Edit: paragraphs. Tl;dr beautiful SP experience
Just 4 months ago I had my first encounter with San Pedro in the Sacred Valley, and I was blown away. So, when I heard about a retreat in southern Europe led by a reputable practitioner from Cusco, I jumped at the opportunity!
The location was idyllic, the hosts were warm and welcoming; the setting was perfect. I had found my first San Pedro experience to be much more enjoyable and recreational than any other psychedelic, but I use psychs primarily for spiritual growth and healing; I knew where I was at with my journey and I knew what my intention was, so my mindset was good too.
There was a tarot wheel in the park and I spun twice, I got Judgement and Fool. I didn’t know anything about tarot until I’d returned home and looked up the meanings, and my cards (along with the final spin I did later that day) have a personal relevant meaning to me.
It was a fine day, and we sat in a circle on the grass beneath some trees. Ceremony started at 10h. It was conducted very well, with some useful insights given before drinking, which had brought tears to my eyes. There were around 30 of us, I was around 10th to drink. This was in powdered form, so unlike the tea I had drunk in Peru. It was grainy, and more bitter. After that we were invited to give thanks and share intentions, so by the time it was my turn I’d waited on around 20 people to drink and around 10 to share their intentions and 30-45 minutes had passed. I was already feeling the effects as I spoke.
Just as my first time, the first effects felt similar to amphetamine as I became fidgety and euphoric, then followed by a warm, blissful feeling like an MDMA come up. I lay back and writhed around a little for a while, then sat up and looked at my roomie and we both gasped and laughed, then we stood up and embraced. It was lingering and intimate, like we had shared a womb together since conception rather than two people who had only shared a room together since they met for the first time only the night before!
I left the circle to take a short walk, went to the bathroom then sat down on a tree stump to smoke a cigarette. Everything had started to glow and shimmer, I was feeling the psychedelic effects come on. I went to lie down again, and as I gazed up at the trees I noticed each individual leaf had it’s own unique shade of green, yet they all had halos of pink and gold and appeared to be emitting light. The depth perception was magnified, it was like the difference between watching a 2D movie and a 3D movie. I felt energy coming from them, and from the sky, and from the ground beneath me, and could feel my own energy blending in to it; there were no borders. The voices of the insects on the ground and the grasses beneath my blanket were getting louder, and I turned my head to a dandelion leaf staring at me. There was a strong energetic connection, it’s presence was almost deafening.
I stood up so as not to get overwhelmed, and in the distance I saw a circle of longer grasses with some kind of purple flowers growing within it. I felt the sudden urge to run over to them, picked two and danced around the circle holding one in each hand up to the sky. It was now after midday, and the sun was very hot, so I went back to my blanket to rest beneath the shade of the trees. I placed the flowers in a cross on my belly and closed my eyes. I felt a light beaming into my stomach like a reverse care bear beam. Along with that came some insights into the personal work I had to do, and a boost of strength in order to prepare me for it. I felt like I was being nourished by the Earth, or by God, or the spirit of San Pedro, or something! It was very reviving. I opened my eyes again and gazed around at the trees which were rippling in the breeze and the leaves shone like jewels, sparkling and dazzling. I felt a little overwhelmed again, so I got up and went over to one of the facilitators who offered a healing (smudging with feathers and palo santo). I closed my eyes for this and during I went quite deep introspectively I felt like I was no longer in the park, but I was relaxed; and afterwards I felt grounded and more lucid.
So I thanked him and went off to wander around. I found a labyrinth, and decided to enter it. The movie Labyrinth is my all-time favorite, and only recently I had realized a new interpretation of the movie which has a personal significance to me, so I knew I had to solve it. I entered, and immediately thought I’d found the way, but realised that though I was at the edge of the center I could not enter from there. I had to keep going, and ran around the corridors for what seemed like an hour. There were no walls, it was just markings on the floor, so I could have cheated or given up, but it was important for me to be patient and determined so I carried on until I reached the middle. There, held up my hands in triumph first and then I knelt down and touched the ground with my hands and forehead, before sitting and basking in my accomplishment for a while. I got up and was about to just hop over the marks, but I felt like I should leave properly so I went back the way I came. It felt equally satisfying to exit the maze legitimately as it had been to get to the middle.
I went back over to one of the shaded areas, and one of the passengers, an older German man, asked me a blunt question about my appearance in German which at first took me aback, but it was a fair question, and I felt it was reasonable to answer. I laughed as I repeated his question, then told him the truth that I hadn’t liked to admit for over 20 years, and that ayahuasca, mushrooms and san pedro have been helping me recently to finally acknowledge my condition and to work on managing it better if not completely fixing it before it kills me. His wife approached and I told her as well, and they confided in me that someone in their family has the same condition. We hugged and I went to the kitchen to get water.
One of the facilitators, an Italian, asked me how I was in German, which took me by surprise, I asked him how he knew it and we exchanged where we had learned it and why. The leader was standing close by, and she was surprised too and asked us why we were speaking German. He told her he’d overheard me speaking with the German couple, and I explained to her that I’d preferred not to speak my own language when talking about something difficult because of the cognitive dissonance, I’d learned German only a few years ago so even though I stumble sometimes with the grammar and vocabulary, it was still easier than feeling the emotions I feel when using my mother tongue. She smiled wryly, and promised that she was going to ask me about my emotions and she wanted me to talk about them in English.
Around 14h they started to prepare fruit. We had been fasting all day, and it was hot. The big, ripe watermelons looked so juicy and I stared lustfully as they were being sliced up. My roomie approached behind me, and our energies started to bounce off each other and we jumped up and down like imps and decided to take a slice before waiting to be served. We whooped with delight and bit into our pieces and ohhhh my goodness it was the most delicious thing I’d ever tasted. The only moment was that moment. Very similar to one time in the jungle when I had devoured a mango out of my partner’s hands like an animal, pressing my face into the sweet flesh. Another girl heard our joyous laughter and she said we were like sirens to the watermelon and she took a slice too, and another girl after her. Four of us sat on the ground, burying our faces into the slices of watermelon like a hungry lion with it’s fresh kill and we let uninhibited moans of pleasure as we ate the juicy sweet fruits of the earth. One of them said halfway through that she felt like she wanted to share, so I leapt up and bit in to her slice from her hand while offering mine to her mouth, and we enjoyed a giddy and intimate sharing experience that sparked others to do the same. We had a lot of banter and laughter about the fruit, until we were told to calm down as apparently we were being super noisy! So we each took our bowl of mixed fruit and went to find separate areas to continue with our breakfast.
Shortly after this the leader approached me and asked how I was feeling, I was swaying a little and blissed out and I told her I felt awesome. She then asked me to tell her what I’d told the couple about, but in English. This was immediately not so easy, I hesitated and shifted my feet, looked down at the ground and stuff, but the openness of the high enabled me to tell her without difficulty. She then shared a story of her own, and we hugged. I laughed as I lost my balance and fell on to her. She steadied me, and then asked if I knew the origin, I told her that I did, and how the medicines had helped me to address my shit and work on it. I told her how it started, and she shed a tear and hugged me. I felt lifted up and strengthened.
I ended up talking to the girl I had shared watermelon with, and we realised we had a lot in common, one of which was a similar issue to mine. I started to think it was really weird how I’d spoken to three people now who had been touched by similar issues to mine, I felt less alone and that our comradery gave us strength that was greater than the sum of our individual strengths. She was really fun and easygoing, and we had a lot of laughs and banter as we sat on the grass, eating apples and smoking cigarettes together, sharing them as we shared our souls.
An Italian guy came to sit by us, he was feeling a little overwhelmed by the effects of the San Pedro. He said he was having trouble expressing himself in English, so I told him to speak in Italian. My Italian is not great, so I understood less than half of the words spoken, but I could feel the communication more strongly and I could see in his expression and posture that he seemed stronger and more focused. It was lovely to watch him sit up straight, speak with passion and articulate with gestures and I think it helped him to ground himself. The other girl seemed to be making more of a connection with him and I sensed a connection between them that I wanted to give them some space now so I wandered off again to look at the beauty of the still glittering countryside.
I kept forgetting where I intended to go and what I intended to do, so I was walking around a lot in different directions. Someone later commented that they had seen me throughout the day and described me as a butterfly. There were lots of butterflies in the park and they looked ever so free and beautiful, so this made me happy! During the peak the butterflies had had trails of light shooting out of their wings, so they almost looked like little gentle fireworks.
The sun was setting, and I started to get harassed by mosquitoes. I was wearing short shorts, and I wanted to go to my room to change my clothes and brush my teeth. I felt like I’d come down a little, but I was unsure if I was still in a state where if I left the space I could find myself in the midst of another wave, alone and unsafe. I asked one of the facilitators and he advised against it, and the girl sitting with him looked at me and said she could see I was high and most definitely should not leave. She told me she could sense my inner conflict, and offered to lend me one of her sarongs to cover my legs and also lent me her own toothbrush! I thought that was the kindest gesture and I was super grateful. We sat and had a chat afterwards and discovered that we actually have a lot of friends in common, and that she had been a passenger at the ayahuasca ceremony I had helped out at a month ago! The synchronicity I felt throughout the day was astounding.
I spun the tarot again, and got the moon. My cards in their order: Judgement, the Fool, the Moon; I didn’t know anything about tarot at the time but since coming home I have learned their meaning and found them to be very relevant to me too!
By then it was 9 hours since ceremony had begun, and dinner was served. It was really wholesome, vegetarian buffet and it was delicious, I felt very fulfilled and nourished. After dinner people started to leave, and most of us were feeling only a warm afterglow by now. After dark I decided I wanted to leave too, so I could shower and get some rest.
I went to bed feeling very contented and I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and revived. I travelled to the coast that morning and spent some time at the beach before making my journey home, filled full of happy memories.
The experience has restored my light and given some extra too, and I am using my insights as a tool for my ongoing personal work and spiritual growth.
I think mescaline could be one of my favorite medicines. I find it spiritual and healing, but I would also recommend it for recreation too. It’s intense, but magnificent. I love it.
Peace!