DOSE:
repeated
smoked
5-MeO-DMT
(powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT:
65 kg
I experience almost exactly the same thing every time I smoke 5-MeO-DMT, so this is not the description of one specific experience, but rather a recomposed puzzle of remembrances from various experiences.
I smoke it in a regular pipe with some ash under and over it. I inhale as much as I can to be sure to get everything in, although it usually feels that everything's already vaporized after only 5-6 seconds. I lost some time trying the light bulb method which turned out much less efficient and easy on the throat than a regular pipe.
I was quite anxious and slowly upped the dose over a long period to avoid bad surprises.
The sub-breakthrough doses were quite unpleasant and at some point I thought I would give up on it. But fortunately, the next dose, that I tried anyway because my curiosity surpassed my fear, brought me just to the threshold of the breakthrough, and turned out quite euphoric.
So I jumped in, thinking I was probably going to hell but wanting to know what hell was like anyway.
And this time and every time after, I've only had extremely positive experiences.
The few times I've had a sub-breakthrough doses after my first breakthrough have all been neutral to pleasing. So the easy and obvious conclusion is that the bad feeling of my first tries was only due to the anxiety I was creating myself, and not to the 5-MeO-DMT itself.
As soon as I put the pipe down, the effects start. For around 3 seconds, I feel the effects of a half dose and wonder if maybe I didn't smoke it all and I won't breakthrough this time. But before I can wonder about it any longer, I'm there. I don't feel it come, it's instantaneous. One instant I'm in my room, the next instant I'm somewhere else. I don't feel the transition.
If the experience builds up to a climax, I don't feel or remember it. I just feel I've been dropped at its pinnacle. I'm not aware of where I am or what just happened anymore, I'm just aware of the experience I'm undergoing.
It sounds as ego death, but I have the sentiment that it's not being stripped of my ego as on Ketamine as much as being just too overwhelmed by the sensation to have the slightest thought going on in my head. I have the feeling that my ego is still here somewhere, but that I'm too overpowered to make any sense of anything, to think anything, or even remember I can think. The 5-MeO-DMT may not strip me of my ego, but it sure strips me of any capacity to use it or recognize it.
The most beautiful fractals replace everything in my vision. They're always the same, with morphing shapes of blue, grey, black and green; and hints of other colours, but it's hard to understand which. Anyway, the experience is so overwhelming that I don't even notice the visuals. I just realize they're here when I start to come down. By themselves they could be one of the most worthy experiences. But compared to the other aspects of the experience, they become insignificant.
The experience is uniform : total and utter bliss.
On Ayahuasca, I've felt I had reached the state of utter bliss. On 5-MeO-DMT, I become it. I am not 'in a state', I am this state.
The sensation is not physical, it's emotional.
The only thing that hints at a physical sensation is a feeling of unbelievable freshness; as if a wind was blowing through every atom of my body, and between every particle of those atoms. So actually, it doesn't feel as if my physical body was feeling this freshness, but as if I was feeling with my soul instead of my body.
And my soul is in a state of ecstasy that no one can imagine without living it.
The experience is simply impossible to describe because it doesn't compare to anything in our world. I'd like to say that it's the most overwhelming experience imaginable, but the word overwhelming pales pathetically compared to the reality of the experience... which is not imaginable anyway. This sensation doesn't exist in our world or in our wildest dreams and there are no words to start describing it. It's not any more possible to imagine it than it is possible for a blind person to imagine what sight is like. We could call it bliss, but we would then be mistakenly tempted to compare it what we call bliss in this world.
And it just doesn't belong to the same scale. If the scale of sensations in this world goes from �10 (absolute pain) to +10 (bliss as we can experience it), then 5-MeO-DMT brings me to +100.
It's impossible to think while undergoing the experience, but somehow, it feels as reaching 'the goal'.
This is it. I didn't even know there was such a goal, but now I am experiencing it. This is IT. What? impossible to explain. We're shown something too far out from our range of understanding to fathom what it means, but it leaves a feeling that it was IT. The goal, the answer, the solution. Absolutely unusable. As if being shown the book containing the explanation of everything... but in a language I don't understand. Yet it was just here, and I've seen it.
I don't believe in God, but I can't compare it to anything short of having had my soul embrace god and blend with its essence. And spiral with it.
After this phase, that only lasts around 5 minutes, the effects lessen suddenly to a lower stage where I'm again very well aware of my surroundings and of having smoked 5-MeO-DMT.
My first confused thoughts are very often the same. I often think that the whole town is aware of what happened. What happened was so strong for me that imagine the neighbours have seen an explosion of visuals coming out of my room, that people on the other side of town have felt that something extraordinary was happening in this house.
And during those confused instants, I just think 'well, they have to know anyway. Everyone has to know that such a thing exists. Actually, they must have understood already'.
Actually, I know that I make pretty crazy sounds; very high pitched moans. So maybe some of my neighbours indeed have heard them one time.
I also often imagine that my parents, 5h away from here, have felt it. That my mom woke up knowing what was happening to me. And I think that I have to call them, tell them to cancel what they had to do and come here to see it by themselves.
And then afterwards, every time I realize it's a bit ridiculous, that they wouldn't understand what I'm experiencing as I imagine just seeing me could show them. But still, every time my first thoughts are again that I want my parents to come immediately and see it, as if I was rediscovering the experience for the first time.
The effects then fade away over 5 more minutes with tides of visuals still embracing my visions every now and then.
And because during the pic I was unable to think, I often feel that I've let the experience escape me, as when the summer ends and I think 'dammit, I should have enjoyed it more'. That's why, even if I may find it the most worthwhile experience, I hesitate to consider it the most valuable of psychedelics.
The experience in itself has no more a price than the life of a person. To use the same image again, it's like allowing a blind person to see for just 5 minutes.
But, although the afterglow is extremely positive for the moral, it's hard to come back with concrete insight from this wild trip. the roller-coaster ride may be faster and crazier, but I don't learn as much as when looking around from the big wheel (Ayahuasca in my case).
Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 52311 Gender: Male Age at time of experience: Not Given Published: Aug 1, 2006Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
5-MeO-DMT (58) : Alone (16), Retrospective / Summary (11) -->