DOSE:
3 hits
oral
LSD
(blotter / tab)
220 mg
insufflated
Ketamine
(powder / crystals)
repeated
smoked
Cannabis
(plant material)
oral
Melatonin
(pill / tablet)
BODY WEIGHT:
160 lb
I had been amping myself up for a really epic dance party with an out of town house and techno dj at a local late night club for weeks. The day had finally come. My friend T had never done acid before I recommended her to take it with me this night because we would be in the company of friends and the party would be going all night.
At around 10 pm I took 2 tabs and she had 1. We started to feel the giggles and the energy within our chests within around half an hour after, and that feeling prevailed with a hint of anxiousness for about another hour. We left for the party at around midnight, already feeling pretty high and getting a bit confused when leaving the house with regards to what to bring/wear.
The party was really dark, the only light coming from the large double projection behind the dj table. Sound was good. Maybe great, really deep bass and dynamic range. Pretty excited to see where this night is going. I start to notice the visuals when I adjust to the darkness. Mainly rainbow geometry, persian-like patterns and after image effects from the projections screens. I felt the usually tightening of muscles especially in my legs and knees. I tried to dance it out but after abut 45 minutes its obvious that I have to change into sneakers.
I decide to go home, which is very near. On my way out of the dark club I notice that It is hard to adjust to the light. Everything has a rainbow haze or aura around it and peoples skin is throbbing and my own hands look transparent like I can see the blood flowing through them. I run into a friend on my way out the door and he asks if I am alright, probably because I look very confused. I am just very sensitive at this time. Back at home me and my friend decide that the acid is feeling very nice and that we would like some more. I am feeling a little bored and that I may as well take it up a notch so I take another dose and she takes half and shares the other half with another friend, S.
WHAT IF I CAN'T GET HIGH ANYMORE?
Back in the club the music is a bit boring and I am waiting to get more into it. I talk with my friend who asked if I was okay earlier. I tell him that I am not feeling right, not happy. I say it may be becuse I had been doing ketamine casully throughout the day. The night before I had a serious panic attack/ breakdown and confessed that I thought I had a dependance on K and that I use it to get me through depression although I was scared that it just made it worse. He assured me that the anxiety I was feeling would pass and that the effects of LSD would outweigh any other residual sedative effects of Ketamine. I had a fear that I had done some damage to my mental chemistry and that psychedelics wouldn't have the same euphoric effect on me now. But I wanted to believe he was right and just then, one of my favourite old school acid tracks 'Jesus loves the acid' by Ecstacy Club came on and I started to work it. I remembered a recent experience on acid when I learned that physical excercise promotes the intensity of the visual and bodily high when I was running through the forest. I began to jack very hard and whip my hair about. Kaleidescopic ribbons flowed by my face and seemed to cascade through my body as well and it was very pleasurable. I realized that it was really up to me to make the best of this trip.
The club was very packed and there were many people with the clubbing-drunk and obnoxious vibe and I was feeling sensitive to this. Eventually they seemed to clear out around 2:30 and I was just getting higher.
The rest of the night just got better. The music just got better, the people got looser, the air got sweet with sweat and weed smoke and the crowd was working it very serious like, very hard. For the next two and a half hours I danced like I was having sex, like the pleasure of movement was giving me life and the music was fueling my power. I could feel the air moving out of the speakers and the space between the bass and treble was thick with vibration still. I was picking up on a very interesting and trippy stereoscopic sound effect. I usually experience a heavy presence of reverb as an aural hallucination while on acid but this was hard to define as a hallucination. I hoped it wasn't for the sake of the crowd because it was so fucking cool.
I did spend most of the evening enjoying my time solo, with friends coming up to me for brief periods and dancing with me. T came by later in the night and I asked her how it was going. 'Great! Amazing!' She looked nice and ripped, eyes all huge and juicy. I asked if she was getting visuals, thinking she may have not taken enough and wishing she could be seeing what I was. 'Yes! Loads! Its incredible!' she exclaimed. Ah, so relived I was! ' Man I am so happy for you! You are so lucky that its such a perfect environment for your first time! YAY!' And we danced extaticly.
When I went to the bathroom it was very bright and I realized how high I actually was. I could barely see. Everything was vibrating in colour and pulsing in and out. I sat on the toilet and my skin just pulsed. I focused on myself in the mirror and danced with myself. There was a very distinct delay in my reflection and it was very convincing and amusing to do this! I usually freak myself out when looking in the mirror on drugs but I felt very attractive this time. My hair had been wet with sweat and then kind of dried in motion in lovely ringlets which cascaded in harmony with the frame of my face and shoulders. I look like a fairy! The most natural way I can look is the most lovely! This gave me the confidence to get back onto the dance floor and really work it.
It was during some intesely sexy and housey tracks that this great epiphany came to me: I have always been very in love with the nostalgia of the early rave era of the late 80s. The politics, the music, the drugs, the shear massiveness of it, the unity and the revolutionary movement it had. All the cliches are true. I was having such a great time I wanted to share it with someone else who looked like they would appreciate it. I saw some guy that I recognized from similar events in the past. I asked if he had ever took acid at a dance party. He said he did once but didnt seem that excited about it. I told him that I was really high and it was great! He reminded me that acid was a party drug before extacy. I told him that the harder I moved the more I tripped out and he laughed happily. And at this moment, jackin hard with my community of dance heads and good folks, I felt like I was truely a part of that movement, that it had transcended time. This was the best party ever!
Nearing the end of the night, after craving weed and smelling the sticky, sweet aroma cloud the club all night, I smoked a couple tokes of weed with my friends. t felt great and intensified the visuals a bit too, which I enjoyed. (Over all if didn't feel as though it was an overly significant contrbution though).
The last track ended with the whole club chearing and demanding and encore, but it would have been a bit inappropriate considering that the whole night was a singular, infectious groove and another track would have had to be selected for the purpose of an encore and I don't think that was expected. At around 5 am the lights began to flash on an off and soon the night was over. Everyone looked so hot and sexy like they had all participated in the biggest ever orgy! Not like usual, after a long night of partying on e. As we exited the club onto the streets we were shocked at what lay right in front of us. At first I though I was looking at a convertable parked on the wrong side of the road, then I began to see that it was a car that had the roof ripped off. it was in pieces, the trunk crumpled, the hood crumpled, the airbags out. The whole block in front of the club was taped off and cops and firemen dealing with the aftermath. It looked fake. The lights were bright and the street glittered with glass and colour reflected in the wet pavement. I felt guilty to see such destruction as beauty. There was a street sweeper up the block with its rear wheel blown off and the rim all bent. The car must have rammed it, rolled, and tore up in turbulance. The driver must be dead. I had this cosmic feeling that some destruction must happen in order for beauty to take it's place. I know that is kinda insensitive, but people die all the time, its just odd that it happened right then, right there.
At home it was obvious that me and my girlfriends were very high and were not getting to sleep any time soon. I think I may have never been this high on acid. It was in full force, even after 7 hours of the first dose. I had some ketamine and I was suddenly very excited to take some in combination with the acid.
THEN THE MAGIC REALLY HAPPENED.
I don't think I could have predicted what was to come. There are several factors in place that I belive contributed to the intensity of the next 30 minutes. My room is a trippers playground. I have taken lots of k in it and have made it very comfortable to do so. I had taken foxy once and made some videos of myself with photobooth on my computer with my mirror right across from it where I was convinced I was living in a fractal. I have also had some incredible experiences on acid in combination with medicinal nitrous oxide in copious ammounts which led me to believe I had seen 'death' or 'nirvana'.
I told my friends I was going to take some K and if then wanted some, they declined. In about 3 minutes after taking a line of about 50 mg, I lost strength and fell on to my knees. the sedation was taking a hold very strongly, more than usual. In about 5 minutes I saw my hands shrink into children's hands. I have never experienced micropsia before but had read about in k trips. It was 100% convincing. Then my hands stretched out before me! And my room looked all distorted. The whole time I was relaying the effectd to S who was highly amused as she usually is with my drug experiences. I stand up and decide to document the happening with photobooth. I look over at her, across from me, sitting on my bed in the corner of the room. The corner where the walls meet becomes a new space, infinately deep, yet retains the edges. And the closeness of S remains as well, even though the space feels vast. I usually have the sense of the ceiling rising or myself sinking when lying down on K, but this was way beyond that. I take another line, losing strength again. But I manage to get up and look into the computer screen. It's very had to make out what is what. I can see myself but I am not really identifying with it. I know it is me, but its like seeing myself in a dream and remembering what Iook like, as opposed to recognizing my reflection. The mirror is there in the screen too. The music stops. S askes what is going on, meaning with me. I ask if the music has stopped. She puts her ear to the speaker. No, she says, its on. Listen. I put my ear to the speaker and there is another dimention in there. I really can't tell if I am hallucinating or not. Its pretty real. She convinces me its there. (It may be of importance to add that I found it very difficult to remember an artist and figure out how to play a dj mix by that artist, something that is easy to do usually. I couldnt really spell and his name was coming out all wrong. I was finally able to remember and told S and she figured it out) She says she has to go to the bathroom and leaves.
What happens now is really incredible. It is hard to remember in images what happened becuase of how synesthesiac the whole experience was. It would be incorrect to say that I 'saw' or 'heard' or felt' anything. It was more unified than that. What I experienced, anyway, was what I can only describe simply as travelling into myself. I was looking into the computer and any barriers that it had sort of disolved into a space through which I could travel. I faced myself and went in. I then looked away toward the door, wobbly at best and went through it. It was like entering another world. I saw my room mate P. He looked at me in amazement. My face said it all. I felt enlightened. I felt pure. I felt like I was touched by god. What I could see was so intensely psychedelic I belived anything was possible, like waking through walls or something. I picked up my hoola hoop, not completely convinced I had the motor ability to do it. (I usually don't on K but try anyways).
I began to hoola hoop smoothly. This was really something remarkable! My visual field separated in horizontal slices which then rotated independant of each other as I spun around with the hoop! The hoop itself extended far, far out and became huge and wide around me! I was flabergasted! Ketamine has given me some intense visual distortions and I have tried many incrimental dosages, but the acid must have some added clarity that the K alone cannot offer. I stopped and my visual field slowly circled back and came together somewhat. I stood there jaw dropped and tried to describe to P what I was seeing but he was just laughing! I suddenly remembered a time when I had a weather balloon and how trippy it was to bounce it when sober! I ran to my room to get a 3 ft baloon I had stashed. It was very confusing to find anything. After a while I found a smaller, clear balloon and it was very beautiful to look into it and the sound was interesting as well, but it was clear that the K was wearing off and I should redose. I went to my computer again to document another segment of the trip, knowing that it would be difficult to remember all of this. (Unfortunately I kept starting and stopping it and I feel I lost some valuable insights I had).
WORM HOLE/ SINGULARITY
I managed to put on a video by Matthew Barney that is very trippy and I thought S would enjoy it and it may stimulate me as well. I put it on an proceeded to cut up another 2 lines of k, maybe more like 120 mg total this time. I took a line and very shortly afterward fell to my knees and decide to lay down on the ground. S asked what was up and I remember saying that it was ' the essense of synesthesia, pure bliss.' I managed to get onto my bed. I looked at the screen. The image became a real fractal. I felt like I was in there, spiraling into infinity with the giant black dick that was part of the movie. I then had the sense to lay down beside S, because I knew that the K would paralyze me and I would be more comfortable this way. Looking at the ceiling, I could hear the familiar sounds of machinery and lubrication from the movie, but the visual field warped into these sounds. I had the most convincing sense that the sounds created the images I was seeing, that they were one. Then my body dissolved and I became one with it as well.
Up until this point I was doing a pretty good job at transcribing all of this to S. The last thing I described was a dark point I could see on the ceiling that looked real. Then I was too deep into it and it was too difficult or maybe impossible to speak. All of this was familiar to my previous experiences with K, but so much more vivid and intense and clear than I had ever known it to be. The ceiling had dimentions to it that were moving slowly and warping tubularly. The space here was very deep. I did not move my head. I don't think I could. I did not move my body either. There was no way to try. I definately have experienced this sensation before, S told me that it is the ketamine blocking the brains ability to sense the body. That it cannot read the body or tell it what to do. Soon enough, the tubular landscape turned into one tunnel and the hole at the end opened up to an image as I focused on it. It was a pool party with mens bums in speedos. What a bizarre thing to see. That was a little circle like a movie screen and then around it was a tube that reflected that screen, like a view finder or like looking through a kaliedescope.
This tubular vision was separate from a knowlede of self. It was as if I did not exist. I wanted to tell S that I had become my environment through focusing on it, but nothing came out. Maybe for some time I did not even think. Two main past events have informed my ideas of what this tube could be. I had taken acid with medicinal nitrous oxide before and had experienced what I thought was death. It was not scarey, it was in fact the most pleasurable experience I have ever had. It was the freedom of body and the bareness of conciousness. Apart from memories and real thoughts, it was the most 'now' feeling I ever knew. It was bliss. I could identify with that experience now quite a bit. The loss of time and memories and body were similar. The nitrous was more explosive, like an orgasm, while the K was more gradually sensual and contemplative until the singular point. The other thing that I could relate to is a video that my friend R made of a black hole.
R studies physics and computer science and had used some software to program a visual simulation that mathematically represents a black hole. It made me cry the first time I saw it because I was so sure I had seen it on nitrous oxide before. He also showed me images manipulated with the algorithms of worm holes, leading from one place to another and they look very much like what I had seen on K, just then. What does this mean? Did I really see a worm hole? Is that possible? Is it possible to travel through it if I had let go? Would I be able to leave my body once my mind I had detached from it?
When I was able to move again I told S that I think I had experienced Nirvana. She was happy for me. I don't actually know if that is what I had experienced, but the pleasure off lettiing go was so rich, it was like being reborn.
We were hungry and we left my room to make a snack. After that I sat down to think more about what had just happened. It was extremely difficult to sum it all up and relay back to S. I recall spurting out 'memories make things real.' She seemed to really understand this. She said she had a conversation about such a concept recently. I was thinking about the night before when anxiety over took me and I was trapped within my negative thoughts and ruminating on happenings of the past and fearing the future. In contrast, it made sense to me that when free from memories and bodity sensation, one is actually free, and that it made sense that this state was nirvana- like. But that it was also very real. I felt that it was possible to transcend this waking reality by letting go of the self, or the ego that is attached with memories.
Another important aspect of the night is the power of dance! I really feel like I danced away the blues! (I love cliches!) I do not think that the following trips would have happened on a clouded or negative conciousness, and that by dancing for many hours I was actually able to move the bad feelings and thoughts out and away from me and fill myself with possitive energy. When I 'traveled inside of myself' I came out feeling like a new born baby! I was vibrating with joy and rainbows! This was evidence that my mind was clear and free of the demons of the previous night. I am writting this largely due to the therapeutic aspect of the evening and I really hope to retain most of what I was able to learn here. This is not the first time I have had a 'rebirth' like experiece from taking LSD, and I haven't felt this good since the first acid/ nitrous trip a year and a half ago. In conclusion to that thought, it may be that I have to become deeply burried in worry over time to be able to feel so cleansed after the release. Hopefully It wont be so soon until this has to happen again, but at least I know it is possible to be cleansed.
I was able to relay to S another concept that I felt very strongly for as well. That in order for something to exist, it must have a bianary. I was trying to grasp the idea that without a sense of my surrounding world I began to dissapear, or at least my body did. There was no 'inside' vs 'outside' of me. As my physical appearance and body is the outside and my thoughts or conciousness are the inside. This was completely irrelevant. All the things about duality I have ever learned had significance in a new way, yin and yang, good and evil, life and death.
I feel now that my understanding of life is death. It is the experience of leaving the bodily dimension and entering a new and endless dimension of nowness. Infinity. This death is different from the death that we on 'earth' see when a relative passes away from us. The essence of life seems to lie within this balance of black or white or what have you. Only because I have had similar experiences to relate this one to, and because time has past since then and I have had a lot of time to think about it, can I feel this sure about how I feel now. I can't wait to try it all again and learn more!
AFTER...
The sun was coming up at around 7 or so and S went home. I took a couple tablets of melatonin and hoped it would help me sleep. I was exhausted. My body was strained from dancing and my head felt tight. Luckily I was able to fall asleep quite easily. When I woke up about or 6 hours later I felt crusty stuff on my face. I thought it was snot from the K that had dried but was shoked to discover that it was blood! I had quite a nosebleed. My nose was clogged with blood and snot. I felt faint and a bit nauseous. I layed down and my nose began to bleed. It bled lightly for a while, maybe a few hours. This I can definately attribute this to the K as I don't think I have ever had a nose bleed before and I don't think I have ever done so much K in one 24 hour period, (about a half gram). I wasn't worried though. T and I and some friends who were also at the dance party went and got lunch and took it to the park. It was a beautiful day and although I was totally wiped, I felt amazing. I went to sleep at 6 pm and slept until 10 am. Now I feel fine and my nose is clear as ever.
I enjoyed taking ketamine with LSD. If you enjoy either drug, they seem to compilment each other in a very interesting and complicated way. I enjoy the introspective aspects of K, LSD allowed me to go deeper and remember the experience more vividly. If you like the beauty and visual elements of LSD, K certainly takes them to the next level.
Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 93660 Gender: Female Age at time of experience: 25 Published: Oct 19, 2012Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2), Ketamine (31), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Various (28) -->