Defragmentation And Factory Restore1

DOSE: T+ 0:00 150 mg oral Tabernanthe iboga (extract) T+ 1:50 1 g oral Ibogaine
T+ 1:50 750 mg oral Tabernanthe iboga (extract)

       BODY WEIGHT:
   150 lb
     

Part Two: Later that year

This trip report will read a lot like the Seinfeld episode where time goes backwards, the end of the episode is at the start, and the start is at the ending.

I am a Beatles and Pink Floyd man and never thought native music would reach me. But all I listened to on ibogaine was native music from Gabon. These selections are the ones that really affected me on the experience so I ask you to play these songs when reading this. Maybe you will enjoy this music as much as I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWf2amOxyCQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niC5UmWa3cs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFLFJTqmZY4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cRQ...NXQKnF1lXAVyjM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyJ0...A6068BCAA562F1

Epilogue C:

4/29/13

I am working very hard to be at the point where I accept every word from another as a chance to reevaluate, and a challenge for me to defend my position, or open my mind to the idea it was wrong. A month ago or so I was telling people that I'll be opiate free for at last the next decade, only the perfect storm could change where I am at.

Now I am at the point where I do accept that ibogaine is FUCKING AMAZING and does work....but it still requires the user to operate heavy machinery. Ibogaine can be the grand reset button (with the right dose) but at some point the user has to accept responsibility for their path. Ibogaine cannot pilot the ship forever.....and who would want it too?

I can't speak for others but my ibogaine experience began with every trip I ever had....they all set the template and the mood. LSD, DMT, 1001 research chemicals, the whole lot were all 'training' for me. Ibogaine came into my life not just to free me from the conviction I had that my life was not worth anything without opiates....it came into my life to plant a seed in my brain that is growing, and I will work every day to continue nurturing it.

After the seed was planted and sprouted, I went on a 4 week period of 'reintroduction' surrounded by family who provided love and support and allowed me to just be, but also wanted to hear of my experience...and talking about it allowed me to rethink it all, look at where I am at, where others like me got too, and really take in the great divide between where I wanted to be, where I could be, and where I was at. In short, this was for me the 'follow up therapy' that every ibogaine practitioner says is NECESSARY for success. Without it, ibogaine is just as much a crap-shoot as taking LSD or any other psychedelic.

Then my oldest and dearest friend, sister, soul mate, etc....flew me out to sunny CA to remind me further, and to show me by example that working hard to be the best I can be will work...she showed me by simply being herself. The she reminded me of the fact that I turned her on to psychedelics when we were VERY YOUNG adults, and it changed where she wanted her life to lead...and man has that woman done/is doing SO MUCH.....and she reminded me that I turn on everyone I know, I always have, no one has ever had buyer's remorse...and maybe there is something more to it than I 'just like to trip.' I needed her affirmation. I am working to make all of those around me 'matter' but for so long; her opinion of myself was all I ever cared about. That she justified my path at that moment was probably more of a +4 than even the ibogaine.

The trip to CA showed me the life I want to live is all around me. Be it in CA, or where I am now, all I need to do is practice to better myself, keep the faith in the things I know to be true, share the knowledge I have learned, do not engage in bullshit, and with good intentions, all life around me will unfold in ways I could never foresee. It has happened every day since March 3rd, it gets stronger every day, and it has only begun. I know I will have pitfalls they are challenges along the way I will need to bridge in order to make the path I am on stronger. And every pitfall I overtake is a lesson I can share with those around me who need to hear it.

I know I am human, subject to the same fears and excesses anyone else is. But I also know the seed planted in my brain is all I ever will need again and as long as I work to continue on this path....nothing can ever change the way I see things.

The decade I spent in love with opiates and death was a necessary path I took, the reasons of which are still not clear....but I know it all happened for a very good reason and I would not change a thing. I also know every reason and every behavior pattern in my brain that made that life the one I wanted to live are no longer relevant to me today, I work hard to make it that way tomorrow, and I know everything is going to come out rosy for me.

Epilogue B:

3/13/13:

Now that it has been two weeks since my ibogaine experience has concluded, I feel much stronger about making sweeping announcements about the nature of the experience and what it did for me. As of today, I still make one or two new �epiphanies� about my new-found sobriety and the feeling of being free makes me higher than damn near anything.

Life has become very busy for lack of a better term. I seem left with little time to write about my experience nearly two weeks ago. Because pressing life issues unrelated to the subject of this report are currently eating at me, I feel little time to sit around and feel the joy and inner peace I now have since the demon was exorcised from me. But in the interest of giving word to those wondering how things worked out for me, I am going to try to write about what happened.

The utter disbelief at how complete this ibogaine worked for me is finally starting to fade. Here is the thing�I obtained the ibogaine specifically to relieve myself of the physical withdrawal from 10 years of opiate abuse. I never expected (or believed) it was possible to completely erase the part of my brain that loved, desired, and sought out opiates at the expense of relationships, finances, and health. I figured I would be left to deal with the nagging desire to get warm and fuzzy for the rest of my existence. But it seems that I do not have to. It still feels a bit weird to type but I swear my readers it is completely true:

As of today, I have no desire to ever use opiates again. The part of my brain that used to seek opiates for pain, pleasure, and all in between has been erased, reformatted, and no longer contributes to my programming.

To top it off, that pressing life issue (unrelated to MGS�s opiate addiction) I mentioned is giving me more stress now than I have ever experienced in my life. But not for a single second have I told myself that I can just buy some kratom or oxycodone and then things won�t bother me. The idea of taking an opiate to deal with my stress is absent, and even abhorrent to think about. It is as though the ibogaine went in and erased every opiate-taking instinct I ever had. This is nothing short of a miracle.

Finally some other unexpected observations post ibogaine therapy:

� I cannot smoke a cigarette. I still enjoy a puff from a pipe or smoking tobacco from a one-hitter but I have tried my own hand rolled (and expensive) tobacco and a friend�s Camels�and the results were the same�.the taste nearly made me puke. Never expected this or even wanted it, but now it is so. No more tobacco smoking for MGS, save for a puff from a pipe.

� As of today, I cannot eat beef or pork but I still enjoy eating bird meat, dairy, and eggs. Where on earth this came from, I have no idea. I have no moral objections to eating meat and I am convinced humans were not meant to be vegans. But sure enough post ibogaine, I have not been able to eat beef or pork and when offered meat at dinner, I almost became sick at the idea. Holy shit! In addition, I stopped eating prepared foods and have essentially gone on a all raw, except for chicken at dinner or eggs for breakfast. My digestion is far healthier now, I feel better than I have ever felt, and I think I even look better.

� I do not seem to �need� my amphetamine or lorazapam. The first couple days after taking the ibogaine I was extremely fatigued and resumed my dose of amphetamine in the morning and sleeper at night. But when my scripts ran out the other day I decided to try without. Sure enough all I seem to need now is a cup of coffee and I am working away. Sleep at night comes on its own, and I dream and awake refreshed. Now I cannot say I have no desire to ever use amphetamines or stimulants again.

I still look forward to the way speed focuses me into music production, or helps me focus deeply on writing. But I do not feel like I �need� amphetamine anymore and I am not sitting around longing for it now that my script is empty. Same with the lorazapam and every single reason I ever used benzodiazepines are no longer a reality for me, so continuing to take them does not make sense. Now I realize that save for marijuana or other �noids� I am now �drug free.� This was not something I expected from ibogaine or even wanted. But it now seems to be the reality.

I have always said (of people with addictions) that you haven�t quit until a year has gone by. Ok, so if I hold myself to that standard I can say that I am surer of anything that in a year I will still be free of narcotic addiction, and I will only be using other drugs with moderation. Ibogaine is more than a miracle isn�t it?

My best friend who was with me as I underwent this experience commented that he notices significant differences in my personality�this nearly two weeks past the therapy date. Specifically, the aura of sadness he ascribes to my personality is gone. He commented that I seem to have a new sense of optimism, even in the face of the new stressor I must now deal with, and a new ability to deal with life stressors that he never associated with my personality before.

3/5/13

Prologue:

It has been a while since I have written a trip report. Part of that is because I don�t take psychedelics much anymore, and I suppose part of that is because the rare times I do take one�it seems to be 2C-B or 2C-C. I love both of them, but neither tends to inspire me to write up compelling reports...they are very well known to me.

In the past year, I left my Colorado home to return to family and try to fix up the life I have all but managed to destroy for myself. The ever present struggle with opiates is a huge part of this �fixing up.� I have been mostly free of opiates in recent months, but I suffer greatly from Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). I do not sleep more than a few hours a night (if at all) and I live with constant anxiety and background stimulation. In the evening and at night I have no ability to relax and move past the constant tension my CNS and PNS make me live with. I have been unable to return to anything close to a normal sleep schedule, and unable to seriously consider looking for work while I am a sleep deprived zombie.

I first mentioned ibogaine to my family a year ago, and they were open to it. For reasons I still do not understand, I completely put it out of my mind soon after and all the months I had the money to buy grams of it�I never did. When I ran out of savings recently and had to quit buying kratom I went through some serious hell of withdrawal. Sure, that was not the same as withdrawal from prolonged heavy opium pod use, and nothing like withdrawal from suboxone�.but it was still more serious than I realized it would be and one night at 3:00am while laying there wide awake, fighting off the thoughts of going to the shop to buy kratom when the sun rose�I suddenly thought of ibogaine again.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote this.

�I am now past the acute sickness, but I sleep very little. Sometimes I am up for days. I do not mentally crave opiates, but my cells still scream for them like a person drowning needs that oxygen. As more time goes by, I see the benefits of being sober but that demon in me makes this unrealistic. I also realize that the amphetamines and opiates kind of all fit together in my particular type of poly drug addiction. Maybe even the pot does too. Ok, I don�t think speed and pot are �addictive� but they all do fit into a set of behaviors that always lead me back to opiate use, needle use, and finally giving up and wanting to die.

I�ve been aware of iboga since I was 13 and read of it in �Chocolate To Morphine.� And I have been thinking for months now of flooding my brain with ibogaine because nothing else in the past 10 years has ever moved me to help myself, nor have I ever been able to deal with the long term WD [withdrawal] stuff. I don�t think I really think ibogaine can 'cure' me but I am hoping for a �level playing field� so my cells don�t drive me so crazy I end up doing things I regret (relapse). I think ibogaine can at least make the idea of staying away from habitual opiate use realistic to me, where as I have never been able to achieve that before. I hope ibogaine will give me a better chance to achieving a circumstance where the decisions I make will finally lead to the elusive �self-contained state of happiness.�

A wonderful soul from long ago who knew of my pitiful financial situation offered to pay for the ibogaine, and with his blessing I ordered it. A long 2 � week wait, the package finally arrived. I asked my friend (B) to spend the night and be there just in case, and finalized the plans to eat the ibogaine later that night.

I took the first dose at about 1:50am on Friday. This was a 'test dose� of about 150mg �Total Alkaloid� (TA) preparation containing about 60mg-75mg ibogaine hcl. I took the first dose at about 1:50am on Friday. This was a 'test dose� of about 150mg �Total Alkaloid� (TA) preparation containing about 60mg-75mg ibogaine hcl.