I started smoking weed everyday when I turned 18, I had a job and I could afford to smoke whenever I wanted. Problem was, I had been depressed since the age of 16 and the weed wasn't helping; in retrospect I believe it was making things worse.
It got really bad, to the point where I was looking for someone to off myself with. 19 at this point I had this old high school acquaintance that agreed but when the date came she was too scared. I felt I was backed into a corner, I needed an escape.
I was at the store buying a pack of cigarettes and I looked over and saw a bottle of tussin. I bought the bottle of tussin with the vague recollection that people can trip on this stuff. I did some last minute research to make sure I got the right stuff. The bottle had 200mg of dxm total, I downed it.
I was laying in bed waiting for it to kick in alone at my moms. I started feeling warm and fuzzy like an opiate. I got up and realized I was drunk, I go look in the mirror to check my pupils and they were huge. I began rubbing my face as it was numb and began shouting "Oh my God, I'm drunk on robitussin!" I ran downstairs and looked at the back yard and the scenery was beautiful, I had never seen such beauty and I began to cry tears of JOY.
I had been depressed for 3 years and suddenly I was happy. This sparked my curiosity in hallucinogens and I began soul searching, looking for a purpose in life, mind you I was an atheist at the time. I was juggling a full time job and a creeping dxm addiction.
After a psychotic break, I got some paid time off of work and that's when my best friend introduced me to LSD. I was at her apartment and she gave me one tab of acid. Nothing happened, absolutely nothing happened. It was only months later, after proper time to process what happened that I realized I indeed was tripping. Problem was every time I did LSD I wouldn't realize I was tripping until after the trip. I decided I was ready for 10 hits.
My mom doesn't really care about my drug use especially acid as she had seen me tripping before and thought it was better than how dxm made me so she took me to buy it. I ate the strip in the car and we were on our way to Walmart to do some shopping, thought I had about 45 minutes for that shit to kick in, NAH shit kicked in in like 15-20min. I collapsed in Walmart and got taken out in an ambulance. Got put in a psych ward inpatient due to prolonged psychosis. I didn't understand what was going on, the doctors are trying to tell me that I can't use hallucinogens because I have schizophrenia and I'm triggering psychotic episodes every time.
At this point I had around 5 LSD experiences and 30-40 dxm trips under my belt. Being drawn to the dark side I pick dxm over classical hallucinogens because I could use it all the time, and I had lost my job from being in the hospital too long without so much as a phone call to HR. I began this cycle of taking dxm, being psychotic for weeks on end after dosing only once and my mom having to take me inpatient.
I ended up getting a 1/4 of golden teachers and splitting it 50/50 with a buddy. I got 3.5g and they got 1.75g each just about. My brain felt like it was frying and my friend is having the time of his life and I'm just retarded, literally slow and I was eating these cookies and I would get flashes of color and I could feel sand in between my toes as if I was walking on a beach. Mind you we were downtown. But I felt like I was walking on a shore of knowledge. And what I gained is that the universe doesn't revolve around me, it revolves around everyone. God has infinite power and infinite wisdom and therefore he can be equally involved in everyone's life and he is.
I still have a psychological dependence on tripping though my tripping should be long over. Hallucinogens most definitely caused my schizophrenia, I did have a predisposition which is well known in my family, but who knows if I could have lived a normal life if I hadn't started tripping.
Let this be a cautionary tale. If you know you have a predisposition to mental illness don't touch these powerful drugs, don't think for a minute that these people that have tripped all their lives have had better lives than someone who works hard and who's purpose is their work ethic and knowledge. However if you decide to try any hallucinogen approach it with great respect as this class of drugs is not as forgiving as marijuana. This is sober day number 1 don't wish me luck, give me your blessing.