DOSE:
Ibogaine
I hope I am doing this right lol I am new to making threads...here is my back story. I am 29 I have had an opiate addiction (meaning any and all opiates) and at about age 23 started shooting instead of snorting or PO. Also I switched to methadone maintenance which sucked the life out of me and began smoking crack. I hated hard so bad. Yet I had to smoke it cuz I had no energy from the methadone! I became even more depressed because I couldn't stop either. I thought life was bad just banging but good god add some coke in the mix and life is horrible. I tried the rehab route. They left me on vomit and pissy sheets all 4 days I was there. Checked myself out and shot up 10 min later! My husband found out about ibogaine via research for alternatives and found a clink! About a year later my taxes got direct deposited and the next day I bought my plane ticket and left Florida for Mexico. And that's where the story gets more rosy.
In preparation for ibogaine I switched from methadone to dilaudid 3 weeks in advance. When I got to Mexico I had exactly 3 days worth of meds so this HAD to work. I put everything into making this trip. Did my blood work and ekg and despite having hep c antibodies as do about 80% of bangers I was all good! I arrived on Saturday night got nestled in and Monday 10 am was my last dose. 60mg of blues. Of course I was in full detox by 7pm which was when they hooked me up to iv and ekg. I laid in bed anticipating my test dose! Most people stop wd with the test dose. Not my ass lol. I had to wait an hr for my first real dose! Still nothin!! Second dose another hr later still nothin!!! Finally she brings my 3rd pill and about 10:30 pm I was finally out of wd and the buzzing began.
Now I welcome the buzzing but at first I was fighting the sound. Scratching in my ear cuz it felt like bees flying in my ears. But it was a warm feeling not a harsh painful feeling. Then something came over my whole body and told to relax. And I even said out loud 'ok'. I remember my nurse saying 'what did you say?' Haha. All of a sudden I was pulled up really high then dropped into this big black space with no light what so ever. Now I know why the voice told me to relax. I was freaking out! I thought u was supposed to relax so he could show me something good!
I screamed for my nurse and asked her to hold my hand like a child. When I felt her hand touch mine I flung it away. I realized the outside world's energy was affecting my trip. We laughed about this the next day. I think it did comfort me to know she was there tho.
I felt like I was in this space forever but then I remember that voice told me to relax maybe I should try it...so I again let go over my ties holding me down and I was flung up into the air so high but i was not scared anymore. I was floating over a world that looked like earth but wasnt. It was just pure peaceful. People had relationships but didn't struggle. They just were and it was great. Then as soon as it began it ended and I was dropped back into the black! But this time was different I looked around relaxed expecting to go back up but was pushed even further below! All of a sudden I was in a wooden canoe of sorts floating through lava. These dry lava rock monsters began attacking my body (the only time I see my body during my trip, it was covered with rock as well). I was fighting them at first and they kept trying to pull off what I thought was my armor. Then the only voice I ever heard during my trip screams 'stop fighting we are trying to get the methadone off of you! 'So what I thought was my protection was really just a heavy weight and I had to go back to my personal hell for them to be able to remove it! As soon as the last piece was removed from my right arm I was so light that I flew back up over the earth like plant and this time I was so light I could feel the air and see the colors.
My only other visions was my watching 7mm frames float through my view. Pictures of my grandma and grandpa who meant the world to me, a picture of my mother when she was in college (my favorite pic of her), and then a picture of my sister. Then a picture of my kids and husband floated in front of me over and over and his voice came out and said the last thing he said to me before I left 'Just come back home to us baby'. Then I would fly over that planet and the pictures would replay.
I was abused at an early age and thought that was a big part of my addiction but what I realized and was told telepathically is that it was simply me making bad decisions. I already had the closure to those problems and that I need to mend the issues that I had now. I know that might be depressing to some people to hear it's your fault you are fucked up but I felt relieved!! I could fix myself I can fix the other people that I blamed so this could be repairable!!! I was actually excited.
My trip ended much earlier than the other in my clinic. By 5:30 am I was up on my feet and wanted a shower. I wanted to talk to my husband and tell him I was sorry. It was my fault! But it was too early in the morning and he was watching our 3 kids by him so I could get clean. So I impatiently waited till 11:30 my time to call home. I felt like crap for 3 days. The most intensive restlessness I've ever endured but guess what?! No withdrawls!!! I later found out I could have taken xanax to get thru which I would have had I known!! I didn't sleep at all until the 3rd day. The 3rd day I slept in 2 hr increments maybe got a total of 5 hrs of sleep. It was horrible but so worth it. I truly believe if I hadn't gone through my mental transformation I would have relapsed. I have not used since.
I have to be honest I have been picking up the pieces to the puzzle I messed up while on drugs so it has not been cake walk since arriving home. But this time I'm dealing with my problems sober! I haven't been sober since I was 18! The moral of the story is I want to let people know you can get off methadone. Ibogaine is way less work than rehab and more fulfilling. It is so worth it tho!!!
Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 103610 Gender: Female Age at time of experience: 29 Published: Jan 2, 2016Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Ibogaine (28) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Addiction & Habituation (10), Hospital (36) -->