So this is an in depth version of the overdose that i talked about in my last story but before i start this i want to say that suicide is never the way out and neither are drugs you can do it i promise you
Basically i was a heavy MDMA user using every week and having up to 1 gram at the age of 15 this is incredibly stupid and no one should do it like that i suffered from depression caused by an abusive dad and it got to the point where i was suicidal i wanted to die and i wanted my dad to realise what he did
i searched up online and found out around 2 grams should be enough to kill you so i bought 4 gram telling everyone it was for a party and everyone believed me
walking home that night with the 4 grams of MDMA in my pocket i was terrified i kept saying "am i really going to do this, has it come to this?" but i told myself that there was no other way to end this abuse from my dad and this abuse of MDMA
i reached my mums house and told her i felt quite ill so she would leave me alone i took the MDMA into my room crushed it up and sniffed it up as fast as i could after about 10 minutes i am in tears throwing up everywhere then i feel the MDMA come up and suddenly i feel at ease and lie in bed i do not know how long i was lying down for but my vision went so distorted and eventually black my mind was empty i could not think i don't know what i looked like or what i was doing because i was not aware of that
but then i managed to collect a thought through all this and i thought of a certain friend(let's call him O) i thought of everything O had told me about MDMA and how he's worried about me i suddenly wake up it's early in the morning and i'm drenched in sweat covered in sick and i sit up and break down i couldn't believe what i had just attempted at the age of 15 fucking 15 years old and i tried to kill myself i get myself up and prepare to tell my mum
i walk out my door and see my mum downstairs she tells me she could tell i was using it in the house and with tears running down my face i told her what i had done she stared at me then i see her lip tremble and she breaks down she's in pieces and comes over and holds me tight she tells me how that it is never the right thing to do and i should always tell her if i feel like that she held me tight for what seemed like hours then i realised how much people really do care
i only just properly opened up about this to my friends a few days ago and the support i've had is immense and makes me glad i never overdosed my friends don't deserve to be put through that
But here i am starting on a clean slate alive and healthy and i finally think i can be happy
thank you for reading, and to anyone thinking about suicide or overdose. don't it's never the answer and if all you need is a chat feel free to message me
there is always someone who will show you love i will be that person if there is no one else x