before i start, please don't tell me it was a stupid amount of mdma that i took. i know it was too much and i know my body will be fucked for a while and i'm not gonna roll for a long time! i've never had a real psychedelic experience except from 2cb, which was light. i'll also say that i tested all my pills and all of them were mdma.
the night started with taking a 250mg pill, everything is normal at this point. i then took another 250 mg pill before peaking on the first one. i can't remember when i took the others but i took both a 280mg and a 125mg pill. they were around the time the second pill was peaking.
now the first initial thing that happened was an insane amount of gurning and eye rolls/twitches. i never really experience gurning only eye rolls so it was really uncomfortable for me. i've seen my friends chew their lips to bits so i was stopping myself doing it with gum.
now this is where it starts to get weird, i couldn't see anything that was close to me that had light. the TV was straight white and the same with my phone, but i could read and see them perfectly with my peripheral vision. anyways i'm chilling in the chair for awhile listening to music with my friends. i have no idea how long it was, it felt like 1 minute but we played like 15 different songs when we decide to have a joint. i don't really smoke weed when i'm sober because it always makes me feel like complete shit but it's fine when i'm rolling.
anyways we finish the joint and decide to go back inside, i struggle standing up and i instantly fall over as soon as i try and take my first step. the moment i hit the floor i felt myself hit the floor kinda on my right side but outside of my body? then i felt the contact on my actual body, and then after on the left side of me, again out of body. at the same time my eye sight would change and i'd see to the right/left side of me. it felt like i was seeing out of another pair of eyes for the split second. anyways i got myself up and barely walking, almost falling every step, luckily it was just up some stairs to get back inside.
once inside i sat on the couch with my girlfriend on my lap, and i'm not joking when i say this but it felt like i wasn't there. every single thing was breathing getting bigger and smaller, the tapestry on the ceiling was entirely flat and bright red (it's actually orange and green) and everybody's skin was red and everything felt like it was watching me, like i even felt like the xbox was staring at me. i dealt with this by looking down at my lap, hugging my girlfriend while she was on the right side of my lap. i started to panic but i stopped myself because i knew it would make everything worse.
this is where the triple feeling thing started again, i decided to let it overtake my body and i started seeing stuff from different perspectives. i could see the room we were in from a different pov, it was over all the top of us all but past our room was just black, the ceiling was black, so it was like we just had a floor and walls that were warping around and we were in just a black void with nothing else.
i suddenly came back into my own mind with my friend saying my name, he asked me why it looked like i was crying. i said "idk i'm fine" and let it overtake my body again, this time it kept replaying something that i can't remember, like over and over again and between the times it replayed i was becoming conscious again for a second, then drifting off again. i must point out that i could think completely fine when in this state, i remember thinking 'i'm dying. i took to much mdma and i've killed myself infront of my friends'.
at the same time i was looking at humans being made, like it must have been thousands of humans standing on conveyor belts going somewhere (like abe's oddysey if you've played it" and my mind was inside one of the humans, and in my mind was just code. the code started with >k0 or something and that's when i left my human on conveyor belt mind and went into a different pov. i don't know where because i remember thinking i was dead again. i was thinking about what's passed the universe and it was actually making sense to me. i kept hearing stuff like "shh, all we need to do is give him the _____ and he'll be fine", and the blank part was just like something made up like words i've never heard in my life, not even english or any recognisable language.
i don't remember anything else, everything is just a blur, i don't know how long it took for me to wake up and i don't know how long i was out for. my friends told me i was talking to nobody and making scenarios up in my head but other than that i was completely fine-looking. if i'm fucked i tend to not hide it, you can clearly tell, so it was weird for my friends telling me i looked and sounded okay.
that's my story, the rest of the night was fine, i was clear headed with just some light closed eye visuals. i've only ever experienced 2cb so this was a massive jump from that. i don't know if i should point this out or not, but i've always struggled with suicidal thoughts in my life, attempted a couple times but never succeeded and i can honestly say this experience has taught me that i don't want to die. i don't want to be alone. i want to be surrounded by people i love and that love me. it was extremely scary but i guess i kept my cool. if you have any similar experiences or know what happened, please let me know. i feel like i know more about the universe and death more than an average person, lmao. anyways thanks guys.