DOSE: T+ 0:00 640 mg oral DXM (liquid) T+ 5:44 joints/cigs smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes
BODY WEIGHT:
192 lb
This trip started on a whim. I had separated some DXM poly using water, and had kept it wintered in the freezer for a long time. After being disappointed with my dreams the previous night, and with myself in general, I thawed and chugged the greater portion of my preparation. In retrospect, I would say it was an act of self-hate. The mirtazapine I had taken the night before was not fully out of my system. This probably jacked the trip up a few notches due to an enzyme shortage.
7:00 pm Ingested 3/4 large bottle DXM poly (approximately 640mgs, due to wastage)
7:40 pm Feeling first effects
9:15 pm Really going strong now. I've had some intestinal distress, but I think I'm getting better. Was moderately uncomfortable through the movie, 'Platoon.' It almost seemed like nausea, but not quite. Got the yawns, but wasn't tired. Sort of getting that 'family feeling' that I get sometimes on DXM. Where the connections between family members - especially mine - seem more important. Like nodes connecting people. No, people are the nodes. Like flashing beacons communicating in the darkness. A hissing in my ears. Tinnitus. Getting that laggy feeling whenever I move my head. Tactile sensation is slightly divorced from my central receiving center.
9:53 pm Still a long way to go, huh? Time is starting to sttrrreeeetttcch ouut. No discomfort, except for some gurbly burblies down below. Might have to experience the bathroom for a few more minutes. Nope, not yet. Closed-eye visuals are faint, but definitely there. Recent activities have obviously influenced the visuals, for I see branch-like canyons. The high parts are reddish, the low parts are blue. They rotate. It turned into vertical static, and I can see the center of my vision where the rods and cones have been burned-out slightly. Why is is so much easier to see these things on DXM? Is the DXM burning my eyes, or just letting me see where my eyes have been burned? Yep, I'm still a ward of the loo. Now the canyons are filled with snow. Each ravine holds a pocket of resistance, and it looks like white branches thrust into the sky. I wish I could type with my eyes closed! Lots of tiny dots. They started forming deep-cut ravines of an even finer degree. My inner space became spacious, and the ravines looked like they were behind a gauzy material. I could bump this high up with pot, but I'm afraid! It's at a manageable level now.
10:17 pm Time really is moving slowly. I think I will do some programming.
10:21 pm Snip! I just mercilessly hacked away a big chuck of code. I made a backup so its NBD.
10:31 pm Cool CEVs now. Dots on a landscape. Mounds of dirt. Regolith. Rotating, spinning into a staticky spiral. There's always static, it seems.
10:44 pm After a large modification to my program, I was presented with a black window instead of the terrain I had expected. Pure black, but it looked mottled with slowly moving blue chunks. Everything appears to be morphing slightly in my visual field. I find myself asking, 'what is consciousness?' Surely its more than the sum of its parts. Just an electrical field inhabiting gray matter? Why do I always go here? I should be happy to be conscious period! Yes! But it seems like I'm a cluster of electrons laying about on some neurons somewhere. Out there, amongst the elements. It's starting to get really intense.
10:54 Whoah, CEVs are like red duckweed swirling on a purple pond. But my questions about life and consciousness are terrible to behold!
10:58 Crap, what have I done? I'm getting shaky from the fear present in me now. My arms are tingling and I'm blowing on my sweating hands. In out, in out. Even breathing, that's what will help me. I tried smoking a cigarette two minutes ago, but couldn't get past the second puff. I was smoking it outside in the illumination from my window. Patterns everywhere, that weathered hillside showing up again. When I stubbed the ember with my fingers, the ashtray felt like it was at the wrong level. My hand felt somewhat disconnected.
11:04 Whew, feeling better now. Maybe the breathing or typing helped. Oh crap, it's going to be a hard night, I better get some more food into me!
11:10 Hah! I love it! I was programming, but then I closed my eyes to see lots of little stalks in a field, spindly stalks with spheres on top. The whole scene started to rotate, and other patterns started coming in and soon everything was rotating clockwise. Then, by an act of will, I started everything rotating counterclockwise! Well, I think its cool to control CEVs anyway.
11:19 As it turns out, I can rotate objects in my mind's eye in all directions, at will. When I close my eyes, there is light everywhere, especially near the edges. Less light right in front for some reason.
11:27 More geological patterns. Sometimes it's like seeing how strata is formed within layers of rock. The nitty gritty, the understuff. Sometimes it's like I'm not even high at all, except for the patterns I see. But then it becomes overwhelming again. I was about to smoke a cigarette out of joy, but I may hold off.
11:35 It's possible to focus the inner eye. Those pattern-making phosphenes are at it all the time, and it might just be possible to see them more clearly without drugs. A sort of inward focusing, a kind of muscle movement. I'll go from seeing the CEV's in high-res, grainy, and then everything blurs out into more general forms.
11:46 Oh wow. The visuals are even more extreme. I'll see what looks like sediment flowing, flowing, then it stops! It stops completely as it settles into a form. Like thoughts crystallizing right before my eyes. Bits of texture liquifying, solidifying. I keep seeing zig-zaggy lines under suspicious words. I've been spell-checking myself in Windoze Nosepad this whole time, and don't plan to edit it tomorrow
11:58 Hoo! It's ramping up in intensity. Steady breathing is the key. Never forget. iiiiinnnnn ooooouuuuuttttt iiiiinnnnn ooooouuuuuttttt
12:04 (am) This drug helps combine imagination and visuals to great effect. I don't always get to choose what I see, but I always get to manipulate it somehow. Some of these visuals have a very fine degree of resolution. This drug helps combine imagination and visuals to great effect. I don't always get to choose what I see, but I always get to manipulate it somehow. Some of these visuals have a very fine degree of resolution.