eyes. The music came into focus and it was a crazy beat. The music sounded AWESOME. At first actually I was horrified. My vision was so blurry and the lights were spinning around and the music was so fast that I was feeling like I was spiraling out in space. I had my ice cold corona in my hands and I literally gripped it as hard as I could because I felt like the coldness was the only sensation anchoring me down to reality while the rest of me was floating into space.
I very very slowly walked back up the stairs and walked over to my friends still on the balcony. Jingle was gone, but John and Jacob were still there. John notices me behind him, turns around, and laughs when he sees me because he instantly knows what's going on. We talk a bit and I hear myself talk but it felt like I was controlling my body through remote controls. I had to relay the words I wanted to say to my mouth which would then open and relay the message. He asked me how I felt. "This is fucking awesome." I replied.
He grabs me, motions to Jacob, and we go down into the crowd to start dancing. I mean, I couldn't dance at all. I held onto that corona like it was a life vest out at sea. But the music was amazing. My friend tried to get me to dance a little but moving was so scary. I just held onto my beer and stayed there, rocking a little bit and shaking myself out but I just kept closing my eyes, sipping my beer, and listening to the music.
At this point, I have to say I am very lucky to have been with John and Jacob my first night. The whole entire time for the rest of the night, they made sure I always had a cup of water in my hand or a beer when I felt more aware and wanted one. They were always checking on me, making sure I was good and that I always had enough to drink, and that I was sipping the whole night. Jacob, the DD, would make sure of it when John was out having fun since he took half as well.
Anyways we are on the dance floor and I'm just absorbed and lost in the music. But the drops and the vibrations were starting to overwhelm me. Somehow, John noticed this and saw that I was starting to be not okay so he grabbed me and the three of us headed outside to a little "outdoor festival" vibe with a bunch of hammocks, couches, a much calmer dj and people chatting, drinking, and doing hula hoops, light fingers, stuff. It was a cold night too but they had a huge fire going.
It was a much more chill area and I felt better there. We sat a bit, remet back up with Jingle, and John and Jingle basically took turns hitting on the Russian girl with the red hair we saw earlier. I just sipped on my beer and after a bit we headed back in.
We were in there for a while but I just didn't like it as much as outside. I couldn't bring myself to dance, felt physically incapable for some reason, but was just happy and felt great to be there. I loved it. I remember telling my friend how amazing it felt, but it felt so amazing I knew I did not want to do this too often which he confirmed, but I'd be so down to do it again in a month or next big rave or something.
John goes off to dance and I tell Jacob I just feel better outside. We both head out there and we go by the fire where a circle's gathered to watch a hula hoop girl. That's when I saw her. The brown-haired girl in overalls. She was leaning against the table. Yo, seeing her hit me so hard. I sat backwards onto the couch and literally could not take my eyes off her. Her skin looked so REAL. It was really smooth and peach, and her hair was curly. She was just leaning against a circular table, texting on her phone. The wind was blowing and she'd shake the hair out of her eyes and it was the most goddamn beautiful motion ever. I had no idea exactly what I was feeling but it was the best feeling in the whole world. It was at this point some girl came out with spinning fire sticks. That blew my mind. The way the fire was following the stick. The heat coming and going across my skin. It illuminated this girl in overalls. As she continued to just text, chill, look around, brush the hair out of her eyes, the fire illuminated the skin. It made her glow, the fire dancing on her skin in perfect harmony with her spirit. At least in my mind. I remember telling my friends crazy things lol. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world." "Her element is fire. She embodies change." My friends laughed and patted me on the head and left me on the couch with Jingle. I couldn't take my eyes off her, but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say to her. My friend said that she was definitely tripping on acid. I didnt know what that did to a person. But she was absolutely stunning and I felt like I had to do something about it before I lost my chance. I told Jingle "I really wanna talk to her." and he said "Well then, go talk to her." and I said "I...I can't. I can barely function right now. I know I can't have a conversation." and started laughing. He laughed with me, shrugged and said, "Well, then just enjoy it."
Holy shit that just blew my mind. I mean we all know to always just appreciate things when they happen but at this moment that message truly meant something to me. I realized the truth and honesty of having to do something like that. I don't have to do anything. I can just enjoy it. Enjoy seeing this moment that was so perfect because this girl was so perfect. In the back of my mind, I knew she wouldn't seem perfect anymore if I were sober, but it didn't matter because right now in the reality that I was experiencing she was the center of the whole universe. It literally played like a 90's romance movie with the slo-mo hair throw and the pursing of the lips and the tiny shift in weight from one foot to the next. I learned something so significant to my life then and that's when I knew my life had changed. Everything about that night had been spontaneous and free, just enjoying what was happening without any idea what will happen next. I've always been a planner, and when I decide to do something fun I'm liberal with my fun but I always compare it to the consequences of the future. Will this be too expensive for tomorrow? Will I be too gone to function? Am I going to find myself in a tough situation that will cost a lot to get out of? But I didn't have to do any of that, I didn't have to do anything. I could literally just absorb what was happening and what was there and even if she will never know, she was a perfect portrait in my heart that I knew I could always think back on when I needed to remind myself of this lesson. And I knew I was absolutely in love with her. The fire made her glow like an angel, and I was feeling the dark contrast between the chilly night and the spinning and weaving fire on my own skin, the heat ebbing and flowing, coming in and out through my whole body as the dancer spun the stick. In my head I was writing poetry about her, and I kind of wish I could remember what it was because I knew I would like it when I was sober. I also don't write poetry, by the way.
She left shortly after and I rejoined my friends inside. It was a good night. The music was much more managable then, and I actually could feel the high leaving. I really didn't want it to leave, and was considering asking for another hit and knew it was a bad idea so I didn't. As I sobered up, we eventually left.
Anyways, life-changing event. I'm still back to my same old self but I still have this memory of her, like a beautiful moving portrait not unlike what you see in Harry Potter movies, of just her swishing her hair and looking down at her phone while she texts and then looking back up and around. Her overalls exposing her side skin with a short shirt and pants underneath. Nothing sexy about it at all but damn it was the most beautiful and nonsexual lust I've ever experienced. It's a good memory that I have now. I didn't fall asleep until 6 AM and woke up at 9 AM and accomplished so many chores while my friend was passed out on the floor of my room. Told him about the girl and he knew. At one point he had stepped in front of me, and I had used my legs to "Gently" push him out of the way lol. We agreed to go to a few festivals and I was all for it. Two weeks later it was last Friday, and I took my second half. I'm in now.