DOSE:
repeated
insufflated
Heroin
(powder / crystals)
repeated
insufflated
Ketamine
(powder / crystals)
repeated
smoked
Cannabis
(plant material)
BODY WEIGHT:
125 lb
I did ketamine and heroin together for three days straight. I was doing heroin on a daily basis and had been doing so for about ten days. I scored some ketamine from a friend of mine and was excited because I hadn't done it in four years. My first experience with it had been unforgettable. I had experienced a sense that all time is now that I had never come close to any other way. There was no past and no future, just that moment.
My friend who I met when he just started talking to me randomly on the subway one night after I'd smoked crack in Harlem called me and invited me over to his friend's house. I'd been in my room doing heroin alone for a few days so I was excited to get out. I get to his house and we do some dope together. I'm doing lines, but he's just doing bumps. The last time I'd seen him, I'd only done heroin twice, and a month or so later, I was doing it every day.
He breaks out some K, and we do some lines of that, and suddenly I'm in a completely different reality. If I'd been at a club I would have lost it completely. I had no recollection of even doing that K, but I must have otherwise I wouldn't be so messed up. He has to go meet someone else to get something else, so I stay at his friend's house by myself (his friend was out of town). I love to dance, but I can't usually dance on heroin. With the addition of K though, I danced to the trance radio station for a few hours. He came home around 6am, and we smoked some weed and hung out and watched TV.
I usually loathe TV, but in this state of mind I found it hilarious that anyone could derive any meaning or pleasure from watching it. Everything on TV seemed so base and unintelligent and unenlightened. Usually that scares me and disgusts me. I hate thinking about how the majority of Americans waste their time being brainwashed by that meaningless dribble and having their insecurities fed by advertisements yet support the war on terror and the war on drugs, but in this state I was able to watch TV and find it really funny. Not funny as in I was engaged in the story line of the show and was laughing along with the laugh track, but funny in an I can't believe people watch this way. I hadn't had fun watching TV in 6 or 7 years. So we sat around and made fun of the TV for a while, then I had anal sex for the first time, and then I got really sick from the heroin and puked face down, which happens to me sometimes. So I'm like, just your friendly neighborhood DJ here watching TV and upchucking, and he thinks that I have to go back to my apartment because this is really unacceptable behavior.
We take the train back to my apartment, and the walk there is really great. The sun is so bright and I just keep thinking about how much dope I have in my purse and how high we are and how everyone else who's going to work or school is just wasting their lives. He gets to my house, and I give him money for some more K and some MDMA, and then he leaves. I call some friends of mine to see if they want to buy some of the MDMA, nod off, wake up, do some more dope and a tiny line of K, and I dance around my apartment for a while, then nod off again. At this point I really love my life, even though I have to move out of my apartment because my roommates said that if they ever caught me shooting up heroin in the house they would kick me out and I can't sit around waiting for that moment to happen.
Luckily I have a plane ticket to visit my parents in a few days so that will give me some time to recuperate from all the partying I've been doing and make a new plan. I'm anticipating walking into my mother's trailer all fucked up from all the drugs I've been doing and totally pissing her off and causing a huge scene. I can't wait to set foot in my little midwestern hometown looking all freaky and strung out.
About 24 hours later my friend who doesn't do heroin comes home. He's into cocaine, but not heroin, which I find nonsensical. This kid Dotty and I have been tripping on hallucinogenics and smoking weed together on and off for years, so we know each other pertty well and are used to each other in drug states. He gave me my nickname, and I consider him my brother. We used to sell weed together, but time had changed our relationship. The first time I did ketamine was with him. He has more experience with it than I do. I tell him that I have some and he gets really excited. We're all nervous about the experience. It's cute. We have a really long conversation about what room to do it in and what we want to listen to. We debate the merits of the bedroom versus the living room and decide on the bedroom. I was against that because I'd been secretly doing dope in there and I thought it would be too weird to hang out in there with him, but actually it was fine.
We saw Psychic TV together so we put on one of their albums, even though we'd already listened to it a few times. That would make it easier to compare the change in state. We lay in his bed in the room that we share and do the Ketamine together. We don't do it all at once. We start off with two big lines and leave a little to get ourselves down with. I don't get as confused or as messed up as last time. I'm able to have more lucid realizations. I see the K hole and I warn him not to get stuck in it. I don't want to get stuck in it either. I visit the candy universe, which I also visited two days ago. There is no universe until the candy universe. All other universes pale in comparison. My vision separates into boxes. Everything is set apart from everything else by really sharp right angles which do not exist in nature. I try to touch him but he gets really defensive and doesn't want to be touched.
I can understand not wanting to deal with physical tactile contact that may or may not be sexual under the influence of this drug. It's like just another complicated thing you have to try to piece together when it's so much easier to just lay back and stare at the ceiling and listen to music. We smoke about two grams of marajuana together out of a pipe and listen to some Felix da Housecat. I start to withdraw from the heroin a little, and so while he's in the bathroom I do another line because I don't like to do heroin around people who don't do it but I need to do some right then, so I just do a quick line off my dresser that I had hidden under some paper.
All of a sudden, everything changes from bright sparkling white to green. I have never experienced anything that profound or inarguably real and irreversible in my life. It was like the color scheme of the entire universe shifted in under five seconds. It was like the background color that I wasn't even consciously aware of, the underlying colors of everything, just up and changed and there was no going back. It was actually horrible and scary at the moment because I knew that I was no longer sharing consciousness space with him; I was just in my own head as I have always been. In retrospect, it was amazing. When it was happening, I ran into the kitchen of our apartment and grabbed the stove and started kicking it and yelling 'I feel a thousand miles away from everything'. I was really angry at myself but I didn't know why. He said 'calm down, I feel a thousand miles away from everything too' but I felt a thousand miles away from everything and a thousand miles away from HIM as well because of the secret line of heroin. I wanted to be honest with him about it, but he didn't want me to be honest with him about it.
I knew that it was one of my last nights in the apartment, so that added a tinge of sadness to the experience. I would never again experience waking up and living in those four walls. However, doing the K with him was pretty much the only thing that brought us together at that time and allowed us the remote possibility of remaining friends. I'd fallen in love with a heroin user and was using heroin heavily myself and all of my other friends who were also all moderate to heavy drug users were turning against me because of it, but at least Dotty and I were able to have this one intense shared experience to keep our souls united, even if he didn't want to be my chemical brother anymore.
I read that LSD, shrooms, foxy, and DMT are like birth and that ketamine is the death side of the same cosmic chaos equation, and somehow that makes complete sense. I paid rent on the apartment so that he could continue to live there without heroin using me and went to my mom's house a thousand miles away to recuperate. Someone called her and told her that I'd gotten messed up on heroin so she put me in the psychiatric unit to set an example for my little brother who I did cocaine with a few days before (him and his friends procured it), but I checked myself out Against Medical Advice (which was fun). Fortunately, I have enough money saved up to go back to New York City and rent an apartment by myself which is what will really make me happy anyways, so the whole heavy drug users discriminating against the dope heads isn't that big of a deal.
For all of you out there who drink alcohol, smoke weed, do cocaine, and trip on psychedelics and take MDMA, please remember that the heroin people aren't that different than you. They're just open-minded about this one thing that you're not open-minded about and that's all. Don't assume that someone on heroin is going to steal from you, especially if that's never even happened to you. I have stolen stuff, but mainly from big corporations, and never intentionally from my friends, but I have lost their stuff while high on pot before. There are a lot of negative myths about heroin, which is really sad, because heroin rocks. It helped me to discover my body and to get my mind unrepressed. Heroin also helped me to discover my latent musical talent and has helped my DJing immensely, plus it's a lot of fun.
Psychedelics left me feeling like my mind was part of the universal mind, but the other side of that coin is this feeling like my mind is locked away in a vault with all the other minds and that it doesn't really belond to me, it's more like this concept that I can almost reach out and touch. Psychedelic experimentation left me feeling very disembodied and heroin fixed that for me. I suddenly knew that I'd earned a body by being willing to risk dying to feel that pleasure and that flesh. The OD risk is blown out of proportion anyways; if heroin were legal the purity would remain constant which would almost eliminate the risk of an accidental overdose not to mention that if your friends are around when you're doing heroin they will get you to the hospital even if it means that the police have to come into your house which is yet another reason why it sucks that my friends refused to try doing heroin with me. Heroin also helped me to discover that I'm a tranny, but no one really cares about that, they just think that heroin is bad and that I'm bad.
And I am bad. So what? I don't care. I was having fun, that is, until my mom decided I was crazy and tried to have me institutionalized, but even that doesn't matter because I met another musician in the psych ward and we're going to collaborate so whatever. I made a shirt that says Hare Krishna on it with a big H for heroin and a big K for Ketamine because both are special and the combination is excellent and now I'm a hare krishna kid and nothing is ever going to change that. No one knows what the shirt is about but me and a few others in the know. I find that so funny that I actually rolled on the ground laughing thinking about.
Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 30429 Gender: Not Specified Age at time of experience: Not Given Published: Feb 5, 2004Views: Not Supported [ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Ketamine (31), Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Glowing Experiences (4), Multi-Day Experience (13), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17) -->